Peeta's Life: Before the Fire
by ClosetFan83
Summary: This is my Prequal to my other works, Peeta's Life Part I and II. This story is an interpretation of the Hunger Games but from Peeta's Perspective. Peeta's life before the Arena with his friends and family. While not necessary, read Part I and II to familiarize yourself with characters I introduced, including his closest friends. Rated M for a reason.
1. Abstract

I could not help myself I have begun the prequel to Peeta's Life Part I and II. After I read Suzanne Collins's Catching Fire and Mockingjay, I was really curious about what it was like for Peeta. A muse plagued me and I put my interpretation down on paper. As of late, I was hit with the same muse again. After having read all the books and having watched the movies I can now say that the first book is still my favorite. Therefore, I was inspired to write Peeta's point of view for the Hunger Games. It is still under work but I have some chapters. Please read and review I will begin to upload soon.

Like Peeta's Life I and II, I try to present a more mature look of the world of Panem. I inflict our real life's problems from societies that mirror the social and economic conditions of Panem, especially District 12. Therefore, like the others, this story is Rated M for a reason.

Of course, I don't own The Hunger Games, this only an interpretation of Collins's works. \

Thanks


	2. CH 1 District 12

I wake up to the sound of a nervous knocking on the door. I open my eyes groggily and I look down and see Ivy's hand across my bare chest. I smile but then I hear the incessant knocking again and I almost jump out of my skin because I realize that it's my brother Reece, letting me know that it's time for Ivy to clear out. Before I can respond, he jars the door open.

"Damn it Peeta – finish up or wake up. Get Ivy out of here, mom is going to be up soon." He barks at me.

"Sorry – I'm up." I say and of course, that woke up Ivy. Reece closes the door and Ivy and I quickly dress up. We make our way towards the window and I open it. Reece has already set up the ladder; I completely missed his wake up call at the window. I climb out. Once, I'm outside and I'm certain the coast is clear I signal Ivy to step out. The ladder is shaking and I notice that she's cracking up. I can't help but smile. Once she's on the ground she looks around quickly and kisses my lips.

"I couldn't find my underwear. I'm sorry. Keep an eye out for it, don't let your mom find it." She sneaks another kiss and runs off.

I laugh too. I'm about to start climbing the ladder but I hear my dad's voice.

"You might as well just use the door since I already caught you…" He says calmly.

I turn to look at him and at first I'm a little scared but when I see the look in his face I can tell that he's trying not to laugh. I know better than to crack him a smile; I know that he knows this is serious, so I won't push my luck. It's enough for me to know that he won't tell mom, of that I'm certain. I walk into the bakery where he has already been working. I go to sit by the window and he eyes me knowingly, he takes a deep breath and I can tell he is going to be serious about this.

"Peeta – I'm not going to pretend I don't know what is going on – what has been going on for a long tim..." He stops to take a deep breath and he stares at me intently, I can tell he is studying me. Then he leans back against the counter and folds his arms, which make him look even more broad shouldered and it makes his strong arms more pronounced. Me, my brothers Reece and Ray take after him. My dad, Brian Mellark, is tall, has a kind face, blonde hair, and blue eyes that always have a serious expression. His hands are large and strong and by the white knuckles on his hands, I can tell that he's angry, even if he is amused by his sons' antics. If it weren't for the fact that I know my father is the nicest and sweetest person I know, I would be afraid of him.

He takes a deep breath again. "Peeta – are you being careful? And I'm not talking about the ingenious system you and your brothers have come up with to ensure your mother doesn't find out..." He eyes me knowingly. I'm disappointed because we believed it was fool proof. "You and this girl, this Ivy, are you using protection. I don't want you raising kids before you're ready." He tells me seriously.

I hate this. No sixteen year old kid wants to talk to their parents about sex much less how we go about it. My chest tightens and I feel a little embarrassed. But I suck it up, I'm as mature as they come and he's treating the whole situation with respect he's not downgrading it and he's not judging us. "I am being as careful as I can be dad. I… pull out but she also keeps track of her days- you know the counting system, and the touch system." That's all I want to offer him, I'm not going to discuss oral sex or anal sex options if we want to avoid pregnancies altogether. I'm sure he knows about these other ways.

"What?" He says.

I cringe because I don't want to have to explain but I put myself in this situation. "The touch system – you look at the consistency of the fluid…"

He can't stop himself from laughing which stops me short. "I know what the touch system is…" He says.

"Oh" I say awkwardly and he keeps laughing and I relax a little. "You said what… so I thought…" I begin but he cuts me off again.

"I know – I think I was hoping for more." He shakes his head because he must see the confusion in my face and I know at that moment that this is as awkward for him as it is for me. "I mean in terms of protection, I guess I would have liked to hear that the Capitol is granting us with more effective options by now." He starts to fidget and he turns around. "It's not like that's something I deal with anymore." He mutters under his breath and I know he does not realize that I overheard him.

I cringe at first but then I feel bad for him. He is still young, married, and he cannot indulge in the pleasures of sex because he cannot stand my mother. I always wonder why they stay together, it's not like it's to spare our feelings, we've begged dad to leave her many times.

"There are condoms but they are expensive. Sometimes I have enough money to buy them. When they're available - I try to get the reusable ones but the timing doesn't always work out." I say to him.

He nods.

Then I think of Mrs. Everdeen in the Seam. "Some girls go to Mrs. Everdeen." I say cautiously and upon hearing her name he seems more alert and he eyes me curiously. I'm always cautious to pay attention to how he reacts when her name comes up. I never forgot the day he told that he was in love with her and that he used to think he would marry her one day, long ago when he himself was about my age. I continue. "Herbal remedies, some girls try her concoctions but I think it's too complicated, or so I hear…" I say.

He smiles. "She's a very clever lady." He says. I just smile and nod.

"Dad – I'm sorry for sneaking my girlfriend around. I know I shouldn't. For what it's worth I am being careful."

He looks at me and his eyes soften. "I know you are. So – you like this girl?" He asks genuinely curious.

I feel coy suddenly but I try to overcome it. I want to talk to him. "Yeah - a lot." I smile at the thought of me and Ivy and how good I feel with her, how strongly I feel about her. "I think I love her actually. We've said it to each other." I tell him happily and he smiles.

"But you're not sure?" I look alarmed when he asks curiously. He treads lightly "You said you think… You're not one to go around saying things you don't mean. Why are you unsure?"

I think about what he's saying. And I think about Katniss Everdeen – the girl I dream about and daydream about. I'm a bit of a smooth talker and yet I can't get the nerve to say hi to her. There is no doubt that I like her, a lot. Sometimes my romanticizing of her seems more powerful than any other feeling I've had for other girls. Then I think back to day with the bread and I feel something overwhelming for her, it all seems like an ideal, a dream, but unreachable. But Ivy is different, I know that, what I feel for her is tangible because the two of us act on our feelings.

"I mean – I've had other girlfriends… with whom I've had sex with too…" I say a little embarrassed and my dad raises his eyebrows cause he's surprised. "But, with Ivy I feel something stronger, more substantial. I genuinely like her, a lot. I care about her and I admire her, and I respect her." I tell him earnestly as I think of everything that she has had to survive. "I've never felt that with other girls. All my other feelings always seem so fleeting. But with her, everything is so… intense."

He smiles at me, he looks genuinely surprised, he isn't degrading my feelings, and I appreciate it. But then he eyes me curiously. "I think it sounds like love." He tells me with a soft smile as if he were genuinely happy. I smile at him but he continues. "Can I ask… What about Katniss Everdeen?"

I'm shocked to hear him say it.

"Peeta, son, I've watched you for a good decade now, looking out that window, waiting to catch sight of her." He tells me cautiously, I can tell he doesn't want to overstep any boundaries with me. As mature as I am, even I have my adolescent tantrums and I will storm out on him if I'm not in the mood.

I feel my whole body flush and I try to relax. Then I realize it's stupid, I don't need to hide this from him but somehow my pride aches a little because sometimes I think she doesn't know I'm alive. I smile at him and shrug. "She's a pretty girl." I tell him carelessly, in an attempt to downplay my romantic affliction.

He eyes me curiously. I can tell that he doesn't believe it. "Right…" Just then there is a knock at the back door. "Speaking of.." he says as he walk to the backroom to get the door.

My stomach suddenly ties in a knot at the thought of seeing Katniss. I always avoid the bakery this early for that very same reason, I know she trades with dad. I've never had a conversation with her and I certainly don't want it to be here, now, with my dad around. "Shit" I say aloud and I hope with everything that I have that he doesn't invite her in. Then I hear him.

"Hello young lady. I'll take the squirrels if you have them." He tells her cheerfully. "Great. I'll get the bread. Or better yet my son is here, he can get it."

I want to die right here and now.

"Peeta – will you bring that bag of bread on the counter." He calls out from the back. I refuse to move, this can't be my first encounter with her. Then I hear him continue. "You know my son don't you… No kidding. I'm surprised, he is so social." He says it loud enough for me to hear and I ache because she clearly said no. If there were a hole in the ground right here, I would crawl into it right now.

He finally walks back in and to my delight he's by himself. I can tell that he's very amused. He grabs the bag and walks back and I hear the door shut. He walks back in.

"Real funny dad." I reproach him.

"What's the big deal son, you said she's just a pretty girl…" He points his finger at me teasingly, letting me know that he can see right through me. I have to laugh.

"Well since I'm here I can help you." I say as I make my way to the kitchen. Then I feel his hand reach for my chest and he holds me back. I look at him and he eyes me disapprovingly.

"You aren't touching anything in here until you wash up." He says pointedly.

"Oh." And I feel myself flush again. I did just get out of bed – with Ivy no less and we probably did everything that he's thinking. "Right… sorry." I make my way towards the back door when he calls out to me again.

"Peeta!" He calls me from the other room and I can hear him laughing.

"Yes?" I ask as I make my way back to the bakery.

"You have panties stuck to your pants." He points at the bottom of my pants.

I look down and there they are, Ivy's panties stuck between my shoe and my pant leg. They must have ended up inside my pant leg somehow.

"Oh." I say feeling mortified. I reach for them and make a mad dash towards the door but he calls me back again. I don't know that I want to face him again and I wonder what else is sticking on me. I walk back in as I look down to better inspect myself. He laughs.

"Son, use the door inside. Don't use the ladder. You've already been caught"

"Right." I turn around and use the connecting door to the house instead. Thankfully, I make it back to my room without running into mom.

* * *

There I find Reece reading a book. He peeks at me and shakes his head in disapproval. "You idiot." He mutters under his breath.

"I'm sorry, okay. I didn't hear you knock on the window."

"What took you so long to get back in here. I went to look in the attic again and you were gone?"

"Hum, dad caught me. And I think he knows about all our tactics." I say to him.

Reece's face is shocked as he lets this process but then he smiles at me. "Of course he did. He pays enough attention to us to know what is going on. Let's face it, we do all of this to keep it from mom."

"Where's Ray?" I ask because I didn't see him with dad. Technically we still share this one room, but in reality we've stopped sharing it a long time ago. Ray, is the oldest, he's now twenty years old, rarely spends the night here anymore and he doesn't care to hide it from mom either. He'd be in his own assigned household married to his sweetheart if it weren't for the fact that his sweetheart happens to be a Seam girl, Mona. Neither the people in the Seam or the people in town approve of it, and their disapproval combined still doesn't amount to our mother's disapproval. So, they have gone to the lengths of sneaking around. I would have sent them all to hell a long time ago.

"I don't know but he's in a mood. He was here last night and I think he had been crying… I tried to ask but… you know his temper. He's a lot like mom." Reece tells me. He's right, Ray's temper is very much like her, and I think no one hates it more than him. I hate that with time he's only becoming more bitter and I really wish he would just fight to be with his girl.

Just then he walks in. Reece and I both jump, and Reece was not joking about his condition. His eyes are puffy, without a doubt he was crying, but he's also upset and I can see his temper aching to lash out. "Where the hell were you two last night?"

This is bad, when he's in a mood he tries to act like the moral police and he tries to berate us but Reece and I know not to back down.

"I stayed out… the nights of debauchery started since the Reaping is in two weeks away. Is that all right with you, brother…" Reece retorts.

Ray looks him over, then he looks at me and he raises his eyebrow, indicating that he wants my answer.

"I was here, sleeping in the attic, in case Reece brought a girl back home. Where were you?" I ask him. "Were you with Mona?" I ask. I have a hunch that they had a fight and I shouldn't go there with him but I'd rather him lash out over the source of his stress then have him try to pick us apart looking for a reason to fight.

"No, I wasn't" He barks back at me. "Nor will I ever be again. We broke up." He says it bitterly. Reece and I both look at each other in shock.

"But why?" I ask in disbelief.

He glares at me. "Why do you fucking think? Because she's from the fucking Seam, dim wit."

I'm taken aback. "Since when do you care?" I say, clearly disappointed in his answer.

"Peeta shut up…" Reece mutters under his breath as he smacks my arm.

"Oh I care." Ray says it pointedly and I'm a little disgusted with his sudden change of heart. It's painfully obvious that he's hurting and lashing out for the dumbest of reasons. He continues to lash out at me. "Maybe you don't care about your reputation and that's why you're walking around town hand in hand with the town whore, but I care!"

I'm furious and I stand up instantly and I seriously want to hit him but Reece grabs my arm and pulls me back down on the bed and restrains me. "Don't you fucking talk about her like that!" I yell back at him.

"Stop it the both of you!" Reece insists. "It's too early to have mom walk in here, okay."

"Oh it's actually the perfect time. I'd love to have her hear this!" He screams angrily. All the anger I felt disappears because I realize that he's heartbroken. He's getting out of control, he's turning bright red as he yells, and I can see tears running down his face. He clearly didn't want this break up. I feel terrible for him. He heads towards the door and starts calling for our mother on top of his lungs. In the distance I can hear him yelling and then I can hear our mother yelling, worse, we can hear her laugh. Then we hear breaking dishes, followed by the slamming door and Reece and I run towards the window to look out back. There we see our dad running after Ray. He runs to interject Ray and he places his hands on his shoulders. He looks so worried and we see his mouth moving. His eyes are now soft and we can tell that he's listening intently. Then we see Ray's shoulders start to shake, we know it's because he's crying hard, and our dad embraces him. He continues to talk to him. A few moments later we see our dad walk back inside and in no time he enters our room.

"I need you two to get ready and run the bakery. I'm going to take a nice long walk with your brother, he needs to blow off some steam and I don't want him out there alone." We nod and head downstairs. Down there our mother has a few choice words for our father and they get into a screaming match. He warns her to stay the hell away from us while he's gone. He tries his hardest to intimidate her, he does this often, and like always when he walks away I can see that he's disgusted with himself. He is never like himself around her and I guess my family is not like other families in town for a lot of reasons.

Most families in town don't have more than one child, for good reason. The fear of the Games is enough to keep any married couple chaste. So they limit themselves to just one. Sometimes there are two but very rarely, and the only other families that have more than two are the ones that unexpectedly had twins or even triplets, but it is rare. Which means that my parents having three kids in three separate occasions is super rare. I've thought about this often and it's a mystery to me. The only conclusion I've come to is that this lack of family planning is only another symptom of my parents' dysfunction. When I was still very little my parents had a terrible fight and my mother started attacking dad, Ray quickly lifted me in his arms and ushered Reece out of the house. We went for a walk, Ray's way of shielding us from them. At this point, I was no longer crying over our mother's violence, I had already understood that this was her nature. I simply asked Ray why they hated each other so much. Ray told me that he didn't know and that he was very confused by it. He said that when he was much younger, before I was even born they were even worse. They would have terrible fights and my mother would beat dad and he would have to restrain her as best as he could without hurting her but sometimes that was impossible after the worst fights my father would leave the house and when he would return he would go in their room where mother had been sitting. He would then hear them talking, yelling again, and then it would result in them thrashing around the room only they weren't physically fighting anymore, they were having sex. I always remembered this detail and it has occurred to me that three children were very likely the result of these irrational acts of mercy, which pretty much made up their sex life. But that was a long time ago; since I can remember I've never caught a hint that anything intimate happens between them.

After dad is done fighting with mom he escorts us into the bakery where he shows us the breakfast he prepared for us to eat, rolls stuffed with meat and potatoes. He only makes them for us, they are never for sale. My heart melts a little because my dad plans long and hard to make these, around the Reaping, first he has to save the money to buy the beef and that usually takes him about six months. Then he dries it, seasons it, then freezes it then thaws it in the weeks leading up to the Reaping. It's his way of spoiling us, while it warms my heart, I also begin to feel anxiety over the inevitable, Reaping day.

Thankfully, we have a busy day in the bakery and that means mom is going to be on her best behavior. As she steps in to help, she plasters on big smiles for the customers, although the smile is genuine nothing makes her happier than making profits, and I'm sure we'll do just that today. Then I see Mayor Undersee approaching the store with my friend Madge.

"Oh shit." I groan in anticipation of this encounter.

"What?" Reece asks.

"the Mayor is coming. Mom is going to be over the top…" I say it, already feeling embarrassed.

Reece laughs. "And Maaadge is with him." He eyes me teasingly. He knows that mom is always doting over Madge and would love to see me court her. It's embarrassing. Just then, we hear my mother squeal out loud in delight and she runs to the door to open it for the Mayor. I cringe at her over the top welcome. Right on cue, she starts to dote over Madge, over her pretty dress, her pretty face, and her angelic hair. I want to throw up. Madge sneaks a peek at me and I can tell she's trying hard not to laugh. I mouth an apology to her and she giggles. My mom notices that we're silently communicating and of course she jumps on it and blows it out of proportion.

"Mayor, I hope you don't mind my son Peeta over there making eyes at your lovely Madge. You can't blame him can you, she's such a beauty." She gushes and all I can do is shut my eyes and hope that I disappear. I can hear Reece laughing from the kitchen in the back. I just nod in embarrassment. I open my eyes and I see the Mayor looking at me, smiling, very amused obviously.

"I don't mind at all. I have a very high opinion of Peeta. You must be very proud Mrs. Mellark. Smart, athletic, and well mannered, if only all boys were like him…" He says and I thank him for the compliment.

Mom races towards me and throws her arm around me, which makes me jump. "Of course, I am. He's my pride and joy." Then she kisses my cheek and I want to throw up because as of yesterday at dinner, I was the biggest waste of space in her world. Her words, not mine.

"Mrs. Mellark, you're always so kind. But Peeta and I are just friends. His girlfriend, Ivy, is actually a good friend of mine." Madge tells her, hoping to put a stop to this, I'm sure.

"I'm sure a stand up boy like Peeta is very popular with the girls. But don't rush into anything." Mr. Undersee offers me his advice and I nod with a smile.

"That's exactly what I tell him sir. All my boys. They're such stellar boys. They can't just go for any girl…" Mom proceeds to say as she grabs the area between my neck and shoulder and squeezes it hard it hurts, especially when she digs in her nails. "I'm so happy to say that my gorgeous Ray finally ended things with that awful Seam girl, Mona. I kept telling him that those kind of people are not for him, so dark and dirty. And you know some of them still speak other languages, and who knows what else. I worry sir, because they'll all be of marriage age soon, and you know how those girls are, in the Seam, they will trap nice boys like mine."

I reach for her hand and I manage to free myself from her tight grip. I get a good look of the Mayor's face and I can tell that he's disgusted by her and by what she is saying. He's a kind man and genuinely concerned for the people in the Seam. How can she be so oblivious. Meanwhile, Madge stands around uncomfortably.

Thankfully the mayor puts a stop to it. "Yes well, we really must be going. I came to get a loaf of wheat bread. That's right, isn't it?" He looks to Madge for confirmation. She just nods. I quickly pack up the loaf and he quickly pays. He bids me a good day and walks out without saying another word to my mother, I can tell that he doesn't even want to look at her.

As soon as they leave my mother slaps the side of my head so hard that my ear starts ringing. I quickly clutch it.

"Great! Even the Mayor knows about your relationship with that little prostitute! Stupid boy!" Then as she walks away, I hear her mutter that at least Ivy is not a Seam girl.

Before I can say anything Reece shuffles me to the back of the room and he steps up to take care of the counter. I'm so mad I can feel tears stinging my eyes and I decide to step out into the yard to breathe fresh air. I'm surprised to see her storm out and she basically walks right through me because I almost fall to the side. She's probably off to meet the other town hags. I hate that I resent her so much.

Just then I hear Mrs. Cartwright, my good friend Delly's mother. She sweetly greets me and she wants to ask me something when I stop by tonight. My friend Delly and I are more like brother and sister. Mr and Mrs. Cartwright have come to expect to see me every day. I nod and wave at her. I make my way back in and I can still hear ringing in my ear. As I walk inside, I see dad and Ray returned.

"How did everything go?" Dad asks.

"Good profit today for sure." Reece says and then he smiles. "The Mayor stopped by for bread with his daughter and mom tried to marry Peeta off." He says laughing.

Our dad looks instantly exasperated because I'm sure he can imagine every little detail. Then he looks at me again and walks towards me. He shifts my face to the side by nudging my chin. "What happened…" He says. And I realize that mom must have left a mark.

I sigh. "What do you think… She doesn't approve of my girlfriend." I say pointedly. I can tell that he gets furious but then I unexpectedly get mad too. "Don't bother." I tell him and I push his hand away. What good does it do to get angry at her, the solution is for her to leave but for some reason he won't push it. I look at Ray, who is now sitting by the window staring into space, he looks dejected and unfeeling. I feel bad for him.

Later in the evening, we have a pleasant dinner because mom was not around. Just then Reece nudges my foot and I look at him and he points at the time. Dad notices and asks where we are going. We realize that it's useless to lie to him and he must read our minds because he reminds us that he already knows how we sneak out, he has known about it since Ray started doing it at the age of 13. We share a good laugh and then he says that we might as well just use the front door.

* * *

After dinner, Reece and I head out to find today's parties. They're not like other parties, we usually have two a year one after the school year ends and then after the summer ends, but those parties are contained. We call the nights leading up to the Reaping, nights of debauchery because they are exactly that. Kids of Reaping age, merchant and seam alike take over the vacant houses and do just about everything – sex, drugs, group sex, alcohol, and basically act out any fantasy we may want fulfilled before dooms day. It's always all good fun, nobody ever gets hurt, it's supposed to be the opposite of the Hunger Games. Of course, it can also be just a great way to hang out with everyone before the inevitable happens and try to unwind from the fear that engulfs our lives as the Reaping draws closer.

Reece parts ways with me to meet with friends and I make my way to the place I know my friends will be, in Victor Village. I'm surprised they picked a Victor house. As soon as I walk in, I understand the bold move, I see peacekeepers hanging around indulging as well. The moment I see the peacekeeper Darius I feel more relaxed, he has almost become a local. We even see him go into the Hobb and even the people from Seam like him. You can't get a bigger seal of approval then that. I look around and I spot Nathan waving me over from the second floor. I make my way up and I am happy to see Ivy. I feel a smile spread across my face instantly and she runs into my arms to give me a deep kiss. She takes my breath away. I feel goose bumps all over and I love this wave of emotion that comes over me. I take a seat and Ivy happily sits on my lap. I can tell she's a little buzzed because she keeps talking into my ear but loses her train of thought and she giggles. She's usually a lot more composed. She offers me another kiss and when I pull away I'm surprised to see my good friend Silas on an ottoman with a girl from school, Sheila. They are hungrily making out and he really should go find a room. Usually the public sex scenes don't happen until the very end, when everyone is too wasted or stoned to care. Just then I hear a high pitched squeak and I know instantly that it's Delly reacting to the sight of Silas, who is now unbuttoning Sheila's shirt. Silas instantly jumps at the strange sound. He finally realizes that we're all there and he offers us a friendly wave. Then he remembers decorum, stands up, and helps Sheila up and they go towards a room.

Delly runs to the table with Madge following behind. "Ugh, I hate these parties!" She protests.

I laugh at her. "Then why do you come?"

She instantly gets emotional. "Because the Reaping is right around the corner."

I hug her quickly before she starts crying.

"I don't know why I come to these things… I want to see everyone but then it's impossible to interact with anyone because… well." Madge offers her thoughts as she looks around and I laugh. We proceed to drink and play card games. Nathan gets up to catch up with people but I can tell he's looking to hook up with someone. I used to indulge in these gathering but since I have Ivy, I don't find it necessary to do so. In fact, because of the bond that we have, I find it necessary to protect it and keep it private. That is not to say I pass judgment about all of this. I actually do get pleasure from being here, even just watching people makes me aroused, and I revel in that feeling. There are worse things to feel, especially in District 12.

After some time Silas happily comes and joins us, he didn't even bother to button his shirt. Also he wants to show off his physique. Silas is tall and lean with good muscle definition. He's also one of the tallest kids in town. He goes to sit next to Madge and he throws his arm around her. "Hey beautiful." He says loudly.

Madge stiffens up and looks instantly disgusted and looks away from him. "Ugh… I can smell it on you." She says referring to the smell of sex on him. She quickly stands up and makes Nathan switch places with her, I can tell she's drunk because she is laughing. Under any other circumstances, she would have been furious. We laugh and continue to play cards along with some drinking games.

I'm looking over my hand of cards when I hear Silas.

"I'll be damned…"

I look up at him and look in the direction he's looking. I look down the stairs onto the first floor and I am surprised. Gale Hawthorne comes strutting in with some friends. This is the first time I have seen him at a party. I've heard that he's gone to others but I've never run into him, also he tends to be around older crowds and he rarely participates in social functions. I watch him move through the room and it's amazing how everyone stops to look at him, especially the girls. Handfuls flock to him and the bolder ones even run to hug him, as if they intimately knew him, which I know is a crock.

"I don't see the little Seam princess with him.." Silas adds. I quickly turn to look at him because I realize that he's talking about Katniss. My heart actually flutters at the thought of seeing her tonight. I turn to look in his direction again and but there is no sign of her.

"I'm definitely surprised… why would he come here?" I wonder because he is so serious, there is something cynical about him, hard – I can't picture him indulge in anything. Except I guess maybe Katniss.

"To get some, just like the rest of us…" Silas says stating the obvious.

"He's with Katniss." I point out to him.

"Nobody really knows what is going on with them." Delly offers.

"Oh please – they go into those woods together every day, what do you think they do, aside from hunting." Silas says rhetorically.

"Maybe that's all they do, hunt." I say hopefully.

"If that's the case, he's an idiot." Silas says as he continues to study him from afar. "He's such a pompous ass." He adds. "Madge you're friends with Katniss… what's the scoop with the two?"

Madge looks at him and she looks nervous, which tells me she doesn't want to betray Katniss's confidence. It's amazing how she never says anything about her to us. Madge is the only friend Katniss has and the fact that Madge doesn't say anything only makes Katniss a bigger mystery to me.

"I don't know she doesn't say much about it, and I can say it's very personal to her. It's obvious that they're very close – it's the only time I ever see them smile or laugh, when they're around each other." There is a sad quality to the way she says this that makes me wonder what is going on, Madge notices my look and she instantly perks up and changes the subject.

I look away and I happen to catch Delly stare at me intently. She knows better than anyone about the feelings I've been harboring for Katniss and I'm sure she's wondering what I make about Gale's presence here tonight. I look back at him and he seems engaged in a conversation with a girl from town. I scowl a little. I have heard rumors that he's been with several girls, always town girls. The way these news spread though, makes me think that they're just rumors. However, none of the girls ever really deny it. The rumors are always almost the same, he takes girls to the slag heap, always town girls, never Seam girls and there is something sinister to that idea because it is completely unnecessary to go to the Slag Heap. There is something callous about Gale, something about him is hard and perhaps even hateful. I see how he looks at us, the town kids, he loathes us and I have no doubt that someone like him would disapprove of Mona's relationship with my brother Ray. I get the sense that he looks to degrade us and what better way to do it then by fucking our girls in the slag heap. He's hateful. But maybe that idea is an exaggeration, he may just be bitter but I know all too well that bitterness is the gateway to hatefulness, just look at my mother. Then there is the bigger truth, that my opinion of him is so clearly tainted by my jealousy of him. I look back at him and he is now sitting on a couch surrounded by town girls, all obviously throwing themselves at him, and he seems pleased. But there is no doubt, there is a look of disgust in his eyes as he listens on to their advances.

"Whatever is going on between him and the Seam princess… if she has an ounce of sympathy she should let him indulge considering how many little pieces of paper have his name on them in that damn glass bowl." Silas offers his final thought with a laugh and I guess he has a point.

After a few more hours of socializing, drinking, and having had smoked some weed I want to be alone with Ivy. I'm not sure what that weed was laced with but I feel myself burning up from having had Ivy sitting on my lap the whole time. And every time I stroke her knee I swear I feel like I'm going to melt into her. Sheila interrupts our card game when she approaches Silas again and crashes her lips into his again, she pulls away and whispers in his ear, and Silas looks behind her and sees another one of our classmates, Lara, holding on to Sheila's hand. Lara then proceeds to bend over and kiss Silas on the mouth. Silas pulls back and smiles. "Oh yes, I am definitely down for this." He swiftly stands up and walks away from us, just then Sheila pushes him down on the ottoman, and the three proceed to start undressing each other.

I laugh when I see Delly's expression, she looks like she's going to cry. "That's it, I'm out of here." She says nervously.

Madge stares at Silas wide-eyed. "I'm with you." She says, she takes her last shot, grab's Delly's hand, bids me and Ivy farewell, and takes off before she sees more.

Meanwhile I can't take my eyes off the threesome that is about to unfold but I almost jump out of my skin when Ivy presses her lips into mine and discreetly brushes her hand between my legs. She takes my breath away. "Let's get out of here." She whispers, I just nod and follow her out, of course she doesn't care to watch Silas.

We make our way out of the party and we are burning up for each other. We end up taking back alleys that are less visible. We end up pushing each other into shadowed walls where we indulge in drunken kisses and bold touches. At one point we find a dark corner in a backyard and we get too carried away. I feel as if I were getting high off the sensation of her lips and when her tongue lavishes mine I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I briskly press her up against a wall and clasp the back of her thighs to lift her off the ground. She manages to muffle a groan and then she giggles. I proceed to trace hot kisses down her chest and I desperately search for her breast with my mouth. When I brush her shirt and bra to the side with my teeth and I manage to stroke her nipple with my lips she lets out a gratified moan. She's wearing a dress and so I run my hand up her thigh looking for the inviting warmth I'm already feeling pressed up against my torso. I almost come undone when I feel the amount of moisture pooling there, just waiting for me. I can't contain myself and I slide in a finger and she starts to moan as I begin to stroke her and I can feel goose bumps spread throughout her legs. I silence her with a kiss and then I feel her unbuckling my pants. She quickly tucks down at my pants and underwear enough to free my tense erection and I can't stop to think for a moment. She guides me into her as I shift myself. I slide in easily and the feeling is sublime. The drugs we took heighten everything and now with our adrenaline running though our bodies, it's pure ecstasy. Just when I feel like I'm going to explode she briskly pushes me away so hard that I fall back and she laughs. I'm in agony over the state she's leaving me in and I know she feels it too. She comes over me on the ground to kiss me and she whispers. "Let's get to your place – quickly."

We then find ourselves in my attic again, probably not the best idea considering my dad just caught me this morning but I'm not thinking to clearly right now. All I can think about is how I feel this moment and I'm powerless over the feel of Ivy's lips. Our kisses are not like others I've had, these are so intense, meaningful, I didn't even know I could kiss this way, it's the chemistry we feel. Drugs or no drugs the feeling of us is pure bliss. Ivy really hasn't had a lot of experience. I know she was forced to prostitute but that doesn't count at all. If people really knew what that was like for her they would understand that those three years were nothing more than rape and abuse and they would never call her a whore or the other nasty names thrown her way over the years. The thought of it makes me ache all over for her. That is why I am fiercely protective of her I take it very personal when people want to reduce her horrific experience to some phase as if she had willingly chosen to be some depraved person.

I have to admit I was fascinated by her back then, at first I was only enthralled by her beauty but there were times when I saw her crying around dark corners in school, she was completely ostracized, alone, and obviously hurting. It tugged at my heart and one day I couldn't look away anymore and I reached out and offered her my friendship because she needed it so badly. Once I did this, Delly, Silas, Nathan, and eventually Madge reached out. We found out that she was actually not prostituting anymore because she had threatened her father with some information she had on him. Up until me, she had only experienced unwanted touches and kisses and I can't even bring myself to imagine the rest of it.

She told me that one day she was feeling real bad about everything, she was close to hitting that rock bottom where only hopelessness awaits. On top of that she was feeling sick and she knew that after school a slew of men would be waiting at home. She cut class and sat out in the schoolyard instead. She said Thom, a Seam boy, that is two years older than us had spotted her. They made eye contact and he looked sympathetic but he didn't say anything to her. At the end of the day he approached her and asked her how she was feeling. She was stunned by the genuine concern, no one was talking to her in those days. She told him she felt sick and she had a fever. She was so moved by the human interaction that when she went home she was in tears and it made her feel more pathetic. Her father quickly pushed her into her room where she would have to wait for the clients. To her surprise, she heard her father laughing. He walked in and said that she would only have one client because someone had paid for the whole night. She felt more sick at the thought. Her father told her not to look so upset, to consider it his birthday present because this was a young man. Imagine her surprise when she saw Thom walk in. She was mortified, and wondered if that is why he had been kind to her.

When her father closed the door she started crying and Thom panicked. He quickly rushed to her side and told her that she didn't have to do anything, in fact he had not gone there to have sex with her. She was confused and asked what he was up to. Thom told her that he was very sad to see her condition that day and that he knew what was waiting for her at home. Ivy asked how he was going to pay, everyone knows how poor the people are in the Seam and the money that could go for an entire night with her could do so much more for his family. He smiled and told her that the head peacekeeper Cray had dropped the money at the Hobb. She almost laughed aloud and he was pleased to cheer her up. She knew Cray well, too well, as he often came to visit. They spend the whole night talking and she asked him to hold her. She said she felt friendship for the first time. She slept comfortably as he ran his fingers through her hair. Thom also told Ivy important information about her father, the information that Ivy now holds over his head but refuses to share with me for my own protection. The next morning Ivy told him to keep his money and she pulled money from her secret stash and told him to give it to her father so that he could keep the money for his family. He was so happy that he gave her a kiss, a real genuine kiss because he was genuinely smitten with her. She was finally free.

I was completely amazed by her survival story, she welcomed my friendship, and she tells me that she felt overwhelmed by my kindness. My friendship offered her a whole new world, at least that's what she says. I never know quite what to say to that, could I possibly mean that much to someone? Then a year ago, at these nights of debauchery, I found myself more and more attracted to her. After the Reaping after we had found out that we were safe, we felt the somberness as we saw our Tributes march off to their deaths. Then at night, we celebrated among just the six of us. Ivy spend the night with Delly. I remember having the window open that night, it was hot, and I could hear Delly and Ivy singing and laughing in the backyard next door. Their laughter was like music to my ears. I peeked out the window and saw them dancing around. Suddenly there was lightening, thunder, and then the rain came pouring down. I couldn't take my eyes off Ivy as she spread her arms out and started to twirl as Delly squealed and ran for shelter. Unlike Ivy, who welcomed it happily as she leaned back to feel the rain against her face. I felt like a moth to a flame. I found myself running out there to join them and as I ran out there to jump the fence, Delly ran past me laughing to find shelter in her house. It was just me and Ivy and she looked at me and had the most charming smile on her face. She asked me what I was thinking and I told her that she was quite possibly the most beautiful girl in town and that I could not stop thinking about her beautiful green eyes. She was speechless. The pull was inevitable, our lips touched and I was floored by the feeling running between us. We've been inseparable since.

A year later, we find ourselves in my attic, thrusting intently, with a blanket covering our naked bodies. We breathe through our noses and we have to be conscientious that we don't let out our gratifying moans or sighs be known. She reminds me that she's on her fertile days and I have to be extra careful. I feel like I'm about to explode and she swiftly pulls off me and she proceeds to go down on me. The pleasure is sublime and I come. There is something very intimate about this, especially when she takes me in her mouth and she proceeds to swallow me, allowing me to fully come undone in her mouth. It's only testament to our strong bond, at least that's how we interpret it. I look for her mouth hungrily because I like to taste me and her all at once. I swiftly lift her in my arms and turn her on her back and I go down on her. I love the taste of her and I thirstily drink her arousal. Her whimpering is coming faster and harder and I have to extend my hand to cover her mouth. When she comes undone I am stunned by how much her arousal pools between her legs. She's shivering and I have to find her lips with mine so that I can muffle her cries. At sixteen, in District 12, life doesn't get better than this.

 **Thanks for reading! I hope you all liked the first chapter. Feel free to leave your comments or critiques. Hopefully this story gets more reviews. I really appreciate them. I'll keep updating until it's complete.**


	3. CH 2 The Reaping

With each day that draws closer to Reaping Day something inside of me feels heavier and heavier. All I can think about are the five pieces of paper with my name on it. As I walk around town, I can see people from the Seam heading off into the mines and I feel terrible for the children in the Seam. Unlike me, they don't only deal with the annual name piece added into that bowl. They have to add more names, on a monthly basis so that in return they can get life necessities like food. Just then, I feel my stomach grumble. I had a good breakfast, I had one of the beef stuffed rolls my father baked, one apple, and some left over bread from yesterday. My brothers and I even split some cheese. This is a luxury and yet, I still don't feel full. I tell myself that it has to do with my adolescence, dad says boys are always hungry at my age, but I know he's trying to mask the reality, that no one has enough. Not even Merchants and certainly not the people of the Seam.

All I have to do is think of that dreadful day when I was twelve, I saw Katniss desperately searching in the garbage for food. She was so tiny, that day was cold, rainy, and windy. Every time the wind hit her she hugged herself a little tighter and I could see the wind would push her back. I was actually afraid that the wind would blow her away somehow. I has seen her withering away at school for a month and no one ever said anything or would do anything about it. I made a quick decision to burn two large loaves of bread so that my mother would make me throw them out. Normally when we accidentally burn bread, we eat it ourselves we don't throw anything out. But since mom was watching me I knew she would be irrational and would do something cruel, like make me throw it out to make me feel useless and bad about myself. Imagine my surprise when she ordered me to feed it to the pigs. I knew she had seen Katniss outside, after all she humiliated her by yelling obscenities at that poor child, and I have no doubt that mom wanted Katniss to see me feed the pigs over her. After she punched me in the face I stepped out and quickly threw it in Katniss's direction, she looked exhausted and confused, but she caught on. She found the strength to stand up grab the loaves and hide them under her sweater. She was gone in a few seconds. The satisfaction that came over me was immeasurable, I didn't care that I still had a beating waiting for me inside. I could tell that mom was confused because I was beaming for the rest of the day, black eye and swollen lip, but damn it I couldn't stop smiling. I could tell that mom was disappointed, she hadn't broken my spirit.

I wonder how many pieces of paper have her name on it. Something inside of me hurts when I think about it, it hurts so bad that I feel like I may be sick. There are times when I obsess about it. I try to come up with a rationale of the things that she must have to do, how many times she has to sign up for rations. But I remind myself that she's so efficient and she must not have that many slips with her name on it, more than me but not an exuberant amount. But I also know that she takes care of her family. The whole town is full of admiration for her, she is so brave and smart, it's why most merchants trade with her. She moves all of them, she inspires us all, and I think if Katniss were to be called the whole town would be heartbroken. I convince myself that it's not as bad as I think. Sometimes I laugh at myself because I find myself worrying more about her chances then my own. I guess it is a lot more likely that she'd be called but let's face it, one slip of paper with your name on it is too many when there is a death match on the line. Then I continue to think of her, all these thoughts, daydreaming, and concern over a girl I can't even say hello to. Sometimes I'm disappointed with this affliction because it is very likely that she doesn't even think about me. Then I wonder if she ever thinks about that day with the bread, perhaps she sees it as mere charity and pity, something I know the people of the Seam hate, which means I'm just a bad memory, and logically it was a bad day for her.

There have been moments that give me hope. We've made eye contact a few times, when this happens something hot blossoms from the pits of my stomach and it leaves me breathless. There was a wrestling tournament and I won first place in my weight class. I was really happy and my friends ran out to congratulate me. I could hear cheering in the audience, imagine my surprise when I looked up and saw Katniss cheering along with Madge. Our eyes met for a second but the girlfriend that I had at the time rushed to me and kissed me. When I pulled away, Katniss was gone. Then just about six months ago, at the New Year's fest, I saw her again. Ivy and I had broken up over a stupid fight and I was seeing someone else to console myself. I was standing at our bakery's stall when her sister Prim approached the stand to admire the cookies. I showed her how to frost them and I wondered if she had ever eaten one before. She asked me about the cookie raffle and my heart sank because something told me that her household is not allowed to spend money on that kind of thing. She ran off and I hadn't seen Katniss standing there, I felt my whole body flush because she must have been watching us. Our eyes met for a few seconds and I felt that hot feeling again in the pit of my stomach. She didn't look away and there was a look to her expression and I would have given anything to ask her what she was thinking. Once again, the girl I had been seeing rushed to me to kiss me. I pulled away instantly and looked for Katniss's eyes again but she had looked away. I decided to rig the raffle to make sure Prim won. She was so happy. Then my dad got ahead of me and went to empty the raffle bin at the end of the night, he was shocked to see all the slips had Prim's name on it. I didn't know what to say and I knew he would be furious. Instead, he looked shocked at first, then a big smile spread across his face and he embraced me. He told me he was proud of me and this made me happy. I often wonder if he keeps an eye on the Everdeen girls, because of the love he had for Katniss's mother. He never said another word about it.

As the Reaping comes closer the nights of debauchery's rawness and audacity increases. One night, we were pleased to walk into a naked party. Delly turned on her heel and walked out. Silas howled in delight when he saw and quickly stripped down because it's yet another form to rebel against the Capitol. Nudity is not a big deal in the District but the Peacekeepers are very strict about these things. For instance, women cannot breastfeed in public, or if they do, they must cover up. It's ridiculous! Further, the Capitol sexualizes the body too much. To us a body is just a body, to them it's an object that can be picked apart, altered, objectified, sold, and the Districts' bodies are available for entertainment, consumption, back-breaking labor and death.

Most of us are pretty comfortable in our bodies, Ivy isn't so much but that's because of her past and because she was treated as an object. I am personally very comfortable. I appreciate my built, like my brothers and dad, I have a very muscular built. I don't know how that happened but we are, it's certainly not our diet. Without trying, I have pronounced muscles, a broad back and an overall broad built so when wrestling training begins my muscles become even more pronounced and defined. I'm still carrying around my wrestling built since school just let out. My height is pretty average, I'm only about 5'6, although my brothers are taller so maybe I'll grow a little bit more. Tallness is not very common, people like my dad, Ray, Silas, and even Gale is very rare. They are over 6 feet tall. I doubt I'll reach that because Ray was already 6 feet tall by the time he was 15 and I guess dad was too. So at my height, my built gives me a stocky look, but I like it and the girls seem to appreciate it.

After each party, Ivy and I lose ourselves in each other. We even begin to talk more about our futures. To my surprise, we even talk about possibly getting married. I have always wanted to marry and have my own children but I've never talked about it with anyone. I am pleased to talk about it with Ivy, but something tugs at me. It's really stupid because a part of me races and thinks about Katniss. Should I be making these plans when I daydream about another girl? I try to convince myself that this crush is harmless and very innocent but that kind of self-talk doesn't really convince me. When I'm in the midst of having close moments with Ivy, conversing about life and our world views or having sex with Ivy she is my whole world and I truly believe that I want to feel that way forever, with her. But every night when I'm alone with my thoughts, without fail, my mind wonders over to the raven haired beauty from the Seam. And so for over a decade, from the bakery my eyes look for her so that I can admire her walk to and from school.

The last party always takes place two nights before the Reaping. It's always somber, no one really gets out of control and we just have tense conversations because the inevitable panic sets in, that anyone of us could go. We even dare talk about strategies, not about actually being in the Games, but about what we do if we have to sit at home and wait for our friends to return. We have a plan in place among my friends and the point is to make sure we don't highlight the people that are most important to us. We have no doubt that the Capitol can destroy the people closest to any potential Victor, we have our sole Victor in town, Haymitch Abernathy, and he stands alone. We know it's by choice, for good reason, I'm sure.

At home, dad is a shaking mess and he is constantly hanging on to Reece and me. I remember two years ago, when it was Ray's last year and he survived the seven Reaping years. Ray found Reece and me and he ushered us towards dad, we were stunned to see our dad, a large burly man with large tears. He grabbed Ray, hugged him and started sobbing from happiness. It finally dawned on Reece and me that Ray was free, we rushed to them to bask in the beautiful sense of security we felt for Ray. This year, it's Reece's last year and I'm convinced that he'll be okay but then this tiny bit of fear sets in, what if he's picked and I get sick to my stomach.

The morning of the Reaping, I wake up alone to the smell of my dad's beef rolls. I think back to the night before, I always spend it with my brothers and dad. Last night Ray, Reece, and I slept in the same room, something that rarely happens anymore. In the middle of the night, I woke up from a nightmare and I saw dad sitting in the room just watching us, I could tell he was crying. I wanted to run to him but I held back, something told me that it was s a private moment for him. He was looking over us and there is nothing he can do to protect us from tomorrow. I want to tell him that there is nothing he can do, but how can I say that to a parent?

I wondered if he slept at all and what time he prepared the rolls. My mouth waters at the thought of the rolls and I can't wait until after the Reaping because he always lets us have all of them, we don't ration, he just lets us indulge. Then I get happy because for the first time in weeks I thought about after the Reaping where we are all safe and gives me the courage to stand up, wash up, and put on my best clothes for the Reaping.

In town, after Reece and I part from mom, dad, and Ray we head towards the square where we have to declare our attendance and the Peacekeepers have to confirm our identity by scanning our fingerprints. I begin to feel tense all over again and all I can do is obsess over the five slips of paper with my name on it, then I think of Reece and the seven slips of paper with his name on it. I want to scream for someone, something to save us but it's useless. Reece then wraps his arm around me and gives me a protective squeeze and I embrace him back.

"Good luck little brother." He kisses the top of my head and I wish him luck too. He then goes towards the kids his age.

I spot Silas and Nathan. Nathan looks tense but Silas shoots me a playful wink, which makes me laugh. How does he do it, I wonder. He always makes us smile and laugh in the worst of times. Then I think of their five slips of paper with their names on it. I feel shaky all over again, my mind races to Delly and Ivy. When I think of Delly I want to scream, Delly couldn't kill a fly, how is she going to kill a human being. I have to close my eyes and shake the idea out of my head. But when I think of Ivy my heart shakes a little. I feel panicked at the thought of her being picked, she's so beautiful, and I feel nauseous over the thought because the Capitol would absolutely love her. I want to throw up I feel so sick at the thought. I shake the idea out of my head as I approach my friends and we line up as we wait for the inevitable. We are silent, deadly silent, and the air seems so thick and heavy with coal that it's leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

The ceremony begins. I see Madge's dad, along with that strange woman from the Capitol, Effie Trinket, the official District 12 escort, and finally a drunken stumbling Haymitch Abernathy who showed up late. I am happy for the comic relief his presence offers. Effie begins her speech followed by her disgusting, ladies first remark, as if it were an honor to be picked first. Then I start to feel impatient, I just want this over with, and once again, I feel good about this fleeting thought because it tells me I'm going to be okay, my loved ones are going to be okay. Then I'm left cold because what Effie just announced the District 12 female tribute.

"Primrose Everdeen."

I stop breathing and I feel Silas and Nathan take my hands and squeeze hard. Then something comes crashing down and I realize everything is wrong here, everything bad that could possibly happen can happen and nobody is safe. They just picked at twelve year old. Not even a twelve year old child with only one slip with her name on it among thousands is safe. How is it possible, she has one name in that bowl! There is no way Katniss would allow her to sign up for more parcels. Then almost as if on cue I hear her desperate scream, I hear Katniss.

"I volunteer as Tribute!"

I'm stunned, this is a nightmare, this can't be happening and I'm now gasping for air through my mouth. I turn to look at Silas and Nathan and they look concerned and I realize it's because of me. They know along with Delly, about my crush for Katniss. For the first time in my life I feel heartbroken, I feel like my dreams just died, I would have never expected this feeling of devastation. I think about what comes after the Reaping and I feel like this place will never be the same for me again because she was my biggest dream and the Capitol is taking her away. She embodies all that is good of District 12. I feel like I can't even breathe right now, and I don't even know her personally. I feel tears start to sting my eyes. There is just a heavy silence in the air with only Primrose's screams in the background as Gale swiftly moves in to tear her apart from Katniss. This makes the whole scene even more heartbreaking. Poor Prim and poor Gale.

I just watch her bravely make her way up towards the stage. She's wearing a pale blue dress and her usual braid is gone, she has a more intricate braid today. The look in her face is somber but she also looks shell-shocked, I remember what that is. The year her father died in that mine explosion my dad had me and my brothers take baskets of bread to the families that were waiting to hear about their loved ones in the mines. Some of the men that had made their way out of the mines alive had a haunting look in their face, they were unresponsive my father told me they were shell-shocked. Yes, that is how Katniss looks right now. I hear Silas whisper to me, reminding me to breathe.

After Effie cheerfully announces Katniss as the official female tribute, nobody offers the tense usual polite dead-like clap. Instead, anyone would think we planned it ahead of time, everyone goes to kiss our three fingers, and we extend our arms to salute this brave girl, it's the upmost sign of respect and without a doubt total admiration, more importantly it's our farewell to our beloved Katniss Everdeen. The moment is profound and I can see that it leaves Katniss trembling. Then it hits me, she has to win, she has to come back no matter what.

Then we hear Effie's foreign peppy voice. "Now the gentlemen!" She says happily because I guess this dramatic scene will get her some attention back in the capitol. I still feel cold from what just happened I feel like I don't even care to hear the rest of this nonsense. I've never felt more sick at a Reaping, that is until she announces the male tribute.

"Peeta Mellark."

I come back to all my senses and I'm confused, I just heard my name. Then I feel the pain in my hands because Nathan and Silas are squeezing so hard. They instantly begin to pull me in opposite directions in hopes of protecting me, I'm sure. And I realize that I've been reaped. I feel lightheaded and something inside of me begins to move me. I have to try to rip myself away from Nathan and Silas. Then I'm furious, at the Capitol. I look at my friends and they are crying. I feel my own tears but I find this calm sense take over. I whisper at them to let me go. I look at the stage and I see Katniss, our eyes meet and I'm surprised to see that she looks pained, for me, she looks sad for me. It hits me again, Katniss has to win this, she has to come back. Suddenly I am hit with a wave of confidence of defiance and rebellion. I don't know how but I will play the Hunger Games on my terms.

As I walk towards the stage, I see Reece and my heart melts, he's on his knees crying. Then I see my dad hanging on to his arm as he falls to his knees and Ray and other neighbors try to hold him. I stop walking and I want to hold him so bad. "Dad…" I mouth under my breath but then I see the peacekeepers begin to move towards me so I keep moving forward. Then I almost fall over because my mother looks horrified, our eyes meet and she turns around and takes off running. She cares, this is the only sign she has ever shown that tells me she gives a damn about me. It gives me the courage to make my way to the stage. When I look out into the audience, I find Delly who is sobbing as some of our friends hug her. I look desperately for Ivy and I see her face, to my surprise she looks too furious to weep. She looks around desperately, for what I wonder? I'm not sure. Then Effie calls out for volunteers. Oh, that, that's what Ivy was waiting for. I don't expect to hear any volunteers and I don't want them.

I have a momentary existential crisis, what am I made of? And I fully recognize the kind of person that I am. I am going to be me to the end. Further, the bond that I feel towards Katniss becomes clear, I am fated, or maybe we are fated. I can't help but feel elated because I like knowing that I am a hopeless romantic even in the face of danger, this beauty shines through. It makes me feel free even though I can feel the weight of the shackles waiting to carry me to the Capitol as the Game's sacrificial victim.

So when Effie asks that we shake hands I nostalgically reach out, and for the first time in my life, I lovingly hold her hand in mine. I feel my heart start to drum furiously in my chest as I admire her tiny capable hand as I feel it engulfed by my large, broad, and burned hand. I will give up forever for her, because this world needs the things Katniss is made of. It's my sacrifice for a better world. I hold on to her hand a little too long and it grabs Katniss's attention, especially when I run my thumb over hand in an effort to offer my consolation. She doesn't know it but in my mind I'm finally admitting it to myself. It's her and me, I don't want anything else. I will keep her safe. It's my moment of truth, I am going to show the Capitol what I am made of. We're going to give them something they've never seen before.

* * *

I am transferred into the justice building and I ride an elevator as peacekeepers escort us to the top floor. All I can do as I stand there is think of my father. I hope he's okay. I know I'll see him shortly. In my mind I'm wondering what I can possibly say to them. I'm about to say good bye to all of them. When I step out of the elevator I'm surprised by the pretty floor then I am pushed into a room, an office. I didn't think anything could be so pretty in District 12. I stand around awkwardly.

The door opens and I spin around to see and it's Ivy, Silas, Nathan, and Delly. They run in and embrace me. I can't help it I begin to cry and my knees fail me but they are there to catch me. We just embrace and cry.

I quickly embrace Delly who looks like she's going to faint. All she can do is cry. I tell her how much I love her, and I ask her to please look after my father and brothers. She is the only being in this world that can offer the kind of sweetness that is missing in their lives.

Nathan gently places his hands on Delly's shoulders and holds her up as she lets go. Once she's standing on her own, Nathan hugs me and he begins to give me wrestling pointers. He reminds me of my weaknesses and advices me on how to correct them. I stare at him in amazement, like always he's constructive calm and collected. But as he trails off, he can't fight the tears anymore and he begins to cry. I rush to him and hug him. "I'll keep all of that in mind, okay. I promise." I tell him and he squeezes me harder.

Then Ivy pushes everyone to the side and she grips my face. She's not crying anymore instead she is furious, her eyes are blazing.

"You can win. I know you can. You're strong, smart, and I've seen you throw knives. You are a contender. You can win this." She tells me, more like a command really.

Of course everything she is saying has occurred to me already, but I have no intention of playing the Hunger Games. I don't have the heart to tell her.

She grasps my face again and shakes me. "Damn it Peeta! You can! You can win.."

I lean in and kiss her desperately. When I pull away I look into her eyes and she's crying again. "I love you, Ivy."

She begins to weep again.

"Hang in there." I tell her. I then feel anxious at the thought of never seeing her again. "Tell me whatever you have to say, just say it." I tell her desperately.

She starts to cry and I can tell she's thinking fast because she doesn't want to say good bye. "what can I say… tomorrow you'll be worlds away." She sobs. "Peeta you have to know that my world started with you. You have to come back." She barely gets these words out and she crashes her beautiful lips into mine and I kiss her desperately. Then all she can say is that she loves me.

Then I look at Silas and he has a peculiar look in his face. The way he is eying me, he's almost reproaching me. He walks towards me and hugs me. Then he whispers in my ear.

"I know you… I know what you're thinking – I just want you to know that I will never forgive you for giving up on yourself. You will regret it." I feel cold when he tells me this and I know instantly that he knows my plans, I don't know how but he does. "You don't always have to be the good guy, Peeta." He says this aloud again but I can see that he's pleading with his eyes. I have no words for him. He hugs me again. "I love you man." He tells me. "We're going to let your family in now."

I just nod and I feel a fresh wave of tears. "Good bye." I manage to say.

Nathan turns back. "We're going to follow through on the plan… everything will be fine when you get back. We'll be here." He tells me intently. Ivy runs to me again and we kiss desperately. She pulls away in time because the peacekeeper walks in to tell them their time is up. Then just like that they are out of the room and out of my life.

Not a second goes by before my dad, mom, and brothers appear at the door. My father runs to me and he hugs me so tightly. I'm shocked when he actually lifts me off the ground and holds me tight, just like he did when I was a boy only now he's weeping and I hold it together for his sake. He holds me for a long time and tells me he loves me over and over again. Then he sets me back down and part of me doesn't want him to, I want to feel safe in the comfort of his strong arms. I can't help but cry again.

Then Ray steps in between us and grips my shoulders. I look at his face and he's mad and his eyes are red from crying.

"Listen to me, you can pin me. You've done it so many times, I've lost count. You've done it in the middle of real fights between us. You're strong – you are so strong…" He tells me desperately as he speaks in circles. "I'm bigger and heavier then you and you can pin me!" I just stare at his authoritative voice and nod. "You can win this – you will. And your aim is better than all of us combined. You're great with the knifes okay. You're the best contender this District has had." He tells me again. I can't help but smile because I'm flattered that he thinks so highly of me.

My mother then interrupts the moment. "I don't know if he's the best… But we definitely have the best chance of having another Victor for sure. " Before she says it I know where she's going. I cringe and I feel Ray's hands tighten on my shoulders. "That girl can shoot with a bow and arrow." She adds.

Reece then charges at her and actually pushes her to the floor. My dad has to run to him to hold him back. "You are a monster!" Reece practically spits at her. I run to Reece and hug him and he begins to sob. I look over his shoulder and see my dad's face he's so pale as he stares hatefully at my mother. I know I want Katniss to win and I honestly believe she has a better chance than me. But this is my mother, she should believe in me, she should be on my side. I know that much.

"Why are you here?" I ask her and she looks at me, a little stunned and I realize that she has no idea how to behave this moment. She has become so bitter, so cynical, that is all she knows, all she can offer. "Good bye mom." I tell her sadly and she knows to stand up and walk out of the room.

Reece is still crying in my arms and he begins to apologize profusely. I know instantly that he feels bad for not volunteering.

"Don't let your mind go there… don't do that. There is no point, do you know what I would have become of me if you had… There is no bright side, no one wins." I tell him and I just hug him.

Dad finally approaches us and wraps his big strong arms around us, and he pulls Ray into our embrace.

"Peeta – you can win this you know." He says as he looks down into my eyes. "You are strong, yes, you can pin people like Ray, but you also have your charm, your intelligence, and you have more heart than anyone else I know. You'll find a way to get back here." Then we hold on to each other until the peacekeeper comes back.

They hug me tight again and begin to walk out as they wave their goodbyes.

"Dad." I call out to him and he turns back, he looks like he's aged thirty years since this morning. "It's Katniss dad…"

His eyes fill with tears and then he nods, fully understanding the enormity of my situation. "I know. You know what son, your words have the power to open up hearts, and I believe that love conquers all, I truly believe that." He tells me.

I'm surprised to hear him say this and for some reason that I don't understand it's exactly what I need to hear. "I love you – you're the best father in the world." I tell him wholeheartedly.

"and you are the most beautiful being in my life." He tells me. "You're going to make me proud, I know it." He eyes me knowingly and the peacekeeper has to come back and pull him out.

When the door shuts, I fall to my knees and begin to cry desperately.

* * *

Outside the room, Brian Mellark finds the strength to hold his sons up. He runs to them and embraces them. Then he and Ray end up consoling Reece because he still has it in his head that he was suppose to volunteer for Peeta but couldn't. They assure him that no one expected that from him, further that if he had they would all still be in this situation. They have to stand there and wait until another peacekeeper comes to escort them out and all Mr. Mellark can do is look at that door that separates him from his son. He should tear it down, he should run out of the building with his sons, and kill every peacekeeper that tries to stop him but then what? What would that do besides ensure that all his sons are murdered. Panic surges through him and for a second he is blind with rage.

Just then the other room opens, the door that holds Katniss and he sees her mother, Cora Everdeen. He stares at this grieving fragile woman that is shaking like a leaf, no doubt the only thing holding her together is the little hand that guides her out, little Primrose, who is the spitting image of her mother. Cora and he grew up together and he remembers everyday that they spent together. Looking at Prim is like looking into the past, a time where he could innocently reach out and hold Cora's hand without anything or anyone between them. He's unprepared to find her eyes. Cora looks at him and he realizes that she needs him, now more than ever. They are two mourning parents and there is nothing they can do to save their children. Her chin begins to tremble and she turns pale. Brian pulls away from his children and quickens his pace towards her.

"Cora" he whispers to her. And finally she falters a little and Brian catches her in his arms where she immediately exhales with a sob.

"Our children Brian…" She manages to weep out.

"I know."

"We've lost them… my Katniss. Nothing is ever easy for her." She continues to cry and she wraps her arms around him in hopes that he holds her tighter and he does. "How did this happen?"

She notices that Reece waves Primrose over and hands her a little bag of cookies. He pulls out a cookie to eat one in hopes of encouraging her to have one too. It works, she takes it, and says thank you. Mrs. Everdeen appreciates the gesture.

"We've lost them Brian." She tells him sadly.

He pulls her away abruptly but holds on to her arms. "No, we didn't. They have a chance."

She's startled. "Perhaps but that means one wins and…" She can't say more.

"Or they may surprise us." He tells her hopefully.

She stares at him and for a wonder she feels something spark inside of her, hope. "what?" she wonders what he could possibly mean.  
"Cora – your daughter is impressive and my son is spectacular." He pulls her into a hug and he whispers in her ear. "He is in love with her, Cora… My Peeta is so in love with your Katniss. They are not going to be alone."

She pulls back and she's shocked. She realizes that Katniss is not close to her and that she would never confide in her about her feelings. She knows Gale is special to her but she has never once said anything about it. She's certain that Peeta doesn't factor into Katniss's linear life perspective. "Brian…" She begins but he doesn't let her finish.

"I know they are going to surprise us." He insists.

He speaks with so much certainty that he manages to put doubt in her pessimistic outlook, that my some chance things can turn out fine.

* * *

After my family and friends leave I have to wait in the room for a peacekeeper to escort us to the train station. I'm left feeling cold and dejected on the floor, I don't bother to sit on the couch. I am trying to hold on to the feeling of my friends and family's embraces and kisses. I keep thinking of Ivy, her kiss, her words. I think of my friends farewells and all I can do is sit here and dissect their characters to fully memorize and appreciate who they were. Then I think of my brothers and I hope with everything that I have that Reece forgives himself, that Ray manages to subdue the bitterness that is present in his heart, and that dad finds some peace and happiness. Then I think of the last words he told me and I can't help but smile.

The door swings open and the peacekeeper tells me that it's time to go. When I stand up, I catch a glimpse in the mirror of myself and I'm all flushed, my eyes obviously red from crying, and the sorrow is unmistakable. It occurs to me that there will be cameras trailing us and I remember that all the Tributes always manage to keep a hard face to embody toughness, I guess. But I'm not interested in playing this game, I don't care if they see me like this. I'm being honest, I am heartbroken for so many reasons, and I leave knowing that I will never return. Besides, hard emotionless faces or grieving faces, it never matters, they never make the difference. My refusal to abide by preferred décor is my only form of resistance.

In the hallway Katniss walks out and study her carefully. Her face is strained but hard, she even looks a little angry. It scares me a little, she's ready to play the game, but then I find comfort in this. Something tells me she's not going to go down without a fight. Besides she must have plenty of reasons to return, primarily her sister Primrose, her mother of course, and I guess Gale. I realize instantly that they need her to live. She is Prim's life line. Good, it will make my task of helping her easier. Dad always said it's difficult to help those that will not help themselves. Everything begins to move in slow motion. As I step outside again I see a crowd of people standing around and they look at me pitifully. I feel so alone and I can hear my own heartbeat, it's pounding and I wonder if others can hear it. I look at the streets and I feel grief-stricken again, I will never see any of this again.

We get into a car and ride towards the train station and on the way I spot part of town and once again I am hit with waves of nostalgia. I keep thinking of the people that love me, and I convince myself that as hard as it will be for them to lose me, they will get on because they are all survivors. At the train, once again we need to position ourselves because Capitol camera crews want to get a shot of us departing from out home, of course they do, it is an effective shot. It's heartbreaking. I can see teleprompters and I can see us, Katniss standing tall stiff and angry while I appear overwhelmed and desolate.

Once we board the train, Effie shuts the doors and I look around. It's the fanciest place I have ever seen. Then I hear Effie gush over everything in the train as she prances around. I realize that Katniss and I are just standing around idly. I have an overwhelming need to be alone. So when Effie tells us that we can have whatever we want, I ask if there is a place I can be alone with my thoughts. She looks a little stunned but then she recovers and giggles. She asks an attendant to walk me to my private quarters. I walk away from them, and as I walk, the attendant tells me that I can help myself to whatever I want in the room, including clothes and shower. I realize that I do want to shower, I feel very tense and I bet this shower has hot water. At home, we have the luxury of a shower but the water is cool, almost always and so I tend to take baths in the winter so that I don't freeze. Once I'm in the room alone, I begin to cry all over again and my back begins to feel tense and it hurts. I walk into the bathroom and strip off my clothes. I turn on the shower and I step into it and let the hot water run all over me. I look down at my strong able body and I smile appreciatively, "I guess this is good bye" I tell myself. I stand in the hot water for about 20 minutes without really moving, and I clean off quickly, especially the sticky tears that have dried on my face.

When I step out of the shower I feel that the room is air conditioned and I'm not used to it, I feel cold. I look at the drawers where the attendant said I could find clothes. I open up the drawer and find more clothes than I have ever had in my life. I find long sleeve shirts and pants. When I try to put the shirt on I quickly realize that it's much too small. It will never fit. I look through the drawer again and I realize that everything is too small. I go to grab the pants and sure enough, they are also too small. I end up putting on my shirt and pants again, but I do put on a sweater that covers my cold arms, it will never button as it is too small, but at least my arms are warm. As long as I don't make too many arm movements I should be fine.

There is a knock on the door and it's the attendant, he tells me that I should make my way to the dining room for dinner. I follow him out and I make my way to the dining room. To my surprise, I see Haymitch Abernathy stretched out on an ottoman as he drinks from a glass. When I walk in his eyes meet mine, and whatever good humor he had disappears as soon as he sees me. I realize then that he hates this, he has to go back every year, and he loses every single child. I look at the drink in his hand, understanding.

"What are you thinking kid?" He asks me.

"I'm thinking a drink is looking real good about now." I respond.

His eyes brighten up a little and he offers me a half smile.

"Peeta, darling, you could have changed your clothes." Effie says as she looks me over. I realize that she would prefer it if I did, my best District attire is clearly too lowly for her tastes.

"I tried to change but the clothes in the drawers were much too small. Nothing fits me." I say to her. I'm surprised when she almost falls over with embarrassment and apologizes profusely. She goes on and on about how it was a total oversight and she is going to figure out if there is something else for me. I try to interject and insist that it's not a big deal but she is too upset to hear me. Then I don't bother saying anything else because this is a woman who is awfully sorry that she didn't have appropriate clothes waiting for me but she certainly isn't sorry that I'm about to be slaughtered for entertainment. She prances out of the room wondering if and how she can fix this. I'm in awe of her disconnect. I look back at Haymitch who is observing me closely; I can tell by the dancing eyes that he is still very drunk.

"Don't you just want to ask her what color the sky is in her world?" He says and I'm surprised because he could clearly see what was going on in my mind. I just smile at him. "Well have a seat. Ms. Manners is not here." He tells me.

I nod and take a seat. I immediately spot rolls of bread that are shaped like rose buds. I smile and think of my dad and brothers. I grab one.

"So the clothes didn't fit you?" He asks.

"No, too small."

I look at him and I can tell that he's studying me but before he can say anything Effie walks back.

"Well – Peeta I am so sorry. I inquired thoroughly and the clothes here are a result of past District 12 Tributes. They did an average, height and weight and we go off that."

I just nod and insist it's fine but she still looks mortified, I'm starting to feel genuinely amused by her distress. Could she be that clueless, I could not care less about my clothes under these circumstances.

"Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I had a Tribute from town, a Merchant." Haymitch says aloud.

"What are you talking about Haymitch, you only have one type of Tribute, District 12 Tributes." Effie shoots at him.

"One District divided in two very different worlds, brainless." He retorts.

Effie shoots him a disapproving look.

I react without thinking. "Come on Haymitch, you don't have to talk to her like that." Effie shoots me an immediate appreciative look.

Haymitch sits up now and looks me over again. He then walks towards me. "Well… aren't you the gentleman." He sits down in front of me and eyes me over again. "See Effie, Merchant child." He waves his arm in front of me to gesture my way. "Seam" He says pounding his hand into his chest, gesturing at himself.

"That's not entirely true – nobody in the Seam can afford your quantities of alcohol." I say to him. I realize that I am starting to antagonize him and I'm not sure that it's a good idea. I just don't like his attitude. Effie squeals delightedly and claps.

"Bravo Peeta. Bravo." She squeals with delight.

He shoots me a deadly look now. "Well Effie." He cuts through her cheers. "point here is, the clothes in the boy's quarters don't fit him because unlike Seam kids, he has had better nourishment and normal development. Unlike the previous growth stunted Seam kids you've grown accustom to, I'm sure Peeta here has had the chance to grow hair on his genitals." I'm shocked by his crassness and Effie stiffens again but I can tell that she is not going to give him the satisfaction of showing total defeat, clearly this is a quarrel that happens every year between the two. Then Haymitch looks at me. "Enjoy the wax job Peeta." He tells me feeling very satisfied with himself and I don't know what the hell he's talking about. He laughs when he sees the confusion in my face. "Let's see where your manners are after your first session with the Prep team."

I feel a little embarrassed because I don't know what he's talking about and Haymitch begins to laugh. Just then, Katniss walks in, she is wearing a different change of clothes, of course they fit her. Haymitch sees her and he begins to laugh again, no doubt, he feels validated. He looks at Effie. "See, Seam" he gestures towards a petite Katniss. "Merchant." He gestures in my direction and dramatically swings his arm around, indicating the difference in our sizes. Katniss just stares at him and she looks indifferent, whatever was going on in here, she wants nothing to do with it. She proceeds to sit down at the table, across from Effie, adjacent to me. Haymitch sways towards the bar in the compartment grabs a bottle and walks out.

Effie sighs in relief and happily tells us to enjoy our dinner. I look down at my plate but a part of me can't believe that I am in this close proximity to her. I continue to observe as discreetly as possible. I notice that the indifference she walked in with has seized to exist at the sight of the food. I can't help but crack a small smile, I realize that food for her doesn't come easily, I know firsthand. She eats her fist course in no time and more follows, she even asks for seconds. It occurs to me that I should probably put on weight for the Games, I haven't thought of the details nor do I want to think of the arena, but I'm going to have to hang in there if I want to help her. My thoughts are interrupted by Effie, who congratulates us on our good table manners. I look at her curiously and then she explains that last year, our Tributes ate their entire meal with their hands and even licked the plates. She said she almost lost her dinner. I remember the two Tributes, they were Seam kids and I know that they had never come close to seeing a dinner like this. My stomach hurts at the thought, they didn't last a day.

I notice that Katniss slows down her chewing and she looks Effie over. I proceed to eat without acknowledging Effie's thoughtless remark. I look at Katniss who is still chewing as she looks Effie over. An attendant comes back and puts the second servings in front of Katniss. This time, Katniss proceeds to grab the meat with her hands and proceeds to pick up the rice with her fingers, sloppily shoving it into her mouth. I have to take a deep breath not to laugh, and I absolutely have to look away when I see the look of disgust in Effie's face. As annoyed as I am with Effie, a part of me feels sorry for her, how can she be so vapid, but I guess she simply wouldn't know better. I'm not sure if this makes it okay. I decide to take it easy on her, clearly she has her hands full with Haymitch alone. So as much as I respect Katniss's protest, I use my utensils.

By the end of dinner, I feel beyond nauseous. The food was too rich, too heavy and it's too much for me. I look at Katniss and she looks like she'll lose her dinner but something tells me that she'll be damned before she wastes that meal. I politely turn down the desert because, I will never eat something that I can't finish. Katniss actually eats more. She easily ate more than me. I stop short at the thought that I have not thought once of my grief or the Games. I've been too busy observing Katniss and I guess living in the moment. Interesting, I didn't know I could do that. Just then, Effie invites us into another compartment where we can watch the rest of the Reapings.

I'm surprised when I'm genuinely curious. I need to see what we'll be up against. Once again, I stop short because my plan seems to be an inherent part of me. Without second guessing myself, I'm already seeing Katniss and I as a team. I know never to underestimate anyone, but I see the obvious competition, physically anyway. My thoughts are interrupted when Effie inquires about Haymitch's whereabouts and she begins to criticize him. I realize that she sees Haymitch as a depraved individual who chooses to misbehave. She must know that he is a sick man and he no longer has control over his drinking. I'm finally sick of her superficial reasoning because if anything, she's the one that doesn't seem to want to try to see or understand the complexities of everything. I can't control my cynical laugh and I guess this surprises both Effie and Katniss. They turn to look at me.

"You do realize that he is always like this. He doesn't save it for the Reaping, he is always drunk." I pause to confirm that she's following. "He's a drunk, an alcoholic…"

Effie seems to resent my tone. "Well… you better hope he can have some self control, he's responsible for collecting your sponsors' donations. He can be the difference between your life and death." She points out.

I'm shocked to hear her say this and my face must show it because she stops short. I don't have to say it, she understands the gravity of our situation.

She looks nervous and bids us a good night and urges us to get some rest because tomorrow will be a big day. I can't even think about it. I'm about to see the Capitol, a place I never wanted to see. I shake my head and I turn to the side and I'm startled when I find Katniss's beautiful eyes looking at me, they're overwhelming.

"Hi." I say breathlessly and she seems surprised by my greeting. I laugh a little. "I… hadn't had a chance to talk to you all day. You've been around but with everything…"

"You haven't had time to acknowledge me." She interrupts me.

That's not it at all but I realize there's no point in correcting her. What am I going to tell her, that I've been acknowledging her all day, and that I've been thinking about her every other second.

"What are we going to do about Haymitch?" she asks wondering.

As if on cue, Haymitch comes walking in aimlessly and he asks if dinner is ready. Just then he throws up all over the floor and somehow slips and falls right into it, face down too. I don't know if to feel sorry for him or completely disgusted by him. Effie's words hit me hard, he is the difference between our lives and deaths. It's just us so I move towards him and step cautiously around his vomit. I can hear him groaning and I bend down to help him up. I'm surprised when I see Katniss on his other side reaching for his arm. I'm about to tell her to step back but I stop myself, I realize that Katniss is not at all like the prissy town girls, this girl kills her own dinner. I'm sure she doesn't appreciate the scene, who would, but she can certainly handle it.

Once Haymitch is up, I'm surprised to see that he's conscious, he also has enough sense to realize that it smells bad in the room. Yeah, no thanks to him. Then he passes out again and I catch him. I cringe because I know that I am now covered in his vomit. I look at Katniss and she looks horrified, she then steps up and pulls one of his arms so that we can help me drag him to his room. When we enter his room, I am amazed at what a mess it is already. How is it possible. We then proceed to walk him towards his bathroom. I tell her to let go of his arm because I'm going to carry him. She steps back and I lift him in my arms and carefully lower him into the tub. I then turn on the shower on him and for a wonder he doesn't budge. I begin to unbutton his shirt.

"Do you need my help?"Katniss asks from behind me.

I turn to look at her and I can tell by the look on her face that she can't get away fast enough. She's disgusted and I don't blame her for wanting to get away from Haymitch. I feel a smile come on and she looks a little nervous when I do.

"No. You can go. I've got this."

"I can ask any of the attendants to help you, Effie said they could help with anything…" She insists.

"No, I'd rather do this." I tell her. She stands for a little bit longer then nods and walks out.

I'm startled when I hear Haymitch. "Are you always such a gentleman?"

I turn to face him and his eyes are wide awake. "You're awake."

"You didn't answer my question?"

"I don't know, I don't ever think about that. She clearly doesn't want to be here to clean you up so I let her go."

"You trying to win favor points from me?" He asks chuckling.

"No, I'm just helping you out. You clearly hate this and if I were you, I'd rather have a District 12 resident, even if I am a Merchant, clean me up then one of those Capitol people." I say sincerely.

I look at him and he eyes me curiously but he also looks surprised. "Can you take your pants off or do you need help?" I ask.

He sits up and looks around. Don't worry kid, I can clean myself up. You can go." He orders me out. I stand up but I worry about leaving him in that condition. So I wait around in his bedroom until he walks out. He has a towel wrapped around his waist and I can see a nasty scar across his abdomen. Surprisingly he's incredibly strong for someone that probably lives off alcohol. He's surprised to see me there.  
"What the hell are you still doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't fall or something, falls are dangerous in the bathroom you know." I tell him.

He eyes me suspiciously and it's my cue to go.

"I'll go now." I say to him and I bid him a good night.

When I go back into my room I make my way towards the bed. I sit on it and it feels so foreign, it's so soft, not at all firm. I think back to the day and I can't stop thinking about all their faces, my family and friends. I no longer feel like I have tears left. My mind has gone to another part of me that now has to determine what I'm going to do. I know that I will not play the Game, I will but on my terms, and my goal is to make sure Katniss wins. But how? The moment I think about the arena I feel sick to my stomach, but I force the idea. I realize that I will have to fight, I will have to kill, and I feel my body break into a sweat. How can I?

I think back to one dinner, years ago when my brothers and I had to face the Reapings together. Ray told me that without question, he knew he could do it. Reece and I were stunned, he shot us a dirty look and he said how can it be murder when it's self defense. He had a point. The majority of the Tributes lash out, they always start out defending themselves, primarily against the Careers. The Careers have been duped into thinking this is a sport. But they don't really count, they're not normal, it's why they almost always win. When non-career districts win, they've defended themselves for the most part, until insanity finally wins over and they have lost their humanity, I guess after days or even weeks of brutality you just want it to end and perhaps the possibility of coming out alive is enough to make anyone do just about anything. I know I don't have it in me to do that, but I do have it in me protect the people I love.

I think of Katniss and smile. Do I love her? I laugh aloud. How can I love her? I don't really know her but damn it, the mere sight of her makes me feel everything I feel when I'm with Ivy in our most intimate moments, only stronger. I feel like I'm delusional about it and completely unrealistic because there is no logic behind it, nothing to base it on, except for that one moment. When I admitted to Nathan and Silas that I had feelings for Katniss, they looked surprised because I never talk to her. In the past, when I liked a girl, nothing stopped me from pursuing those girls. When Silas asked why I hadn't done anything about it I thought long and hard about it and I didn't know, I just knew that she wasn't like other girls so how could I go about pursuing her the way I had with other girls. Silas laughed and called it puppy love because it seemed so innocent and harmless. But look at me now, I'm about to sacrifice myself for her, nothing innocent or harmless about that.

Then I think about it more and I realize that I'm not just doing it for her, I'm doing it for me. This is the only chance all of Panem is going to meet me, I am going to stand for something in the middle of that pointless game. I value selflessness, love, and mercy more than anything else. I've always known that. I'm not going to let the Capitol take that away from me. It will be my own private triumph and I know, I just know that this will make it easier on my family and friends. But how do I help her? I can tell she will not want to have anything to do with me.

Then I have a strange sensation in my stomach and it's not that sick feeling. It's something else. I force myself to breathe, I close my eyes, and I hope that I can sleep tonight because I don't want to think anymore. I want some peace.

* * *

District 12

That evening there is knock in Mrs. Everdeen's home and she finds the will to stand up. She is shocked to see Brian.

"I'm not going to stay long. I baked a lot of beef rolls, I always do to spoil my boys after the Reapings but we're not celebrating and I don't' want them to go to waste. Please have these for you and Prim you have plenty on your mind already. You can freeze what you don't eat." He tells her.

She doesn't know what to say. "Thank you." She offers.

"If you need anything else, please let me know."

And just like that he walks away from her.

* * *

Gale

Gale is sitting up against a tree trunk up high on a tree, well as high as he can. The smaller branches won't hold him. As soon as he saw his siblings and mother sit around the table to eat he ran out of the house and nobody stopped him. Nobody could have stopped him. As soon as he went under the wires he ran as far as he could for as long as he could stand it. He feels a choking sensation in his chest that is surely going to suffocate him. He wants to cry to scream but instead a raging grunt expels from his throat and it's bitter. He finally fears tears but they're not releasing his heart break, it's only making him more angry and it makes that suffocating pressure in his chest hurt even more. He looks up into the sky and he catches the last glimpse of orange and pink sun ray existing into the western sky. He knows he's to far away to head back into the district. He doesn't care anyway, he doesn't want to be in District 12 without her. He looks up into the trees and climbs up a sturdy one. He sits back and tries to breathe through the pain as he replays the day. How the hell could that happen?

Gale can't grasp this year's Reaping results. When he heard Prim's name his heart cracked, he's almost certain his hunter's ears were able to pick up on that sound in his depths. A second didn't pass before he knew what was coming next. Before he knew it there was tear aching its way out of his soul and down his cheek. He started moving a few seconds later because he knew, he knew what was coming next, well before he heard her screeching scream. He closes his eyes because he can actually hear it. "Prim!"

He just went through the motions, he reached for Primrose and puller her away from Katniss even though a part of him wanted to grasp on to her as well, like Prim he wanted to scream and cry and beg anyone that would prevent her from going.

Worst she left without letting her know that he's in love with her, and he'll never get the chance to tell her he wants to spend the rest of their life together. He wants to run away with her, at least he did mention that to her but he couldn't come out and tell her why he wanted to run away with her. Because he wanted to love her for the rest of their lives, keep her safe, build a life away from this. He truly feels numb again, the only other time he felt this was when his father died. His body shivers at the thought, he doesn't want to give up on her, she truly can win this. He' do anything to protect her if he could.

He curses himself as he punches the branch. He and Katniss had an agreement a long time ago that should either of them be reaped the other would help feel their families. He agreed to it because he thought it was fair and logical but he wasn't in love with her then. He had thrown that promise away a long time ago. Today, he didn't even hear the male reaping because he was too busy pulling Prim away into the safety and comfort of her mother's arms. By the time he had turned around Katniss was being ushered off with the male tribute into the justice building. The time to volunteer for that boy had come and gone.

He sits back bitterly wondering how she's doing. He can't help but think of the arena. He's certain that there will be woods of some type. There always is, it's the only way to keep the Games interesting. He looks down at the tree and is certain that Katniss will use a tree as a shelter, without a doubt. He loops up into the sky and admires the starry sky as he longingly calls for her "Katniss."


	4. CH 3 The Capitol

When I wake up I can hear and feel the rocking sensation of the train. I sit up and I'm happy that I was able to sleep. I get up and take another long hot shower, I love the feeling of the hot water running over my body, it's refreshing. When I step out I look at my shirt and I remember that it is dirty with Haymitch's vomit. I can't help but laugh. "Great" I mutter to myself. I make my way towards that drawers in the room again and I open the one with the shirts. I find a blue t-shirt shirt that seems stretchy. I pull it out and head towards my bed. At least I can wear my pants again. I inspect them closely to make sure they are clear of Haymitch's vomit and they are. I don't bother putting on the underwear from yesterday. I dry off my legs as I study them – they are strong and very muscular. "Don't fail me out there" I tell them. Once I'm dry I pull on my pants. I put on the shirt and it fits because it stretches but it's tight. I catch a glimpse in the mirror and I laugh because it's so form fitting it outlines every muscle on my torso, it looks like the shirt was painted on. I'm about to think of an alternative plan but then it hits me that this will work. The Capitol loves to see attractive Tributes, I need to start calling attention to myself, to me and Katniss. I swing my arms around to make sure I'm mobile and I am. I smile feeling very satisfied with myself.

When I make my way to the dining room I find Effie all made up. I wonder how early she has to get up to make herself up like this. I look at Haymitch and he looks depressed as he holds a glass full of red liquid, some type of alcohol, I'm sure. When Effie sees me she practically squeaks and Haymitch closes his eyes at the sound of her.

"Oh good you found something… and it's very flattering." She says.

"Thanks, it's too tight but my shirt from yesterday got dirty." I say to her and I look at Haymitch as he stares into space. I begin to wonder if he remembers anything from yesterday. Effie just smiles and insists that I begin to eat. I look around and I notice that Katniss is not here yet.

After a few moments she finally walks in, greets everyone but no one in particular and makes her way to sit next to me. Her arm brushes mine and I feel static run through me. I look at her to see if she acknowledges this but she's completely indifferent, no doubt this is totally unrequited. I smile at myself and I'm startled because Haymitch is observing me closely. As soon as she sits down she begins to eat and I find it very endearing. Once again I see Haymitch watching me, watching her.

It doesn't take long for Haymitch to start digging at Effie and Effie hitting back. I try to block them out as I watch Katniss out of the corner of my eye. Once again she's eating like a glutinous child. I notice that Haymitch and Effie are not arguing anymore so when I look ahead I find Haymitch watching me again, he seems amused, and I'm not sure why. Then for some reason Effie stands up and storms out. I guess I missed something.

I think back to what she said last night, that Haymitch is supposed to help us get sponsors. So I decide to get the ball rolling.

"So, Effie said you're supposed to help us…" I begin but he cuts me off with his cynical laughter. "You're supposed to advice us." I say feeling a little defensive because suddenly I realize that our lives depend on an alcoholic and the enormity of that implication hits me.

He laughs again and takes a drink from his glass, he hasn't touched his breakfast. "Sure, stay alive." He tells me and he begins to laugh aloud again. I'm furious, is this really his approach, is he really this careless? I'm furious, I feel my entire body tense up with fury.

"Very funny." I say and without thinking I slap the glass of liquor out of his hand. "only it's not to us." I reproach him.

His cold steel eyes find mine and I don't see it coming, he actually punches me and I hit the ground. I'm furious and I truly want to attack him but I can't do that. Then I'm startled when I hear a pounding sound. I look towards the table and I see Katniss holding a knife between Haymitch's hand and the bottle of wine. I feel a rush run through me and I quickly jump to my feet in case he tries to strike her. Haymitch is furiously staring at Katniss who is staring him down and he seems to not make any other threat against her. I go to grab ice but Haymitch stops me suddenly. He stands up and he seems calm now. He tells me not to ice my face because it'll look like I fought before the Games, I guess it'll make me tough. Then he looks back at Katniss and at me and laughs, he says something about having a pair of fighters this year. He orders Katniss to stand up next to me. He begins to circle us and he randomly touches us. He asks if we have any diseases or deformities and we both say no. Nice, one two more things I know about Katniss, no diseases or deformities. I turn my attention back to Haymitch and he seems to be in his own world right now and he starts to talk to himself really, he says that we're attractive enough and that the prep team will have plenty to work with. Somehow it doesn't seem like a compliment. Then he storms off talking to himself leaving us standing awkwardly.

"Does it hurt?" I hear Katniss ask and I jump at the sound of her voice. I look towards her.

"No, actually." I tell her as I reach for the spot on my jaw that he hit.

We are suddenly surrounded by darkness, as if someone had shut the lights off. I then feel her little hands grab for me and they land on my arm, she squeezes hard. I almost jump out of my skin by the feel of it. I realize that it's the tunnel that I read about in school, one of the few entrances to the Capitol. I immediately look to the sides in anticipation of what will be on the other side. Sure enough once we clear the tunnel, Katniss and I look at each other and I realize that we are both bright eyed and actually giddy to actually see it.

I'm astounded by the wave of emotions that I have felt since being Reaped. Nothing feels right, part of me thinks that I should be grief stricken but I surprise myself when I feel surges of energy, hope, and now giddiness. It's insanity really. All I can do is admire the beautiful city ahead of us, with its tall crystal like buildings and all the colors. Soon we are moving within the streets and I can see people as we begin to slow down, and I can't help but laugh at how absurd they all look. They start to point because they must realize that this is a Tribute train and they wave at us. Katniss pulls back away from the window. I remember that I have to get their attention so I wave at them too. They look pleased and actually start jumping up and down because of my acknowledgement.

We start to pull into a station and I turn around and find Katniss suspiciously looking at me. I point out to her that almost anyone could be a sponsor. The look on her face can only be described as reproachful and it stops me short because I realize that she sees me as competition, another Tribute to beat. How the hell am I going to overcome that in order to help her?

As we step out of the train there is a crowd waiting to see us, they start cheering and waving at us. They seem excited by the sight of us. Effie cheerfully tells me that they love beautiful things. Her description of us makes me cringe. As we begin to make our way towards a car, I can hear people assessing us. I'm getting nothing but compliments, they keep pointing out how beautiful I am, strong, attractive, they can't believe I'm from District 12. Nobody really comments on Katniss. While she shies away from everyone, I look around, smile, and wave at people. They truly appreciate it.

Deep inside, I'm disgusted, I once found a book in school that talked about an empire from a long time ago, they used to enslave people and some of these slaves were Gladiators, people that were placed in arenas where they had to fight to death against other Gladiators or animals. We certainly haven't progressed, and I can't help but feel disgusted; I am nothing more than a piece of meat for their consumption and enjoyment. But I can't show that.

In the car Haymitch looks focused and steady and he tells us that we need to do whatever our assigned Prep teams want - to just surrender to them. All I can think about is what he told me last night, something about a wax job. What the hell does that mean. Once we arrive Katniss and I are separated and I walk towards a room. Three individuals meet me, a man named Mik, and two women, Jasmine and Tori. As soon as they see me they squeal with pleasure. They run towards me and start to pull me in every direction. Tori exclaims "Look at this body." She says as she runs her hands all over my torso. Mik smiles and says he's impressed. Tori finally starts to jump around and says that they have a good one this year. I've never had to force a smile on my face before but I manage.

I finally speak over them. "Hi, I'm Peeta." I say to them in hopes that they acknowledge me as a person. They stop and fall silent. They then break into laughter again and simultaneously say that they knew that. Of course they did, they saw me on tv. Tori proceeds to pull my shirt up and I tense up but she doesn't notice because she's already in the middle of a conversation with Jasmine. Mik orders me to strip. I normally don't have a problem with nudity but for the first time in my life I feel self-conscious because I know I'm going to be picked apart and I've never experienced that in my life.

I'm dipped into a tub where Mik and Jasmine proceed to bathe me as if I were a child. When I tell them that I can bathe myself they laugh and ignore me. I think I have a faint memory of my mother bathing me when I was a little boy, I think it was unpleasant, at least this feels better. I finally stop resisting them, I guess this is what Haymitch was talking about. So I let them do their thing, they bathe me in three different baths, scrub me raw. Then I hear them talk about waxing, I tense up. They keep chattering so I finally ask.

"Hum, excuse me, but what's that? Wax?" I ask.

They stop talking stare at me in awe and start laughing. "To remove your body hair!" They shout simultaneously.

I laugh at the thought for just a second because I'm truly baffled. "Hum, why? Why would you do that?" I ask seriously and they laugh.

"So that you look clean silly." Tori points out. She then looks at my face. "You don't grow a beard do you?" She inquires and I say no. I haven't grown a beard yet. Reece and Ray didn't start growing facial hair until they were 18. "Good." Then she looks me over again and smiles appreciatively. "When we remove the hair growing on your chest and stomach everyone will be able to better see that gorgeous physique. I am still shocked, I've never seen a tribute from District 12 look like you." She proclaims again.

"So true. The Capitol is going to love you…" Mik says. "I mean you're no Finnick Odair, but you are a whole different type of gorgeous. Look at those baby blue eyes, and the blonde curls…" He says and the other two begin to coo as he says this and they get excited all over again.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Tori asks curiously.

I'm startled because I was not prepared to answer personal questions. "No." I say quickly. Then I notice that she's staring at my penis.

She shrugs. "That's too bad – what a waste." She says carelessly as she looks away. I'm taken aback for a few reasons, it's not that the comment is rude per say, it's the fact that she is acknowledging that I could die here, and yes I guess a penis like mine, virgin or no virgin, would be a waste in her book. I laugh because it's the closest thing to pity that I've encountered since dealing with Capitol citizens. Mik then lays me down on a hard bed and proceeds to apply hot wax on my chest.

Literally, the wax job sounds how it feels. I grit my teeth.

After I'm triple bathed, moisturized, waxed, oiled, and bathed again I stand around naked waiting for my head designer, her name is Portia. I'm thankful that they left my pubic hair alone.

"Yes Haymitch I guess I was fed well enough to grow hair on my balls. Let's leave it there." I mutter under my breath.

I stand around waiting for Portia. I never pay attention to these details of the game and I don't know if she's the usual person District 12 gets. She finally walks in and she instantly offers me a kind soft smile. She even looks pitifully at me, but not in an offensive way.

"I know - it was rough." She says apologetically, her tone makes me relax for the first time all day. She looks me over. "They were going on and on about you, that you are even more beautiful in person than how you looked on tv."

"Thank you…"

"Well Peeta, you can cover up if you'd like." She tells me and I do. After that session the concept of nudity has a whole new meaning. Not only have I felt super naked but I'm also cold, I'm not used to the air conditioning. "Me and your fellow Tribute's stylist have come up with a very clever idea for the opening ceremony."

I look at her and laugh instantly. "Am I going to be naked?" I ask laughing because the team has been going on and on about my body. I also laugh because I can't help but think of Nathan and Silas, especially Silas. I can picture him laughing out loud back home, never mind that everyone else Is sick with worry and grief.

She laughs. "No, but I can only imagine why you would think that considering how the rest of your Prep Team has been going on and on… But no, we're going to make you burning coal. I'm sure you can relate to that"

"No actually I can't." I tell her casually and her smiles leaves her, so I explain. "I know a lot about coal but aside from using it for warmth, learning about it in school, I've never actually handled it personally. I'm merchant." I say logically, "so I don't handle that, no one in my family has ever been a coal miner." I say to her without really thinking, then I realize that perhaps my comment is reproachful and haughty so I look at her face but she doesn't seem insulted. Instead, she smiles.

"What does your family do?" She asks

"I'm a baker, like my dad, his dad, and his dad before that." I say to her and she seems touched.

"I would have never guessed that, especially not by your athletic built." She tells me.

"Well don't let the baking thing fool you, I am athletic, I wrestle." I tell her with a smile.

She looks surprised. "Oh yeah.. you any good?" She asks.

I smile proudly. "Yes, champion in my weight class."

She smiles and she reaches out to run her hand through my hair, to brush some of my curls from my forehead, and for a wonder there is something caring about this gesture. I wasn't expecting it from anyone in the Capitol. "I have to say, I'm very surprised." She tells me. "Well come on, let's get you in your suit."

I get dressed and she explains how the suit will work. I'm nervous when she tells me that it will be on fire, but not real fire, a synthetic fire. That's what scares me, like the Capitol, it's fake and I'm terrified of the Capitol. Further I may be used to working with fires at the bakery but it's another things to be on fire, she reassures me that it's not a real fire again and again. It doesn't help when she shows me the synthetic fire on a surface because it looks like a real fucking fire. But I remember that if I were to burn alive, she'd probably be in a lot trouble for killing off two tributes before the Games officially started.

We finally arrive to the meeting area, where we will be paraded through the City Center and everyone can take a good look at their Tributes. I feel disgusted and I catch a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors of the car, I look like the ideal prototype Tribute, perfect make up and perfect costume. I feel sick to my stomach. Then I see that Portia is studying me and I jump. I have enough sense to shoot her a dashing smile and this makes her laugh.

"You're good at that, turning on the charm on a whim… for the record you don't have to do that with me." She then reaches out and squeezes my hand. "I know I'm asking for a lot but you can trust me, I'm on your side." She tells me and my gut instinct tells me to trust her, in fact I badly need to feel like I can trust someone.

"Is it safe to talk here?" I say quietly and her smile leaves her. She nods yes.

I don't know why but I have to get it off my chest. "I'm not playing this Game, I want her to win, Katniss."

She looks startled and she even looks concerned. "Why?"

I take a deep breath, lean in closer, and let go as I exhale. "I think I love her a little." I say it in a whisper and for a wonder she doesn't laugh. She actually looks a little scared and now I'm the one that is trying to figure her out. She looks away from me, stares ahead, but squeezes my hand.

When we arrive I step out and find Haymitch, Cinna, and Katniss. I don't really say much to Katniss, I feel adrenaline running through me because of what I just admitted to Portia. I look around and we are told to head towards our chariot, which will be pulled by four coal black horses. They're beautiful. I climb up on the chariot and I instinctively reach my hand out to help Katniss up. She first looks surprised by my offering and I wonder if I should have done that. But I notice that people in the crowd point at us and they seem to approve my gesture. I remember Effie had been going on and on about my manners. I guess they like that. Katniss takes my hand and steps up. I don't really even pay attention to the other Tributes, I'm not sure why. We line up by District and the chariots begin to move in order, so of course, we are at the end.

As we stand and wait Katniss and I look at each other nervously.

"You know about the fire?" She asks.

"I'll put you out if you put me out." I offer as I look away from her.

"Deal." She says and I can hear a smile on her face, I have to look at her to believe it and I'm surprised to see it, a real genuine smile.

That's when Cinna and Portia step up to set the fires. I take a deep breath in anticipation of a scorching heat but it never comes. I exhale with relief.

The crowd has already begun to cheer because of the Tributes ahead of us. Our chariot has begun to pull away and I notice Cinna telling us something. Katniss is trying to make out what he says and I manage to read his lips. "I think he wants us to hold hands." Without asking I grab her hand as I look back at Cinna. He just shoots me a dazzling smile and he gestures thumbs up. I look ahead and look at the crowd that instantly notice us. They undoubtedly grow louder at the sight of us. I look at the screen and we look amazing. I turn to look at Katniss and she look spectacular. I can't help but smile and as I do I quickly notice her hand tighten around mine with every passing second. She' so nervous, but her face wouldn't show it. I smile and wave at the crowd. People are throwing roses at us. It occurs to me to turn my attention towards her as well. I look at the crowd but I make a point to turn back to her, I want people to notice my admiration of her. As we come closer to the city center, she notices her breaking grip around my hand and lets go. She laughs nervously and whispers and apology. I realize that I don't want her to let go so I lie and tell her to not let go because I feel like I may fall. She looks surprised but she takes my hand again and I make a note to show how endearing I find her. She looks away nervously.

It's obvious that we were the hit of the night. I actually feel excited because I would not have expected it. But I am happy, we need to leave a mark for sponsors. When I step out of the chariot I offer Katniss my hand again and this time she doesn't hesitate, she takes it and says thank you. I look around to see if I can see Haymitch but there is no sight of him. I ask about him aloud and Katniss surprises me when she jokes about how he shouldn't be around open flames because he's so saturated in alcohol. We laugh aloud and our eyes meet, which stops her short.

"We did good – and we didn't catch fire. The crowd loved us." She says happily.

"They loved you…" I tell her and she seems surprised to hear me. "Didn't you hear them they kept calling for you." She stares intently at me and I don't hold back. "Flames suit you… you should wear them more often." I surprise myself because that's a very obvious come on. I then feel a shy smile creeping across my face and I don' t really know what to make of her expression.

She stares at me and I dare say she looks coy for a second and to my surprise she stands on tip toe and she kisses my jaw, right where Haymitch punched me. I almost fall over I'm so excited and surprised. She smiles abashedly and scurries off. I notice that cameras were around and they point in our direction.

* * *

After that hell of an entrance last night, I make my way to breakfast where Haymitch and Effie are waiting. Haymitch is actually sober and he's eating. Katniss is the last to join us, when she sees me, she offers me a tight smile. I'm still not sure what to make of that kiss she gave me last night. It was innocent, it was on my chin where Haymitch clocked me, but I can't get over the fact that it seemed insincere. I guess I was kind of flirting with her and she may have just flirted back. I can't help but laugh at the thought because I guess I can't believe that Katniss Everdeen would so easily flirt back.

Then there is the other angle, she is simply playing me. If she senses any interest on my part, she is already taking advantage because she wants to win and go back home. When I think about this a freezing sensation spreads in my chest; if this is the case it works in my favor because I do want her to win but it's unsettling.

Today Haymitch asked that Katniss and I partner up at the training center. For starters, I don't know how I feel about this because I haven't quite laid out my plan. I'm not even sure there is a way to do that. I do know that I wanted to size up the competition. I wanted to talk to the others, especially the Careers, but now that won't happen.

Haymitch then asks a pivotal question, he wants to know if we want to be trained together or separately. Imagine my surprise when she says together, there wasn't even a discussion. I don't know what to think so I panic and quickly agree.

Then he asks about our talents. I'm surprised when Katniss doesn't say much. This surprises me because she wanted us to train together but now she's holding back on her biggest strength and perhaps her biggest appeal to potential sponsors. I feel surprisingly annoyed and defensive. I realize that it's because I fear becoming her prey. So I answer for her. I tell Haymitch that she can hunt with a bow and arrow. Katniss shoots me a cold look and it makes me feel even more panicked. When Haymitch asks if she's good she shrugs it off so once again I point out to Haymitch that her aim is impeccable. She looks furious now.

"What about you? What about what you can do?" She reproaches me.

I was not expecting her to speak directly to me. I look at Haymitch and I can tell that he's studying us and he'd rather watch this unfold since we aren't communicating to him. "I can bake." I retort a little miffed now. "what good will that do?"

She shoots me a dirty look. "He can wrestle." She says raising her voice and then she looks at Haymitch. "He's a wrestling champion."

"That won't compete with someone that can use weapons from far away." I shout at her and I'm not sure where this tension is coming from. Why is she trying to hype me up, why am I defensive?

"There is always hand to hand combat, always." She says coolly.

"Oh please." I say throwing my napkin on the table because I can feel my temper boiling over.

"He's strong too. He can throw more than a hundred pounds over his head, I've seen him."

I'm shocked when the hell would she have seen that, is it even true? I realize that I need to calm down and I tell her the only thing I can think of. I think back to how everyone in District 12 admires her, and how undoubtedly the Capitol, and sponsors will see her. No one can compete with that kind of allure in the games. "You really have no idea the effect you have on people? Why the people in District 12 look out for you?"

She finally seems stunned. She seems to be thinking fast because she doesn't know what to say. She stares at me and she finally speaks up. Her voice is soft and cautious. "I wouldn't be here today if one person hadn't helped me in the past." She gives me a knowing look.

I stare into her eyes, they're gentle for a change. I feel hit. I almost panic because I truly believe that she is referring to that day with the bread. After all these years of not openly acknowledging the profound effect that day had on me I feel like I may break to hear her talk about it now. Is she manipulating me? I panic because I suddenly miss everything back home, my parents, my brothers, my friends, Ivy, school, and all the beauty in this world. There may not be a lot but I live for it and somehow that day, that moment, is what proves to me the kind of person I am - merciful and it's the lens through which I choose to see the whole world.

I realize now that having her acknowledge it, if it is genuine, is too much to bear under these circumstances because it makes me feel like my life is coming to an end. So I take a deep breath and look away. I start to feel how unfair this whole situation is again and how terrified I am of the Games, and I start to resent all the bad. I can't help it when I unexpectedly throw my mother out there in the middle of this argument. I look at Haymitch and tell him that my own mother is putting her bets on Katniss not me. I stand up and walk away. As I turn around, I see Katniss sitting still, stiffly, as she stares down at her plate.

After I take some time to myself in my quarters, I force myself to calm down and just let this go. I make my way outside again and Haymitch and Effie are waiting. Once again Haymitch is all business, he doesn't care to rehash our conversation from earlier, come to think of it, he was awfully quiet. I don't know him well but it just seems unlike him. Before he sets us off he tells me and Katniss to not show off our talents so he asks Katniss to avoid the bow and arrow all together and then he laughs when he looks at me.

"You avoid throwing weights around and baking." He says laughing. I can't help but smile this seems more like him. "But seriously avoid the hand to hand combat station, it will be there." He tells me with a more serious tone.

Katniss and I then ride the elevator down together but now there is something different between us. We seem to have crossed a boundary when she brought up my help and now I feel this strange tension. I try to distract myself with other thoughts when I realize that I actually didn't share my talent with Haymitch. It was not my intention, I just got completely distracted. I can throw knives, better than all my friends, better than my brothers, hell better than my dad. I realize that I can actually hit the hand-to-hand combat station because it is the best place to size up the competition. I just won't throw the knives around. I start to laugh at the stupid thought of throwing weights around. Who the hell would do that?

I realize that Katniss is eyeing me curiously and I turn to her and smile. She doesn't ask. Which reminds me, what the hell was Katniss talking about, me throwing around hundreds of pounds over my head. Then it hits me, when we pull bags of flour at the bakery. When it's delivered to the bakery my brothers and I help unload. Those large bags of flour weight between one hundred and one hundred and sixty pounds, the bags are marked on the outside. I can lift the sixty-pound bags with just one hand. She has seen me do this. Which means she has been watching me, like I her.

This confuses me because maybe she's not just sizing me up as her competition, perhaps she has been curious about me. I can't help but feel flushed all over because what if all this time we have mutually shared a silent bond ever since that day. What if it wasn't just an insignificant gesture, what if it had the power to put something into motion. I stop myself short, I always do this. Dad tells me I'm a hopeless romantic, while he sees it as a virtue but my brothers call me a sucker for it and they often warn me that I'll pay dearly for it one day. Which brings me to my current predicament, is this self-sacrifice approach a virtue or am I a sucker. Because I guess, I will allow myself to bleed and die for a girl that will never be mine.

I remind myself that it's not just about Katniss or my romantic illusions, it's about taking a stand. I've done nothing to the Capitol to deserve this punishment and I'll be damned if they strip me of everything I value.

Once we enter the training center I can't ignore that all eyes are on us, we are the last to arrive, and I'm sure they are all thinking of our grand entrance yesterday. I ask Katniss where she would like to start and she suggests the rope station. We proceed to make our way throughout the stations. We also sit through a session at the plant station, very useful since I'll need to keep myself fed.

We then hit the camouflage station and I actually find this one fun. I notice that Katniss could not care less about this station, which honestly disappoints me. I love to draw and I have a natural talent for painting I guess although I don't do it nearly as much as I would like. So, frosting cakes is my only substitute and outlet. I try to joke about it with her but my nerves make me an obnoxious and lame mess. I usually don't fail so miserably in talking to girls, but I guess being reaped into the Hunger Games doesn't make it a prime opportunity.

We spend all day in the center. After the camouflage station, I realized that Katniss needed a break from me so I suggested we split up for a bit and she is too eager to comply. I make my way to the hand-to-hand combat station. The boy from District 2 is standing ahead of me. He's as tall as Ray and they are about the same weight. I try to listen to his conversation and it doesn't take me long to realize that something is wrong with him. He's talking with so much brutality and total disregard for human life that I feel sick. His name is Cato, and it appears that he grew up in a training center like this, basically he knows nothing but brutality he was raised to participate in these Games. I shudder at the thought. He is socially inept. He has no concept of personal space and something tells me he was raised to overlook these social etiquette, after all he was trained to throw everyone off. He's standing next to a girl from 1, Glimmer, a pretty blonde girl that seems pretty hard in nature. No doubt, the Career districts will ally in the Games they usually do but they inevitably tear each other to shreds. The most brutal murders I've seen are always among themselves.

I look around at the other stations and I see the impressive large boy from 11. He's actually taller than Cato, in fact he is the tallest person I have ever seen. He's massive all around, he's not fat, he's hard muscle. Earlier I accidentally bumped into him and I felt like I hit a brick wall. I shudder to think that I would ever have to go up against him. His name is Thresh, and it suits him. He's standing around watching everything but nobody. I also notice his fellow Tribute, the little twelve year old by the name of Rue. When I saw her yesterday, I had to look away. I know that I don't want to win and I can only help one person win, and that person is Katniss. But I can't help it when something inside me shudders at the sight of this innocent child. Then I wonder if Katniss could go through with killing someone like her if she had to? I know I couldn't.

Then I hear his voice. "Hey cry baby.." followed by laughter and for some reason I see that all eyes are on me. I look ahead and I see Cato. He just finished his sparring session with one of the instructors and it appears he's talking to me now.

"Cry baby?" I respond curiously as I offer an amused look. But something else kicks in, my self-preservation and based on what I heard him talking about earlier and by the sound of his vocabulary I gather that he's not very bright. I'm not sure what he was expecting but he wasn't expecting my indifferent response served with a dose of slyness.

"Yeah… you were red and puffy with tears at your Reaping." He says already looking frustrated with me.

I am not at all embarrassed about this and I'm being painfully obvious about it that it's funny. "Oh.. that." I say laughing. "Well who could blame me." Then I realize that to be convincing I have to be honest, partially anyway. "Had you seen how I spent the last two weeks before the Reaping, you'd cry too knowing you may never go back to that." I say this while thinking of the Nights of Debauchery.

I look at the other Tributes and something registers in their faces, they smirk in agreement as if they knew exactly what I was referring to. I then wonder if they too have similar events, they must. Cato on the other hand, who was born and raised into a training center, wouldn't know the first thing about it. So imagine the look on his face when all the other Tributes start to laugh sympathetically. For some reason he turns bright red and he clearly wants to attack me. I stare indifferently at him, and I'm ready for him. It wouldn't be the first time I've dealt with a some guy trying to throw his weight around and bully others.

We are interrupted by the trainer who asks for a sparring partner for the District 1 male tribute. I realize that I have to end this on a high note and I'm impressed by my confidence. I volunteer and walk towards the mat. The trainer begins to show us a few things. The District 1 Tribute is no doubt also a Career but he's not unhinged like Cato. He's about my weight but taller, not Cato tall, but taller than me. When the trainer orders us to spar, he doesn't see it coming. I always let my opponents make the first move, I find that some moves are calculated and others are panicked. His are erratic and I easily overcome his advancements and deflect his attempts to strike me. Imagine his surprise when I easily overpower him and pin him. He's panting and panicked, with my face next to his, I whisper into his ear as I squeeze with my arm, which is around his head. I whisper.

"Snap." I say as I push his head a little. "You're dead."

The trainer then orders me to let him go. I do. He finally flips back onto his back and he stares at me completely stunned. I smile at him and offer him my hand to help him up but he just glares at me instead. I can't help it, the adrenaline is pumping through me now because without a doubt our strategies become very real here. It dawns on me that somehow, I have to get in with the Careers, after all they are Katniss's biggest opponents. The trainer then offers to spar with me and I quickly realize why, because he can see this is my strength. It's the same reason he sparred with Cato, no one else was going to match his strength, he just wasn't expecting that a District 12 Tribute could do this. I look around and I notice that all the other Tributes are smiling approvingly at me, I guess we like to see the outer Districts beat the Careers at something. But then I see Cato. He looks furious, bright red, he's even sweating, trembling, and he's glaring at me. I don't have to think about it too much, he's insane.

To my surprise the blonde girl from 1, Glimmer insists on sparring with me. We begin to spar and I easily overpower her but I don't underestimate her after all she was raised in a career center too. She's cunning I can tell because she wastes no time to start flirting with me. I'm a little amused, once again I see Cato just standing there, fuming as he stares at me and I'm not sure why. It's unsettling and I have no doubt that he'll be coming after me in the Arena.

After training is over for the day we all make our way to the elevator, Cato of course makes a point to bump me as he walks past me. I can't help but laugh and others around me do too. I look around, I see people smiling at me, I roll my eyes and laugh, thereby dismissing Cato's pettiness, and they all laugh again. I turn around and I see him entering the elevator bright red and just about foaming at the mouth. Katniss makes her way towards me and she stands next to me. She's quiet and just nods when she makes eye contact with me. I was noticing her after we split up and she avoided the bow and arrow. I saw a few people practice with it, including Glimmer, and there is no way any of them are as good as Katniss. She must be thrilled.

Once it's just the two of us in the elevator she speaks to me. "Haymitch said you weren't supposed to show off your talent. Way to be subtle by pinning a Career." She says.

I feel a large smile stretch across my face when I hear her tone. "Wow, I didn't know you were sarcastic." I say genuinely amused. She turns to look at me surprised by my response. I laugh because I am genuinely stunned, I'm uncovering pieces of her. "Don't worry about it" I assure her. "It was a pomp thing, they were trying to show me up so I had to show off some too." I say feeling a little amused. I look at her again and for a wonder she's smiling at me. "Nice smile." I say to her and she quickly turns it to a scowl and I laugh again. "Do girls do this with each other show off to each other?" I ask.

She looks confused but she laughs a little. "No…" Then she looks a little bewildered. " I mean, I don't know… I don't." She says thoughtfully.

I realize that she doesn't have a lot of friends aside from Madge. I laugh again at the thought of her and Madge together. I know they're good friends, Madge actually prefers her company to us. "Are you sure? You don't have show off moments with Madge?" I ask and she turns to look at me a little surprised. "Come on you can tell me, does she play her piano to show off, and you shoot at things to try to show her up?"

She actually laughs aloud. "Don't be stupid." She responds.

Then I think of Madge and I stop short. "I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to Madge…" I say feeling suddenly stunned.

"She came to see me." Katniss says sadly. I turn to look at her.

I smile at the thought of her. "Madge…" I say nostalgically as I think of her goodness, her sweetness, her friendship. "Beautiful Madge." I say it with nostalgia as I look at Katniss and she stares intently at me.

"Yes, she's very kind, a good friend." She says nervously.

I laugh when I think of one of the last times I saw Madge, and Katniss stares quizzically at me so I explain. "Last time I saw her, we were at a party, nights of debauchery…" And I notice that Katniss's eyes widen and I realize that she may very likely find them disgusting. "Anyway, let's just say she just about ran out screaming." I say laughing as I remember the look on Madge's face as she saw Silas begin a threesome.

Katniss's eyes grow even wider and she looks away from me and she laughs nervously. "Swell." Then we're quiet for a moment. "I would have never thought you would attend those things…" She says both surprised and disapprovingly. I look at her and wonder what she has made of me all these years, I'm about to ask but we get to our floor and she steps out and runs towards her room. I follow suit and wash up.

I clean up quickly and dress myself. I noticed that Effie had people bring me new clothes after she gathered my measurements from my prep team. I don't like to sit around in this large strange room and so I step out to seek the company of my team, especially Portia. When I find her outside she gives me a hug and lovingly asks how my day went. I find her treatment disarming, I didn't think I could trust anyone from the Capitol but she makes me genuinely believe that she cares about me. I tell her it was fine that I learned some new things and that otherwise I was sizing up the competition. When she asks if I practiced my strengths I tell her no, and I'm not lying. I stayed away from knives all day.

I notice that Haymitch steps away from everyone and goes through a door. I know that we can go anywhere in this floor and I decide to follow him because I actually do want to tell him about the knifes. When I open the door I am met by stairs that lead up, I go up and there is another door. When I open it I find the fresh air hit me. It instantly revives me, I didn't even know I needed it. I look around and I don't see him, then I notice a tinkling sound and I follow it. There are gardens up here and I'm also distracted by the sight of this grand city. I'm overwhelmed by the lights.

I look around again and I finally see him looking out into the distance. As I come closer I realize that he's talking, to himself? I wonder. Then I feel like I shouldn't be here. I accidentally bump into a potted plant and it falls over which makes Haymitch turn around, startled. I also notice that he removed something from his ear. He was definitely talking to someone.

"Sorry Haymitch, I didn't know you were on the phone…" I say honestly and I wonder if it was a phone or he was talking to himself. How crazy is he anyway?

He eyes me curiously and then he relaxes. "What is it?" He asks.

I forget why I'm up there. "Hum, I saw you step out and I was wondering where you were going. I didn't know we could come up here." I say smiling as I look around.

"oh.. yeah you can." Then he looks around. "I was on the phone with some friends." He says and I'm surprised, I can't imagine Haymitch having friends with all his drinking. Then I notice that he's holding one drink but he seems sober. I guess that's good. "Yes, I have friends." He says pointedly, he must have read my mind. I laugh and this seems to put him at ease. "They are other Mentors, like me."

This surprises me. "That must be weird." I tell him thinking that in a way he has to compete against them to try to save his Tributes.

He laughs. "You'd be surprised how it's not." He says.

"Don't want to find out." I say carelessly.

"Have you counted yourself out already?" He asks as he approaches me and he studies me. I look at him and I don't know what to say. "Don't think I didn't notice how you were trying to showcase little Miss Sunshine downstairs earlier today." He tells me. "What's your deal?"

I stare at him. "I don't have a deal… I don't want to win." I tell him frankly.

"Is that why you pinned a Career in training today?" He asks me reproachfully. How can he know that?

"I had to… you must understand." I say to him and he eyes me knowingly and nods.

"Why don't you want to win?" he asks again.

"Because I want Katniss to go home." When I say this he almost falls over and he stares at me.

"Why?" He asks.

I take a deep breath because I know that to someone like Haymitch, my reasoning is going to be ludicrous. I don't want him to shame me for something that is so precious to me. So I'm hesitant. "I think I love her." I finally say it.

He of course starts laughing.

Between bouts of laughter he looks at me and studies me seriously but before I can say anything he starts to laugh again. Finally he speaks.

"kid you are good, you are really good. I would have never thought of that. And I thought I had heard it all in efforts to get me to favor them over their fellow tribute…" He takes a deep breath again and he looks a little more serious. "I've even had Tributes offer themselves to me in hopes that I favor them…" He looks disgusted at the thought and he shakes his head.

"That's terrible." I say in disgust.

"I know… I'm not like that. I may be a lot of things – but not that." He says as he takes a drink. Then he turns his attention to me again. "What's your angle? If I back you up, you're not going to go rogue on me out there will you?" Before I can answer he continues. "Wait, I can see there is tension between the two of you, you clearly know each other, and there is some unsolved issue? You're not going to go gunning for her are you? Cause that is unforgivable." He tells me reproachfully. "Were you to win, the people in the district would make your life a living hell for maliciously taking her down."

I'm shocked at what he's saying. I guess there is a difference between killing your fellow District Tribute out of necessity to survive and maliciously taking them out. That would be dishonorable. "You have me all wrong." I finally speak up. "I have no angle, and she and I don't know each other… we just know of each other."

He stares at me curiously now. I walk closer to him now because I don't want to be loud, I'm sure the capitol can hear us. "Look – my feelings aside - I don't want to play this game." I say it to him in a whisper and he studies me. "I realize that I could just jump off my podium in the Arena before time and end it and I probably would but she's here, I want to help her. It is that simple."

"Because you love her…" He confirms, seriously now without laughing.

"Yes – and you don't have to believe that or find it important, it's my business really."

He interrupts me. "Does she know?"

I laugh now. "No she doesn't and it really doesn't matter if she does."

"You should tell her – if you are not going to play to win you might as well put it all out there." He tells me.

It's bizarre really to be getting advice from Haymitch Abernathy of all people on Katniss. I smile at him. "I'll think about it. Look – I don't want us to train together anymore. I need to size up the competition and I can't do that by just hanging around her."

He stares at me as I wait for a response. "Let me think about this, train with her tomorrow." Then he looks out into the distance then he looks at me again and smiles a little. "Something tells me that it would be hard to convince her about your feelings. She is hard as nails…" He says frustrated. From the short amount of time that they've known each other he seems to argue with her a lot and it doesn't make her more forthcoming.

"Something tells me that you like her." I say smiling and he looks at me and laughs.

"No – she's a pain in the ass, … yeah she's a real pain in the ass." He says again.

"Okay then. I'm going to head back down, sorry for interrupting your call again." I say again.

"No worries." He says as he turns his back to me again.

I make my way downstairs. I am happy to see Portia and Cinna. I can't get over how down to earth they both are and I have to wonder if they are actually from the districts but that's impossible. Portia is just as made up as Effie but she is nothing like her. Considering she's a stylist I would have thought she was going to be shallow and superficial but she's not at all. I mean the rest of my prep team is pretty clueless but not her.

Portia pulls me down on a sofa and tells me about the outfit she'll be designing for my interview. She tells me to be myself, to try to relax as much as possible so that I can charm Caesar and the Sponsors. I realize that I will have to play along for a while if I am to stay alive in the Arena and I guess I will need sponsors so I agree. Haymitch finally comes down and both Portia and Cinna approach him. For a wonder Haymitch is actually civil with them. I've never seen him like this before.

Katniss finally joins us and the conversation is intense, we're really just talked at by everybody, how we should dress, how we should behave, what we should do, who we shouldn't talk to, and how we should treat other tributes during training. I honestly can't even really enjoy my delicious dinner. I feel nerves just hearing them. I notice that Katniss doesn't eat as much as she has. We step away from the table for a second and she points out how tiring it all is, even Haymitch and Effie are civil with each other. I tell her that I really wish Haymitch would take a few drinks because I guess alcohol would make him more entertaining. Katniss laughs aloud. It's the first time I've ever seen her laugh like this and I'm mesmerized by her but it is short lived because she stops abruptly and stares at me. Then she tells me to not do that, make her laugh, act jovially. That we don't have to be friendly outside of the training center.

I shudder because I realize that I was right before, I am the competition to her, and you don't get far warming up with the competition. I realize that I need to keep my guard up at least for now. I agree and I walk back towards the table feeling dejected. The strategy conversation continues and I hear Effie say something stupid – she has told potential sponsors that we are like pearls because if you press coal hard enough you get pearls. That's not right at all and I'm a little annoyed by her cheesy comparison but I offer her a smile anyway. I roll my eyes when she looks away. I notice that Katniss is drinking and I can tell that it's quickly getting to her head because she is giggling and she's not the giggling type.

Just then the female avox approaches the table to serve us and Katniss speaks up, she tells her that she knows her. I feel nervous for some reason, Portia already told me that we are not to converse with Avoxes, just order them. I notice that Portia, Cinna, Effie, and Haymitch stiffen. Katniss then looks horrified, but only for a second. She tries to back track but she looks stuck. So I step in and explain that she looks exactly like Delly. I know it's a crock, Delly is blonde and this woman is freckled with bright carrot red hair. Katniss looks at me and she looks thankful. She quickly agrees and laughs it off. Everyone else finally relaxes and dinner continues.


	5. CH 4 The Plot Begins

After some time, Haymitch actually excuses us from the table, which weirds me out, can he do that? I'm not sure that I want to go to bed. Regardless Katniss and I obey and we get up to make our way towards our rooms. I want to know what was up with the Avox and after I covered for her, I feel like I deserve an explanation. When we get to our doors, which are across the hall from each other I ask her about it in a low whisper. I can tell that she wants to tell me but she's weary. I ask her if she has seen the rooftop and she says no. So I guide her up there. I lead her towards the garden with all the wind chimes. This makes me realize that Haymitch was having a conversation he didn't want anyone to hear.

I turn my attention towards Katniss again and I ask her. To my surprise, she tells me everything about the Avox and how she saw her picked up by a hovercraft in the woods of District 12. I'm stunned to hear it all. I can't imagine what that would be like, to know somebody's life is on the line and being incapable to help them. I feel overwhelmed by the thought. I turn my attention to her and I can see that she's lost in the memory of it as she stares into the distance. I also notice that she's shivering.

"You're shaking." I tell her and I quickly remove my jacket and wrap it around her shoulders. As I pull back, I catch her meekly staring at me.

"Thank you." She whispers.

I suddenly feel like I don't want to go back downstairs because there so much I don't know about her. "So… Gale Hawthorne…" I say abruptly and really wondering about them. He was there when this young woman was taken. She seems to perk up when I mention him and she asks if I know him. I tell her no, that I only know of him and I add that all the girls in school talk about him. Katniss smiles a bit and she rolls her eyes at the thought. I wonder what that could mean and it's amazing how jealous I am of a complete stranger. I can only hope that my smile covers that up.

"Are you two related?" I ask and I laugh to myself because I know that's not the case. She looks startled at me and she even looks disgusted at the thought. Yup – they're definitely an item. She adamantly tells me no. So I purposefully yet casually say that they look related and she has a scowl as she looks into the distance.

We finally make our way downstairs and I continue to chat with her. She seems engaged and she looks more relaxed as she wraps my jacked tighter around her. When we get to her door, I lean against her doorway and I notice that she seems nervous. I realize once again that this is tough for her, she doesn't want to carry on friendly conversations with someone that is her competition. Before she can say anything again, I bid her a good night. She smiles tightly and she removes my jacket and hands it back to me.

That night I manage to get some shuteye but it's not deep sleep. I continue to wake up startled panicked with fear with what is about to come. I get up and walk upstairs to get some fresh air after I throw up from the nerves. Once again I find Haymitch standing outside. For some reason I am happy to see him although I wonder if he'll feel the same way.

"Hey." I call out to him. He turns to look at me and he looks far away.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep… I'm so calm during the day, calculating even, but at night the fear I'm denying makes its presence known."

He laughs bitterly. "If you win, it's just the beginning." I look at him and I find his eyes on me, studying me. "So you are calculating…" He questions me.

"Not like that." Which makes me think of the game, he doesn't trust anyone, certainly no me. "Listen, I know I already told you but I really don't want to train with her. Do that for me please. I meant what I said earlier, you must know that she sees me as another person to beat. I won't fight her, I need to help her from a distance, and I don't want her to manipulate me – to make me her easy prey right away." I admit to him.

I see some strain in his face. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes – just help me when you can, help me have some staying power out there until a few threats are out of the way."

"If you're referring to the Careers, that's a tall order."

"I realize that but it's the best way of getting them out of the way." I say.

"How do I know you're not playing me kid?" He stares at me cautiously.

I feel frustrated but there is no point in getting angry with him so I can't help but let out a frustrated laugh. I walk towards him because I find the words to explain my actions. "Look – I said I don't want to play this game. I can't stand the thought of killing anyone. Even if it is self-defense. What did those kids ever do to me?" I whisper to him and his eyes soften and he seems to believe me. I walk towards him again. "Maybe this is really stupid to you but I do feel like I'm in love with that girl." I laugh at myself now and I pause to look at him. To my surprise he doesn't laugh so I continue. "It's unrequited and she doesn't know, but that doesn't change things. It makes me feel like I am here for a reason – to help her. It's who I am, I'm figuring that out now, this is the only chance I get to figure out what I'm made of. If I have to play this nasty game, at least I will live through it for as long as I can for a good valid purpose, to help someone else live. It's no longer just for the Capitol's vile punishment against us. There's dignity in my fight, there's honor, and I can live with that. More importantly so will all the people that love me back home. Can you understand that?" I ask him as I look into his eyes.

Haymitch looks deep into my eyes, at first suspiciously but then his expression softens. He takes a deep breath. "I do… it's just most unexpected." He takes out a flask and takes a swig from it. He looks out into the distance and looks back at me. He extends it out to me and I take it. "It may help you sleep tonight." He says with a light laugh. I take a big gulp but my raw esophagus burns because I threw up recently. I turn into a coughing and choking mess. I hear Haymitch laugh aloud. "You poor thing – you don't drink much do you?" He asks rhetorically and I can't answer because I'm still trying to catch my breath as I feel tears moistening my eyes due to the choking cough. "you're so pure Peeta Mellark, it's the only way to explain your plan." He says smiling.

I take another sip, this time slowly and it goes down a lot better. "I'm not as innocent as you think…" I begin to say as I take another sip, this time longer and it actually soothes my nerves.

"Innocent people always say that." He says looking at me.

We stare at each other and I hand back his flask. "Do we have a deal? You can tell her I want to train alone now."

"You know that cuts my time with you right?" He says.

I stare at him because I know what he's getting at. "You have to choose just one every year don't you?" I ask as I see this reality. He looks at me with an alarmed expression. "Sorry – I don't mean to make you uncomfortable I just never thought about it."

"Why would you?" He shoots right back.

"Exactly – anyway, I'm making it easy for you. I want you to choose her. Just help me stay in for as long as I can. She'll have a huge advantage a mentor and someone helping her out from the inside." He stares at me again, not fully convinced and I laugh at his obvious mistrust of people and stubbornness. "Look – you don't know her…"

He cuts me off. "Neither do you." He points out.

I can't argue with that because he's right, to a certain extent. "I realize that I don't know her personally but I feel like I do know her." I say enthusiastically because I truly do feel that. I laugh at myself again because to him I must be nothing more than a poor love struck imbecile. "I know for a fact that she's brave, she's tenacious, she's tough, she's smart, she can shoot a bow and arrow better than anyone in there – I'm certain of that – and - she's beautiful" I say feeling out of breath. "The Capitol is going to love her – people can't look past her. Some people just have a special quality to them…" I tell him hoping that he shares a trace of that sentiment, if not towards Katniss then towards someone he might have known at some time.

I stare hopefully into his eyes and they're wide looking right into mine.

Then he blinks and steps away. He starts pacing around and he looks amused and even excited. "Okay kid, I'll do what you want. You can proceed as you want this next day and in the arena, but you have to do one thing."

"You got it." I tell him.

"Tell them all how you feel. The audience, the Capitol, put it all out there." He says as he looks at me but it's as if he's looking past me.

I'm taken aback. "What?!"

He shushes me. "Trust me – this will help her. You must have noticed that she's as interesting as blank wall and clearly your feelings have clouded your perception because to anyone else she lacks any kind of likability."

"What? How can you say that? She's amazing…" I protest.

He laughs at me again which stops me from talking. "We're not all adolescent boys with raging hormones." He laughs again and continues. "But I believe you when you say she's capable of winning this thing. I can see that. You will help her by admitting to the whole world how you feel about your… sweetheart." He tells me as he lays his hands on my shoulders. "Now try to get some rest. I'll move this along and we'll work together."

I feel relieved, I believe him. So I bid him a good night and I get to bed. I manage to sleep some but I can't keep the fear from creeping into my dreams.

* * *

When I wake up I have an overwhelming need to be home, but not just anywhere, in Delly's bed. It was a safe haven for me. When I was very little my mother used to beat me really bad. I was terrified of her. On more than one occasion she ran into my room and beat me while I was in the middle of my sleep. When I could see that she would be in a bad mood or if I had made a mistake around the house that she would surely uncover I began to sneak out and find refuge in Delly's bed.

It all began when I was about six years old, I would sneak out scared and find refuge with my friend. She never questioned it, she would just hold my hand, smile sleepily, and we would fall asleep. Her parents were amused. On several occasions, I woke up to my father carrying me in his arms to take me home. As we got older, I realized that propriety had overcome her parents and my father. It makes sense, Delly and I were no longer children, we were growing up.

One morning she woke me up by playfully pouring water on me. We both laughed and started wrestling, one of our favorite past times, only her parents were not too amused when they burst through the door when they heard us screaming. We were 13 years old at that time, the two of us had reached puberty, and I guess with that we lost our innocence in their eyes. Her parents still consider me a son and I certainly consider Delly a sister, but to them the thin line between our lack of actual siblinghood and sex is apparently too thin for their comfort. So we began to camp outside in her back yard instead. Somehow, this was more acceptable, I guess the lacking bed was comforting to them- as if anyone needs a bed to do the deed. We built a little hut that they use to store things but we also have room to camp out at night during the summer. Of course, I have used it other times to escape my mother over the years. I would love to be with her right now to feel safe. The thought of her warmth and kindness helps sink into a deep slumber.

The next morning I am woken up by my prep team and Portia is with them. I tell her that I will be training apart from Katniss and she doesn't seem surprised.

* * *

The next couple of days I don't see Katniss during breakfast or lunch anymore, only at dinner. We spend time training on our own and I have time to size up the competition. I continue to show off at the hand to hand combat station and I don't hold back as I do weight training. I actually have fun doing this exercise because it's really not like I ever had access to weights in the District. I guess my strength developed purely from working in the bakery, moving the heavy bags of flour from side of the room to another and carrying around the heavy trays. I didn't know I was capable of lifting this much since I never really paid attention, hell I impress myself. The girl tribute from District 1 continues to approach me. She shamelessly flirts with me and her reasons are obvious. She must think I'm a real idiot. She then mentions that we should work on an alliance. I stare at her and wonder if it's truly this easy. I study her carefully and she laughs.

"you don't trust me." She says to me.

"not in the least bit." I say to her with the most charming smile I can muster.

"Why? I've been friendly." She tells me. "I don't bite." She says as she leans into me.

I back up. "Too friendly and only time will tell if you bite." She laughs. "Who else is in on this alliance?"

"1 and 2" She whispers to me.

I laugh. "Yeah right, Cato is not a big fan of mine." I look in his direction and no surprise, he's been staring at me. When he sees me he makes a gesture with his thumb and acts as if it were a knife and he slides it across his neck. I can't help but laugh at this and clearly this pisses him off even more.

I look at Glitter and play along with her a little. I brush the hair that is tapered to her sweaty cheek and I tuck it behind her ear. She looks a little startled and actually blushes a little. I smile at her. "Pretty girl." I say it, simply making an observation, and I mean it. She blushes even more and giggles. There is something very genuine about her reaction and I wonder about it.

"Let me talk to Cato – he'll see this is a good idea. Both you and your fellow District tribute caused quite a stir in the Capitol, my mentor says that the Capitol is nuts about you guys. It only makes sense that you join us, besides it's not like you're incompetent. I've seen what you've done in the hand to hand combat." She tells me.

I smile at her. "I can do a lot more with my hands…" I tell her seductively and she looks taken aback. Once again she blushes. I realize that there is no way this is an act. "I mean – because I can bake… I'm a baker." I tell her. I act shocked, as if she totally misunderstood me and to my surprise she believes me.

She then looks wide eyed and mortified and she turns into a laughing mess. "Stop it." She protests as she lightly smacks my arm and she takes off.

I realize then that this girl, this young pretty girl, has been raised in a career center. She has been raised to participate in a blood sport. She very likely never gets to interact with boys much. Which would explain her over the top flirting. It's not completely genuine but it's because she doesn't know how to act. Something tells me her stupid Mentor and prep team have instructed her to play the seductive temptress in hopes of getting Capitol interest. I feel sorry for her but I know instantly that I can't do anything about it. Besides, she may be my ticket in on the Career alliance.

At dinner I continue to talk to Portia as she strategizes with me. She keeps telling me that I'm a natural Casanova, I didn't know what that meant and I guess it's just some fancy word for flirtatious. She tells me that I'm quick, charming, and funny. She tells me that when it comes to the interview that I need to be sure that play this up because Cesar is an expert at catching everyone's strengths and our personalities together will soar. I can't imagine that, I've seen Cesar on tv for longer then I've cared to and I'm little offended if she thinks we may have anything in common. I tell her this and she laughs.

"Trust me Peeta." She tells me.

"I do." I tell her honestly. She stops laughing, holds my hand, and squeezes it.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Katniss as she eats ferociously and doesn't seem to pay attention to anything around her. I begin to miss the first days when we were talking a little bit more. Suddenly Haymitch calls out to me and I look at him.

"Are you ready for the talent show tomorrow?" He asks.

"Oh – yes…" I'm about to tell him that I am actually going to throw knifes since I realize that I never got around to telling him but he turns his attention away almost instantly then he dismisses me and Katniss again, without a single thought. I don't question it today, I actually feel tired and I don't struggle to sleep.

The day finally comes where we share our talents with the group of judges. I sit in line along with the other Tributes and we all seem caught up in our own world. I even forget that Katniss is next to me. I realize then that I did a great job at disconnecting myself from her. She sits calmer then everyone else and her eyes are down. I stop to think of my friends and my family. I think of Ray insisting that I can win this and I can only hope that they forgive me for not trying. I have no doubt that they will be able to tell. Then I think of knife throwing with them, our favorite past time. Our father started showing us from a very early age, he told us we would need to learn, in case… But after so many times of practice it naturally turned into a game among us. I smile as I stop to think of those times. It doesn't take long for me to feel Katniss's eyes on me.

"Hey." I say to her. She smiles and then I notice that it's only us. Before I can say anything else I am called in. So I stand up, look at her, and tell her to shoot straight and she smiles at me.

When I walk inside they look distracted and they're laughing at something. I stop and wait for them to say something or give me a cue to begin. A few of them look my way and I realize that they are sick of this already, how many of them are drunk, how many of them are interested? These Capitol people have a short attention spans. So I take off my shirt, I'm guessing this will get some attention and I'm right because surely a handful turn towards me and even nudge at others as they smile approvingly. Finally one man, speaks up and tells me that I can begin. His voice sounds overly loud and it made the rest of them jump. Now they are all looking. I smile and nod, head towards the knife station and I look around the training space. Plenty of thins I can throw at. At first, I pick up one knife at a time and swiftly throw them at my targets, hitting everything. They seem interested and entertained as they clap lightly. Then I grab a handful of knifes and I throw them in rapid movements hitting things that I'm no longer looking at but clearly remembering that they were there. I finally end it by throwing the last knife at a rope hanging from the ceiling, that seems to have been an earlier target through these sessions and it seems to now be hanging by a very breakable thread, which I break. The rope comes crashing down. They are all hollering now and whistling and clapping. They dismiss me and as I step out I see people bring in trays of food.

It's not until I'm in the elevator that I realize that my heart is racing and I actually feel a little weak in the knees. I hold on to the wall and take deep breaths. I realize that a part of me was completely aware that my life is on the line and those judges were about to make a call on it, my life. And it all depended on a performance. I hold on to my knees as they shake violently. I didn't feel these nerves throughout my presentation and I hope Katniss isn't hit with it.

When I walk through the elevator I begin to feel panicked because I worry that I did not impress anyone. I realize that it doesn't matter, I'm not going to win this thing but what if a good score makes me more useful. I feel a strange feeling in my back, at first I think it's a cramp but it's not right, it's something else. I feel fear hit me, I know fear too well. I think back to the times I used to hide somewhere in my house as my mother looked for me with a cable or leather strap in hand. I felt hunted. I shudder to think about this. I realize that I have broken into a sweat. I force myself to take a deep breath and walk towards Effie, Haymitch, Cinna, and Portia's voices. They stop talking when they see me and they smile nervously. I offer them a dazzling smile and they all seem to exhale with relief but when I look at Portia she's not smiling anymore. She walks towards me a offers me a warm caring hug. It's completely unexpected but oh so very welcome and needed.

"It's okay darling." She pulls away and lays her hand between my shoulders a neck. She massages this tense spot and now she looks more concerned. "Go take a nice long hot bath or shower. Try to relax. You have time before dinner." She tells me softly and smiles warmly. Her kindness means the world to me. I nod and I can't help the tears that start to creep up. She catches the first shedding tear with her thumb. She embraces me again and kisses my cheek. I pull away and head towards my room. By the time I get to my shower I'm trembling so hard. I squad to sit in the tub as the hot shower rains over my rigid body. I start to cry again because I miss my dad so much. He taught me to throw knifes when I was six. I quickly learned why, but I could have never imagined the reality of it, neither could he. I miss him so badly. I finally stand up, clean up and make my way to the room. I change my clothes and lay back on the bed to try to nap but I realize that it will never happen.

I make my way out and I find everyone again. I proceed to try to tune into the conversation happening around me and thankfully Haymitch's surliness makes me laugh. Just then the elevator opens and we all stop to look towards Katniss. She looks mad, panicked, and I don't know what else. She stares at us but before anyone can ask anything she runs towards her room. I feel tense all over again.

When she finally comes out she tells us what happened. She shot an arrow at the judges, well she shot at their food, as they feasted and doted over a roasted pig. I remember seeing it brought in. For some reason I'm amused. I'm scared but I can't help but find humor in this. Effie is livid and then Haymitch does it, he starts to laugh aloud. Finally, I start to crack up and Katniss look startled in my direction. I look at her and try to cover my mouth and this somehow makes her creep a smile. Haymitch insists that it may work in her favor, he has never heard of something like this happening, and he thinks it will impress the assholes in the box. I watch Katniss watch intently between all the opinions and when nobody else has anything else to say she looks at me and I offer her a smile. She smiles at me, a genuine smile and she proceeds to eat like a glutinous child.

After dinner we make our way to the viewing room where we will await our scores. I feel rigid waiting, knowing that we will be the last ones. My picture comes up and I hold my breath as Portia goes to hold my hand. I'm stunned when I see an 8. I sigh in relief. It's a good score, especially for district 12. Effie is pleased and affirms that she can work with that. I offer her an odd look because I don't know what she means, but I just nod and smile at her with gratitude.

Then it's Katniss's turn and I'm terrified all over again. What if they hated it her antics, what if they announce a punishment for her instead. But my thoughts are interrupted by her score, an 11! My jaw drops and I stare at her and she goes pale. The highest score in Hunger Game history. I feel the muscles relax instantly. After that I feel like I'm floating. I don't need to be dismissed. They are all celebrating and I stand up and walk out feeling happy and confident. She beat the careers, she will make it home. I know it.

* * *

I'm buzzing everywhere after my solid score and Katniss's score from yesterday. I feel confident and it gives me the courage for today. After my conversations with Haymitch I know that in this interview I will call more attention towards her. Could Haymitch be right, will the Capitol be dazzled by my feeling for her? I can't imagine these people valuing anything good and pure. But I have to trust him. I'm standing around the back of the stage as I look at the other Tributes. I look in the mirror and I do a double look because I didn't recognize myself. Portia put me in something called a classic tuxedo. It's super fancy and I can't believe it actually sits well on me. I definitely stand out from all the other guys here.

Then Katniss walk in with Cinna and she looks breathtaking in a red dress. My heart begins to drum and I feel myself blushing. I force myself to look away but she literally took my breath away. I would have never imagined that scrappy Katniss would wear a dress like that. We are ordered to sit in order and I feel her run past me as her shoulder grazes my arm. I feel static rush through me. I don't say anything, I've been respecting her wishes in keeping my distance. So to my surprise she suddenly turns around and she's only an inch away from me. My heart flutters because this is the closest I've ever been to her. My eyes meet hers and I swear my heart skips a beat when I see her beautiful smoky gray eyes. She looks a little taken aback and I quickly realize that I must have a stupid expression on my face and so I take a deep breath. I smile at her and raise my eyebrow to inquire what's on her mind.

For some reason it takes her some time to formulate words, she looks nervous. "Hum – I didn't get a chance to congratulate you on your score." She smiles.  
"well I'd forge too had I gotten an 11." And I sigh with relief for finally sounding like myself. She smiles a little.

"And also to say good luck tonight."

I stare at her and I so badly want to tell her, just her, what I feel for her but I can't. I don't have the words because I don't even know how to express what to call this. I've been telling Haymitch and Portia that I love her. I think of Ivy and I think I love her too. Is it the same? I have reason to love Ivy, I know her, she knows me, we've acted on those feelings. Meanwhile, Katniss and I have shared nothing but two loaves of bread and yet I have pined for her for most of my short life. How do I explain what doesn't make sense to me.

"were you going to say something?" She asks and I realize that I've been standing tensely staring at her with my mouth gaping open.

I laugh instantly and look at my feet nervously. "You too. Good luck."

She smiles at me and turns around. I can't help but take her in and I can't stop myself from admiring her figure. I'm very impressed. I begin to daydream about being back in 12 and for some damn reason we're in these clothes there and how I would not hold back and tell her everything. I can't help myself when I start to fantasize about the different circumstances in which I can remove her dress. I hear someone laugh and when I turn around I see Haymitch laughing at me. I realize how obvious I'm being with my ogling and I look anywhere else but in her direction.

It's finally her turn and she performs well. I sigh with relief because Haymitch had been freaking out about her attitude. He kept telling her that her personality was as interesting as the color beige. I'm startled by his attitude towards her, hasn't he seen the Capitol's response to her, even here they see how special she is. I'm taken aback when she starts to spin and it looks like her dress is on fire. At first I smile but then I get a terrible premonition. I'm stunned when she giggles with Ceasar.

I remember that Portia told me that Ceasar has the ability to put anyone at ease and bring out everyone's strengths. Giggling is not Katniss's strength. Finally Ceasar strikes a nerve, a real live burning one. He talks about Prim and the intensity that transforms in Katniss's face is undeniable. She means to get back home to her and I have no doubt that she will. Her time is up and then it's my turn. I look at Portia from a far and she smiles at me, she mouths to me to be charming to be myself. I just nod.

Portia was right, Ceasar has the ability to put everyone at ease. I feel like I'm visiting anyone of my friends. He manages to make this large audience feel like a small intimate group of acquaintances. It isn't hard to follow his cues and banter with him. He seems genuinely impressed and charmed by me and so he begins to joke around. His personality only urges my sense of humor and before long we are making the audience laugh hysterically, no one else had done that tonight.

Ceasar then asks if I have a girl back home and like a good wholesome son of the baker Peeta, I say no with the most bashful smile I can muster. Ceasar eyes me suspiciously and tells me how he is supposed to believe that a handsome young man like me doesn't have a special girl back home.

I find my cue and I close my eyes for a few seconds and inhale sharply. When I open my eyes I realize that everyone caught this reaction and now they are intrigued, they are eating out of my hand. I spot Haymitch in the audience and his eyes are shining he's so pleased with my performance and I feel exhilarated. My confident smile leaves me and it is replaced by a more modest half smile. I tell them that there is a girl from back home that I have pined after since I was five but she didn't know I was alive until Reaping day. The whole audience melancholically sighs in unison.

Ceasar jumps in and enthusiastically tells me that if I win that this girl will have to go out with me. He clearly couldn't be more pleased with me. I'm making his job so easy.

My smile leaves me even though I'm beaming on the inside and my heart begins to drum so hard. I tell him that winning would not help me because this girl, this special girl that I have wanted since the age of 5 came here with me. The whole audience gasps and I actually see Caesar's mouth is gaping open. I've shocked all of them, even Ceasar. Nothing like this has ever happened. I suddenly feel self-conscious because I've made it known to the world but it doesn't weight on me as much as the fact that the one person that matters finally knows. I look up at the screen and I see that the camera has cut off to her as she sits waiting. Her mouth is parted in awe of what I said and then it's as if she snaps out of it and her cheeks blush scarlet and she quickly looks down in hopes of keeping the camera off her, for some privacy I'm sure.

Cesar interrupts my thoughts and states the obvious, that I am in quite the predicament. I've clearly left them all with a lot to think about because my time is up and everyone claps but as I look at their faces they seem sobered by my confession. As if something is registering with them, I would hope it's remorse for what they are doing to us, but I know better. However, I have to say that I see sympathy for my particular predicament.

I walk towards my spot behind Katniss and she averts my eyes. I feel so awkward and mortified now. I don't have to know her to know that she values privacy and discretion the exact opposite of what I just did. I think of her and Gale and they certainly keep the whole town guessing. Obviously, she likes to keep it that way. When the show is over and we are dismissed Katniss bolts out and I stare after her. I sigh and I look around me only to find the other tributes studying me. Some look impressed, others suspicious, others angry. I realize that this can be seen as a strategy a very clever strategy.

I make my way towards the elevator and the other tributes are quiet. I realize that they are thinking of the Arena tomorrow. The idea of it suddenly feels palpable and I feel my chest tighten. I see the elevator drop off random tributes and I realize that I don't want to look at any of them because they will be my opponent. I have to take a deep breath as the word sinks in because I know I will have to fight back. I feel sick. As soon as I am the last one on the elevator I allow myself to bend over and take a deep breath. I even have to bend over to hold my knees because they are shaking with fear, literally. My whole body feels sick with nerves.

When I arrive to the 12th floor I step out and I am completely unprepared for Katniss who lunges at me and throws her whole body weight at me. I completely lose my balance and crash into a table and knock over a base that shatters upon contact with the floor. I try to balance myself on the table but since the table is also unbalanced and on the verge of falling over I end up falling on the floor and I feel sharp stabs on my palm. I look down and I see that I landed on the broken glass. Great. I look up and find Katniss's eyes on me and she's furious, worst; I realize that she wants kill me and considering the circumstances the thought scares me. But something else happens, I get angry. I start to feel it boiling to the top and it focuses me to listen to what she's telling me. She's accusing me of making her look like a stupid fool and somehow my interview is a direct attack against her, as if I were targeting her.

I didn't even hear Haymitch, Cinna, Portia, and Effie step out of the elevator. Before I know it Portia is at my side as I start to stand up and she quickly looks at my hand. Haymitch is furious and he actually has Katniss up against the wall as he yells at her. I register to hear him and it's amazing how he gets through to her. He explains that I just did her a huge favor since she's as likable as food poisoning with her sparkly personality. I'm starting to see what he's talking about. She insists that I made her look weak and he shuts her up by telling her that I just made her desirable. I'm grateful that he doesn't say that I was being genuinely honest. I feel more angry now and I pick out pieces of glass from my hand. I look up at her and I can't hold back the fury that I'm feeling. When her eyes meet mine I see instant remorse. I wonder what made her so furious and I have to consider everything including the fact that perhaps she worries about what Gale thinks. I hate that on top of all the emotions I'm feeling jealous too.

"She's just worried about what her boyfriend is going to think back home." I say aloud. I realize that I say it to bother her, the last thing that she wants to keep her personal business to herself.

"I don't have a boyfriend!" She yells back at me.

I look at her and for the first time I think of Ivy but I force her out of my mind. I have to let her go. I take a deep breath and shrug. "Whatever." I then feel Portia pull me away.

"I'll help clean that up. You may need that sealed. It won't get in the way I promise." She tells me.

For some reason I don't give a damn right now. All I can think about is tomorrow and the launching room. How the hell am I going to do this. I feel my stomach turn and I run away from Portia, into my room's bathroom and throw up in toilet. By the time I'm done I look and see Portia staring at me.

"Want to talk about it?"

I look towards her and I surprise myself when I feel hatred towards her, I hate every single person in the Capitol and every single person that is out to get me. What did I ever do to them.

Portia must see a look in my eye because she shrinks back a little. "We're disgusting aren't we…"

Hearing her say this snaps me out of it. "Portia – I'm sorry – I…"

"You're terrified. Rightfully so. Let me clean up your hand, I have a first aid kit."

I nod. I stand up and walk towards the sink where I splash my face and rinse my mouth. I then meet Portia in my room where she cleans up my hand. She doesn't say another word.

"Portia…" I say softly. She looks gently at me. "I don't think you're disgusting. I didn't know what to expect when I showed up but – for whatever it's worth– I think you're a decent person." I tell her sincerely.

"Peeta." She says sadly and I can see tears in her eyes.

"Portia – do you get attached like this to all your Tributes?"

"I don't know – this is my first year as a stylist." She tells me as she lovingly runs her fingers through my hair. I look up at her hand as she coils her finger through one of my curls. Our eyes meet and she laughs.

"I'm sorry." She pulls her hand away. "I'm sure your family, friends, I'm sure your mother must play with your curls all the time. I can picture you swatting people's hands away all the time." She laughs lightly.

I feel sad suddenly and she stops laughing because she sees it on my face. "Hum no – my mother doesn't do that." I say painfully as I point at her hand. "She doesn't like me much…" I can't help but feel pain biting at my heart.

Portia looks shocked. "I don't believe that…"

"Believe it." I tell her seriously. But I don't want to dwell on my mother. "But yes." I tell her cheerfully. "Other people do play with my curls." I smile. "Especially girls."

She smiles halfheartedly. "I'm sure." She looks at my face to make sure I'm okay but she must see that I don't want to talk about it. "I'm sorry Katniss behaved like she did… You're both so nervous, tense, and in a situation that no two children should be a part of…" She stops and takes a deep breath, for some reason she looks panicked. "I'm going to let you rest. I'll be with you tomorrow." She gives me a tight hug and kisses my forehead. She cradles my face in her hands and she stares at me for a moment. She smiles. "My beautiful boy…" She tells me thoughtfully and she walks out.

I change into my pajamas, order a dinner through the hologram machine but I can't sleep. After hours of trying I step outside and think to go to the roof top but it feels too cold. I head back inside and sit by a window. The entire floor is silent, I'm sure Haymitch is awake but I don't want to be around his bitterness. I can't stop thinking about my dad, my brothers, my friends. I try to think about every single aspect about them and soak in the thoughts of them. I'm startled when Katniss suddenly appears before me. For the first time I feel completely neutral towards her presence. My eyes meet hers and I can see the remorse in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry." She tells me.

I sigh. "Thank you for the apology." I tell her.

"I just… it's no excuse, I just didn't know how to react to that."

I don't think too much about her comment, I'm too tired. "I meant it as a compliment." I tell her.

"I know." She says meekly and she sits across from me. "Can't sleep?" She asks.

"No."

"Do you feel prepared, do you think the training made a difference."

I frown my eyebrows at the thought and I incredulously look at her. "Nothing can prepare anyone for this." She just looks thoughtfully at me with a frown on her face.

"Can you do it? Kill them?" She asks with a haunted look in her face. I observe her as she stares at the crowds on the street. I realize that she has been visualizing this. I shudder because I have not done that yet and I wonder if I will in there. I feel sick all over again and my stomach hurts. But I have to think about this and without much effort the answer comes to me because I know what's torturing me this moment.

"I mean, I'm sure I will. When the moment comes. Just like anybody." I say it bitterly and she looks at me. "But that's not what worries me. I don't want them to change me." I look at her in hopes that she understands what I'm saying. To my disappointment she looks puzzled. "I don't want them to turn me into someone I'm not. I don't have anything in this world except myself, they dragged me here to do this… I can't have them destroy the best parts of me." I tell her desperately, hoping that she understands.

Instead she looks at me as if I were crazy. "Peeta – who cares about that. You just need to focus on surviving."

My heart feels cold at her words and I close my eyes in pain. "You don't understand." I say as I look away, feeling disappointed somehow. I look at her again and she looks nervous, fidgety, and defensive. Suddenly I just want to be alone. She must be able to tell because she stands up and wishes me good luck. I bid her a good night. I realize that I am not interested in explaining my feelings, she doesn't care really, and it doesn't matter. I know what I'm doing and I find comfort in knowing that my death refusing to play the game is my last saving grace.


	6. CH 5 From the Outside Looking In

Madge wearily makes her way to Katniss's home. She has been every night since the Opening Ceremony. She feels for them and wants desperately to offer some kind of moral support to them. Besides, it offers an excuse for her to bring them food. She hopes somehow that Katniss knows in some part of her that her mother and especially Prim are being cared for in her absence. As she makes her way through town, she looks into the Mellark Bakery. She sees a soft glow coming from way behind the structure, it must be the fire ovens. She can't help it, it's besides herself she makes her way over to the window, hiding herself besides the frame. Her chest hurts at the thought of Peeta. She couldn't see him to offer her best wishes and say good bye. She then notices his father, in the back room, he has his back towards the window. While he faces the fire ovens, all she can make out is his silhouette as he leans against the working table, his shoulders shaking because he is visibly weeping. Madge can't hold back the tears. She clutches the package for Prim and Mrs. Everdeen tighter. The Reaping always feels personal, it is since the Reaping Children are the target but unlike other times, this Reaping hits too close to home. She pulls herself away from the window and leans against the wall. She takes a deep breath and finds the strength to make her way towards the Seam.

Once she's there she feels nervous. It's not because of Mrs. Everdeen or Prim, she is used to them and they are used to her. She has been to their home a handful of times, to drop of homework assignments after Katniss would miss the annual Coal Mine field trip. She's nervous about Gale. The day after the reaping, he showed up at her home to trade and sell his usual game and berries, as if nothing had happened. Not entirely anyways, it wasn't lost on her that he had dark circles under his eyes and that he was wearing his Reaping clothes. In fact he looked winded, it dawned on her that he may have spent the night out in the woods. She still feels cold at the thought of their interaction.

 _"Are you okay?" She asked him with so much concern and care._

 _"What do you think!" He barked at her. It made her jump. Worst she saw the look in his eye, he looked at her with resentment. She felt her heart crack a little because she knew that in that moment he wished that she had been reaped instead of Katniss. She swallowed the instant tears she felt burn her eyes._

 _She instantly reached out to the coins that are readily available for him and Katniss. Try as she might she can't hold back the tears that silently spilled from her eyes. She quickly hands him the coins and Gale, without taking his cold steel eyes from hers, pushes the package of game he collected into her chest and then he harshly presses a package of strawberries into her chest. His eye are a steely silver that usually make her weak in the knees but on that day, the contempt in them made her shake all over. He turned on his heel and without saying thank you, he walked away._

She has no doubt that he will be there with Katniss's family. She finally finds herself in front of her door and she knocks gently. She hears little footsteps approach the door and Prim opens the door gently. The child already has dark circles under her eyes. She hasn't slept. Madge quickly steps in and kneels down and gently caresses Prim's cheek.

"Prim… sweety." At her gentle words Prim's tears rush forward and Madge sets the package down and embraces this gentle girl. "It's okay Prim."

"Do you think she can win?" She asks her with so much innocence, her thoughts are clearly void of the horrors that Katniss will likely have to commit to win.

"Katniss can do it. You saw how spectacular the opening ceremonies were." She tells her honestly, with that she answer's Prim's question but also her own. Katniss is a survivor and she'll do whatever it takes. "I honestly believe that." She tells her.

"Madge you're here." Cora walks towards the door. Madge stands up and embraces this fragile woman. She knows that Katniss resents her but Madge respects that Cora, unlike her mother, was able to overcome the abyss of depression. Katniss will never understand just how difficult it is for women like their mothers. Madge shudders because once again she confirms what she already knows, that lack of empathy, is what will make Katniss do what she needs to survive.

She takes the package from Madge. "Madge you don't have to do this…" She begins but Madge interrupts her.

"No I don't, but I want to. Besides, it would be rude of me to spend every evening with you and not bring anything to the table. Please let me do this… For Katniss." She tells her gently. Unlike Katniss, Cora can accept a kindness without any question or suspicion.

"Thank you Madge. Please come in." She moves towards their kitchen area and Madge makes her way towards the sitting area around a dividing wall. There she sees his long legs stretched out as he stares at the static of the television. She keeps walking and now he's completely visible. His profile is absolutely beautiful. She just stares silently, normally she would expect an apology after their last interaction but she reminds herself that Gale will never be sorry.

He slowly turns his head to see her. He coolly looks her over, and unimpressed cocks an eyebrow towards her. She wonders if that is supposed to be a greeting or his sneer in objection to her presence there.

Prim runs behind her and grabs her hand pulling her into the room. She plops down next to Gale and then pulls her down to the couch to sit on her other side. She sees Mrs. Everdeen pull up a chair. Mrs. Everdeen pulls up a bowl full of rolls that smell delicious.

"What's that?" Gale asks surprised.

"Hum – Brian… Mr. Mellark was kind enough to bring me these." She says gently as she stares at the television screen.

Madge is surprised by his gesture.

Gale presses on. "Why.."

Madge discreetly spreads her arm behind Prim and pinches his arm hard. This instantly stops him on his tracks and he shoots her a deadly stare. Madge doesn't back down, she glares back at him and gently nods no to him. He stops short. Madge remembers hearing her mother tell her that her good friend Cora was madly in love with Brian Mellark and that they would have married had it not been for Katniss's father.

Madge makes it seem like she's interrupting him. "Why do they smell so good?"

"Cora looks at her and nervously smiles. "They are stuffed with beef, potatoes, and some seasoning."

"Oh wow – Peeta told me about these." She reaches out to grab one and she takes a bite.

Cora smiles. "Yes. Brian made too many and he didn't want them to go to waste."

Madge has noticed that she's been bringing them to the table every night since the Opening Ceremony. That means that either Mr. Mellark is bringing her new food every day or Cora and Prim are not eating. She can't believe it's the night of the interviews and the Arena is now only a day away. She wants to scream as she feels a wave of anxiety hit her at the thought. She thinks back to the Opening Ceremonies.

 _They sat around in the same places nervously talking while anxiously waiting or hoping to stop time so that this stupid Game could be halted. Their conversation was stopped because the screen went live and they Could hear the deafening screams in the Capitol's city square. The hosts began by reviewing the Reaping and presenting the contestants. As always 12 is the last and they point out that the District had an exciting Reaping and caused a stir. It would be, considering that 12 is so lowly that they don't even merit the underdog title._

 _They replay the dramatic scene again. Katniss volunteering as this small lovely child, Prim, cries for mercy. The presenters then dramatically showed all the tributes side by side and Madge's heart melts when she seed Peeta. He is the only one that visibly distraught. Not even the little twelve year old from 11 showed distress. Never mind that her fellow tribute is an impressive towering massive young man that is probably lining up sponsors the second the Capitol saw him. Madge shakes the thought away._

 _Then the chariots began to move. Madge looked at the first Tributes and rolled her eyes as Gale grunted in disgust when they saw the Careers, proudly beating their chest and genuinely smiling. Madge felt sick to her stomach when she saw these people so proudly parading around. Without a doubt, every other district has to put on their best acting skills and pretend._

 _One by one, each chariot pulled the poor Tributes and she was startled when she felt a rough hand tightly grasp her hand. She looked in Gale's direction and his eyes were wide staring at the television. She looked at the screen and before her she finally recognized Peeta and Katniss. She lost her breath – they looked as if they were on fire and the glowing light made them look spectacular. They embodied what the Capitol wants to see in their Tributes. Young, strong, beautiful, and dazzling. The crowd went wild for them. Madge could hear the people screaming their names and Katniss actually looks comfortable._

 _Madge noticed that Peeta was holding her hand as he waved and winked at the audience but always looked to her, as if taking care of her. Madge thought this was odd since she will be his competition but she realized that this is Peeta. By nature, he's caring and without a doubt he has extended some kind of moral support to Katniss. She shuddered to think of him, Peeta could never hurt anyone, if she's honest with herself that's why she couldn't face him in the Justice Building. For people like Peeta, the Arena is particularly brutal she knew that if she went all she would see is all the horrific ways in which he may be murdered._

 _"Peeta.." Gale whispered his name curiously. They all turn to look at him. He had a peculiar look in his face. Then he turned to look at the women in the room and he cleared his throat. "I hadn't thought of the male tribute I'm not sure that I had registered who it was. I've been thinking of Katniss this whole time." He sounded so sad._

 _Madge couldn't help it when she reached out and squeezed his hand, he turned to look at her and his eyes are gentle for a change. "I'm sorry Gale." She told him._

Madge sits around now anxiously looking at the Interviews playing before her but she can't focus. It's all so stupid. She does have to show admiration for all of them, they are fighting for their lives and she's always shocked to see how even the most reluctant player participates in this stupid game, all to continue the Capitol's domination. Madge can't stand it sometimes, the whole game is sick. She looks out the window to look past the dark silhouette of the woods, she knows the answer is out there. She notices the girl from 1, her stupid pride. She knows that it's real too. She's a Career she believes in this existence. Does she know that without a doubt, if she wins she'll just be sold to highest bidder in the Capitol. Madge feels nauseas at the thought.

She jumps when she feels Gale's rough hand on her tense fist. She looks down and she notices blood seeping through her clenched fist. She quickly relaxes her hand and she opens it. Unknowingly she dug her nails into her palm, actually breaking skin. She stares at her hand and she looks at Gale. Somehow he looks at her hand understanding. She's about to get up to wash her hand but before she can, Gale takes out a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently presses it against her palm.

"You don't have to do that." She tells him. "I'll ruin it." She tells him.

He shrugs. "Would you believe that the miners get new ones ever day coming out of the mines. This little thing is supposed to wipe off all of that dust… Stupid logic isn't it." He smiles softly at her, which stuns her. "Anyway, these are easy to come by around here. Keep it." He tells her. She just nods at him but his eyes catch hers and she can't quite pull away from the soft expression in them.

They both jump and look back at the screen when they hear the boisterous Cesar announce Katniss Everdeen.

Everyone in the room gasps. Katniss Everdeen looks nothing like what they've seen in the past. She's stunning. The dress she wears is spectacular, Madge doesn't think she has ever seen anything quite like it, not that she pays much attention to those things. She does surprisingly well. She's nervous and without really trying it charms the audience. Even the people in her small Seam house that have been worried sick about her feel charmed and smile at her efforts. Then she actually offers to twirl for the audience so that they can really see the dress. Both Madge and Gale snort out a laugh, who knew Katniss could act. They glance at each other and chuckle because they both know that Katniss is not the twirling type. She really is trying. Not a minute later everyone hears why she's trying, because she promised Prim that she would win. She's deadly serious and all of Panem and certainly not the people in the Capitol know that she will do just that. Madge feels certain of it, but it breaks her heart because it will cost her dearly.

Her interview is a big success she just shadowed everyone. Prim even relaxes and gushes over how beautiful her sister looked. Somehow, there is less tension and Madge notices that Mrs. Everdeen grabs three beef rolls and eats them earnestly. Madge sighs with relief. Prim grabs one and devours it followed by another. Madge decides that perhaps she should leave now but then Cesar boisterously announces the final Tribute of the night, Peeta Mellark.

Madge instantly slumps down and she feels a wave of guilt wash over her. She had forgotten all about him, is it because she's already counting him out. As a friend to him, she feels that she shouldn't do that. She cringes a little. Gale notices.

"He's your friend isn't he? I've seen you around him." He tells her.

She looks at him and that soft expression he shared with her earlier is gone. Without a doubt she knows that there is some sick satisfaction in his mind because he's a Merchant and should be there to suffer like the people of the Seam. For that second Madge hates Gale for it.

"He is." She tells him coolly.

Gale looks away from her glare. "I know his brother, he's in my grade. They're all stocky, strong… He wrestles doesn't he?"

Madge doesn't answer him because she realizes that Gale is sizing up Katniss's competition, including Peeta, and to Gale, Peeta is a Merchant that is very disposable.

So she decides to point out all the other attributes that matter to Capitol. "He is, he's very strong, very muscular. Every girl notices that about him. He's gorgeous too, I mean listen to the ladies…" She says as Cesar compliments his looks and the women in the audience go nuts. She looks at the television and sees young Capitol girls, their age no doubt, actually holding up posters of Peeta. Madge's mind boggles at how fast they've commoditized him. They're ready to consume him. She shudders. Gale looks her over as if studying her.

She continues. "He's smart, funny, witty, oozes personality and charm." On that note she can hear Cesar and Peeta banter as if they've known each other for years. The audience is laughing and enjoying them.

Madge leans into Gale and whispers to him so that Mrs. Everdeen and Prim don't hear her. "But he's kind and gentle – so no Gale. He won't win, he won't be competition to people like Katniss." She says with reproach and Gale glares at her but Madge finds the nerve to not back down and she glares right back.

She leans back and sits back to look at her friend Peeta. Cesar now asks him about his personal life. She thinks back to the agreement they have with their friends. He won't out any of them. He asks him if a he has a girlfriend and of course he would, the audience has an obvious crush on him. Peeta expertly delivers that schoolboy charm with a perfect bashful smile and says no. Cesar doesn't buy it because he's too good to be true. Peeta then says that there is one special girl back home. Madge's breathe catches and she knows that there is no way Peeta would out Ivy.

"What are you doing…" She mutters under her breath.

But then he says that this girl probably never noticed him until the Reaping. Madge relaxes a little and she realizes that he's lying, some angle no doubt. Not a bad idea to tug at the audience's heart yet again. Cesar sympathetically sighs and assures him that if he wins the girl will no doubt have to go out with him. Madge laughs a little.

Then he says that it won't help him and not even Cesar was expecting another response. He clearly needs to wrap up the interview. Peeta then says, that winning won't help at all because the girl came to the Games with him. Everyone gasps from the audience to the small Seam house in District 12.

Madge's eyes widen and her jaw drops and she makes a strange strangled sound, she realizes that like the audience she had been swept away by his predicament. She covers her gaping mouth and then she jumps because Mrs. Everdeen drops her plate on the floor. Then she hears Prim giggle and she turns to look at Madge with confusion.

"I don't know, Prim…" She answers her before she can ask anything because she truly doesn't know what the hell Peeta is doing or why he would do that. She turns to look at Gale and he's frown is unmistakable. He's glaring at the screen. She looks at the audience because they are still gasping and right at that moment Peeta's time is up and the suspense is probably palpable throughout all of Panem. Nothing like this has ever happened before. He has stolen the show, he actually outshined Katniss Everdeen, the girl on fire.

Nobody says anything. Madge stands up and helps Mrs. Everdeen pick up the plates form the ground and carries them to the kitchen. From the kitchen she can hear Gale's panicked voice.

"Why did he do that? Is he actually going to come after her so directly. It's sick, Mrs. Everdeen."

Madge rinses the plates as Prim joins her to help. She listens closely.

"Peeta wouldn't do that Gale."

"How do you know? How can you be so certain? You don't even know him… He's playing dirty and I don't even know why."

"I know Gale, it doesn't make sense to you…"

Gale sounds more panicked. "Of course it doesn't make sense to me! To anyone. What is his angle? What is he planning?"

"Gale calm down. He doesn't have an angle." Mrs. Everdeen tells him gently.

Gale makes a strange sound that says how indignant he finds her answer. "Mrs. Everdeen this is the Games, people play dirty. This is some kind of bullshit mind game. Did you see how uncomfortable Katniss looked. He completely unnerved her, she looked weak."

"Gale – he doesn't have an angle. He's telling the truth."

Madge's eyes widen, because how could Mrs. Everdeen know that. She sounds certain of it. She realizes that the water is running and neither her or Prim are cleaning anymore because they are both eavesdropping. She and Prim look at each other and quickly shut the water off to stop any pretense of giving them privacy. They lean by the door to peek in on them.

"How do you know that?" Gale stares at her in disbelief.

"His father told me." She tells him gently as she places her hand on her arm in attempt to soothe his temper.

Gale looks towards the remaining beef roll for a few seconds then he laughs nervously. "Mrs. Everdeen, don't do this. Whatever the hell they are planning they are clearly fucking with your head too. Whatever plan Peeta has, it's obvious to me now that Mr. Mellark is softening the blow, who knows this may be guilt talking." As he points to the rolls.

Madge is furious, she can't imagine how his mind manages to go to the absolute worst case scenarios.

Mrs. Everdeen takes a deep breath. "Gale – I know Mr. Mellark better than anyone, and I know exactly why he's bringing these rolls. It has everything to do with me not Katniss or his son." Gale looks taken aback by her serious tone, defensive tone. "I have no idea what Peeta is trying to do, but he is not trying to harm my Katniss."

"How can you be so sure…"

"Because he's like his father."

Gale looks like he's about to boil over. "Mrs Everdeen… I promised Katniss that I would look out for you and Prim if we ever found ourselves in this situation. I'm worried about you. I don't want anyone messing with your head, any of you." He says referring to all the Everdeen girls.

Mrs. Everdeen smiles and gives him a motherly embrace. "I know Gale." She pulls away and pats his cheek gently. "You're a good boy Gale – you're a man now actually – I know I'm fragile but I'm not going to let Katniss down this time. Trust in my ability to judge a character. You've lived a lot for your age – but I've lived more. By the time you experience something new in your life, I've experienced it more times and lived to talk about it. Don't forget that." She tells him with a warm smile.

Madge smiles proudly because she has never heard anyone so gently and politely tell another human being to fuck off.

"Now why don't you walk Madge home. It's late." She tells him as she walks away from him. Madge hurries out of the kitchen and bids Mrs. Everdeen and Prim a good night.

Madge really doesn't want to be around him in this mood, it seems more hostile than usual. They walk silently side by side. Without a doubt, he's jealous. She does wonder about what Mrs. Everdeen said.

"You're wondering too, aren't you?" Gale asks.

Madge looks at him. "Yeah." Her mind races and all she can think about is how intense she knows Ivy feels about Peeta and how Peeta without a doubt adores Ivy. "I don't know. If I hadn't heard what Mrs. Everdeen told you, I would think that Peeta is planning something but I honestly have no idea what it could be?"

"I thought you said he was harmless." He reproaches her and Madge scowls. "He has a girlfriend." He protests. "Everyone knows about him and Ivy."

"The Peeta I know would never hurt someone." Madge looks into the distance. "You don't know him, he's sweet, kind, gentle, he doesn't have a manipulative bone in his body…" She stops to look at him and he eyes her carefully. "We have a plan." She says softly and Gale curiously looks at her. "We said we would keep all the people that matter to us out of the spot light."

Gale laughs. "Well I guess that's one way to keep the spot light off his loved ones, just shine it on the other Tribute…" He then looks distressed, panicked, and finally furious. "Which means, he aims to win to make sure he gets back here to his loved ones."

Madge feels panicked because she realizes that Peeta has never had his life on the line and that who knows what desperation will make anyone do. "I just…"

"Oh come on Madge!" Gale steps in front of her causing her to crash into him. "She's nothing to him, she's just some… Seam trash that he can use as collateral damage to protect the people he loves."

"You don't know him." Madge protests.

"And you do?"

"Yes!" She says. "Even if he was, doesn't he have a right to fight for his life… You would do worse." She proceeds to walk around him and Gale unexpectedly grabs her elbow and turns her around. He is furious, she can see his steel eyes molten with fury.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You think that of me? You think I'm that vicious?!" His voice begins to rise and Madge tries to break free.

"I think you're bitter and hateful enough and you certainly hate us Merchants enough… yeah – you'd do worse to ensure your survival. You would make us collateral damage in a heartbeat to win. Just like Katniss."

Gale is shocked to hear this and Madge manages to break free. "I don't need you to walk me into Town, it is my turf after all." She tells him bitterly over her shoulder.

"You basically described a Career – those tributes show no humanity and sacrifice anyone to survive – you think that of me?" He calls out to her.

Madge stops on her tracks and she turns around. They are yards apart now and she's unprepared to see Gale look wounded and all her fight leaves her. "Look – it was a long night…okay. We're terrified, people we love are in danger… We just heard Peeta's…" For some reason Madge feels like she's out of breath. "I don't even know what the fuck to call that!?" She tells Gale. "And you stand there and question someone that I've known for so long. None of this makes sense." She stops and notices that Gale nods in agreement. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I don't think you're like the Careers."

"Good cause they're miserable people." He says calmly.

Madge takes a deep breath and nods in agreement.

"I wish someone would take them out of their delusional existence." Gale mutters.

She looks out into the horizon, the hills, and trees. She feels chills running through her because she knows that day will come and it will very likely happen in her lifetime. She, like her father knows that 13 is out there waiting for a sign, aching to come out.

"Good night Gale."

"Good night… and I'm sorry." He turns on his heel and walks away from her.

Madge nods and she unexpectedly begins to cry upon hearing his apology. He positively overwhelms her and it shakes something deep inside of her.

* * *

Brian can't sit still after that interview. He felt his heart thrumming in his heart when Peeta confessed his love for Katniss. He can't believe his son did that. He feels so proud of him and he feels stronger when he sees his son standing tall and confident. However, after he confessed this, he laughed but then turned cold. Because he knows that Peeta is going to fight to make sure Katniss survives. It's what his gut feeling tells him. He thinks of his son and he knows it's the truth. His son is too much like him and he knows that if had been in the same situation with Katniss's mother he would have done the same thing. He then hates himself, because he wishes his son were more like his mother. That he was calculating and functioned with self-preservation. Ray stormed out of the room after his interview because they all know Peeta, and he know he'll sacrifice himself. His wife stormed off and slammed her bedroom door behind her. Reece was pale and then he too stormed off, looking haunted.

Brian decides to go looking for his sons but he doesn't find them and he realizes that he can't be in his house, in fact he can't stand being in there when his son Peeta is so far away from it. He decides to head towards the District's meadow and he takes a bag of bread since he'll pass the Seam. He can drop off bread in front of houses as he passes through it. As he strolls through the Seam and discreetly leaves bags of bread, he finds himself in front of Cora's house. It's late now, well past midnight and he wonders how she dealing with all of this. He thinks back to what he told Katniss, that he would not let Prim starve. He looks at his bags of bread and thinks he should leave them more. He then sees Cora's silhouette through her window. He thinks it's appropriate to give it to her in person. She'll know it's him anyway.

He knocks on the door. A few seconds pass and the door cracks open as she peers through it suspiciously. When she sees him she looks surprised and she opens the door wide to let him in.

"Brian. What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep." He says sadly and he's surprised when his voice cracks.

Cora ushers him into her small kitchen and pulls out a chair and easily guides him to sit down. Only then does he realize that he's shaking. He places the bag of bread and other food on her table. "I brought you food – I'm sure you've been so preoccupied with …" But he can't say it.  
She just mutters a thank you and she sits across from him.

"Cora…" He says shakily and she looks sadly at him. "Our children…" And this time he can't hold back the tears nor can she. She extends her hands out to hold his. After a long moment of this she finally says something.  
"What is Peeta doing?" She asks curiously and when he looks at her face he realizes that she's afraid for her daughter.

"Cora – Peeta would never do anything to hurt her. I told you – he loves her."

She looks shocked again and her eyes fill with tears. "But then… he…" She doesn't know how to say it but he knows what she wants to say.

He starts crying again. "It's who he is… he's not going to fight, not for their cause. He'd rather die. He's going to die trying to save her…" At that moment he feels something shatter inside of him and he begins to mourn Peeta. He knows now.

Cora stands up and embraces him as they cry together.

"They took my boy from me Cora." He manages to say through his sobs. She kneels in front of him as she gently holds his hands in hers. "And he's so good Cora, if you knew him…"

"Of course he is, he's your boy." Cora tells him.

"He would never hurt anyone. And I can't do anything to protect him. If you knew him. I just want him in my arms again. I want to tug him in at night."He stops to take a deep breath. "He's unlike anyone. He's the sweetest so gentle like the primroses." He tells her softly and the sentiment melts Cora's heart. She squeezes his hands tighter. "But he's too young Cora. He hasn't even bloomed yet. This cruel world is wilting him too soon." He sobs again and sighs deeply. "this is a cruel world, I feel so hopeless. I can't survive this, there is no greater loss then this Cora."

"You must not loose hope. It's all we can do."

"Cora, Katniss is going to fight to get back here, she wants to. Peeta doesn't." He cries again.

"in the justice building you believed that we might… see something different." Cora pleads with him to see some hope. She can't stand the thought of seeing Brian suffer like this.

He wipes his tears and takes a deep breath. He musters a smile and his heart warms when he thinks of Peeta's spirit. "I have no doubt that our children will show us something we've never seen before. I don't know what it will be but I just have to believe that."


	7. CH 6 Inner Demons

Try as I might I begin to feel cold, detached, and unfeeling. I want to sleep, a rationale part of me takes over and it demands sleep. There are seconds where I do drift off but my body is on alert and I wake up panicked because I know my life is in danger. Unfortunately, this sensation is not new to me.

How many times did I live on flight or fight instincts, I've had to. I finally close my eyes and sleep consumes me.

In the land of sleep, I meet District 12. I'm walking through the Victor house where we hosted the last party during the nights of debauchery. Every time I turn into a room, I see all of the people of District 12. In fact, I'm certain that everyone is there. I am struggling to get through the rooms it's so crowded. I begin to feel claustrophobic and panicked and I try to open doors in search of a safe haven but every room is packed. In one room, I can see Ray fighting with some men from the Seam, they are keeping Mona away from him and he's fighting every single man that stands between him and Mona. I try to reach him to calm him and stop the altercation the crowd is too dense to break through. I see numerous men jump on him and attack him and now I want to reach him to help him but it's useless. More importantly, he manages to break through each time he's attacked.

Suddenly I feel arms wrap around my shoulders and I feel lips brush against my neck. I turn feeling startled and I find Ivy's green eyes and I'm instantly forget all about Ray, more importantly the house is now empty, so empty that I feel like Ivy and I are the only two living beings. She begins to pull me towards a room as she pulls off her clothes and I desperately touch her. It's so real, my hands can actually feel her smooth skin, her curves… She pushes me down onto a bed and I begin to feel her hands soothingly roam my tense body. I close my eyes…

I'm transported back to that filled house that is now more out of control. Before me I spot Reece, when he sees me his eyes fill with anguish and I know instantly that he feel ashamed for not volunteering for me. I then remember that I was reaped and I panic as I look away.

Once again I'm transported back to that bed with Ivy. I'm panting as the feeling of her encases me and the warmth washes over me from my center. I blink…

I'm transported back to the house and I am still trying to get out. I open a door and for a wonder it's not packed. Instead I see Silas having sex with two girls from the party. He turns to me smiling as he thrusts into one of the girls. "Come join us buddy…" I smile at the thought.

"In another time…" I take a step back and close the door.

I turn around and I can see me and Ivy. I'm taken aback by her beauty. I don't want to look away. Then I hear a scream that sounds like her. I turn behind me and the door opens, in there I see her being pinned down by Cray. She tries desperately to look away from him as he thrusts on top of her but he roughly grabs her face making her face him. I feel horror and I turn back the other way where she and I lovingly give each other everything. This is what I want to remember and feel forever. Her beautiful steady eyes, her long flowing red waves, her full sculpted lips. I close my eyes to burn the memory to

a place deep inside of me.

I'm transported back to the house that somehow gets more and more packed. I feel like I can barely breathe. I manage to break free and I run through room that leaves me in a very empty kitchen. Suddenly the hair on the back of my neck rises and I feel cold sweat running down my back. I listen closely and I can hear it, teeth shattering. I turn around the table and there I see him… me. A little boy cowering over as I covered my ears desperately and that's when I hear her, my mother. This isn't a dream it's a memory replaying in my mind as I sleep. She's looking for me, I remember the scene well, I felt hunted. I see her sneak up on that child, erasing any sense of belief in security or safety. I close my eyes.

Only this time I'm not transported out of this room. I can feel everything, the fear, the physical pain, and the shame that washed over me when I wet my pants because I genuinely feared for my life, I thought I would die. I open my eyes and she beat me to a pulp. I lost consciousness, but not long enough to shield me from her venomous words not long enough to keep me from feeling how she wiped the puddle of urine using my head as she shamed me for being a spineless coward.

Finally I can breathe as I feel the last tears shed. I turn away from the scene and I feel the hatred that I manage to bury every day. When I walk out the door I'm back in the Victor house and this time I effortlessly break through the crowd and I finally find my way out of this labyrinth. Outside I head towards the woods and at the edge I can see her, Katniss; holding her bow and arrow as she eyes me suspiciously. She nods at me, indicating me to follow her into the darkness of the vast woods.

I'm startled awake by the cold feeling running through my veins. I look around assuring myself that I'm awake. Without a doubt, I'm awake, I'm sleeping on the Training Center's bed, and the insect like buzzing sound coming from outside are the Capitol people, anxiously waiting for our blood to shed.

I stand up and walk towards the bathroom. I look in the mirror and I notice that I'm completely covered in sweat. I turn on the faucet and splash my face with cold water. I look in the mirror and I think of the last sensation I had in my dream. For starters, that wasn't a dream, it was a flashback of a nightmarish moment in my life. I seldom feel that hatred run though me.

I instantly know why it's coming though now - Survival. I think of Nathan and I can hear his voice echo in my ears. "Where did you go… It's as if you were gone."

We were fourteen then, back then Silas and I were not friends, quite the opposite, actually. I tend to avoid people I don't like so that I don't have to think about them. Silas however, made a point to get in my face as often as he could. His constant antagonizing had everything to do with the fact that he truly believed that I, a mild mannered and polite Peeta, would be a swiveling coward and I think I hated him for it.

For a long time I ignored his antagonizing comments or transparent attempts to start fights with me. One day, after a particularly long day of his harassment, I was waiting for Delly with Nathan after school. There I saw Silas, standing tall and boisterous as ever as he talked to some of our classmates. I felt on edge instantly and I was hoping desperately that he would ignore me. He walked towards me and knocked my books to the ground. I rolled my eyes and bend down to pick them up. I regretted it instantly because he pushed me to the floor. I heard struggling, I looked up, and I saw how his friends had grabbed Nathan so that he wouldn't interfere. I remembering muttering under my breath and quickly finding my feet. I told him to back off, and he just mimicked me back, knocking me back down.

At this point, Silas was already well over six feet tall and he loved to throw his weight around. I already had a stocky built and while I was short, I was just as strong as he was. As I rose to my feet, Silas was distracted by a Seam girl named Mila. Mila, like other Seam families was really struggling, like so many of the kids from the Seam she was wasting away. I remember thinking how much she was resembling Katniss back when she was eleven years old. Mila was also an extraordinary pretty girl and Peeta also looked in her direction as she strolled past them. However, it wasn't to admire her, she caught his attention because of her undeniable miserable condition. He remembers the limp in her step, how dazed, thirsty, and starved she looked.

At this point Silas laughed at some comment his friends had made and that was when I heard him.

"Hey Mila!"

Mila looked around quickly, disoriented, so much so that she actually looked like she would faint. She finally found his eyes.

"How about some food… huh… All you have to do is suck my dick over at the slag heap and then let me fuck you. I promise all you have to do is lay there… it would save you from giving yourself over to Cray." His friends began laughing.

The disgust that ran through me was astounding. I couldn't stand to see someone like her humiliated. Without warning, I swung and hit him right in the face. Silas easily lost his balance and fell to the ground. To this day, I don't remember much from that moment. I just remember hearing Nathan screaming hysterically as he was using all of his strength to try to pull me off Silas. I looked down and I saw my hands clamp like vices around his neck as I stared down onto his tortured face. The slight memory is now like a snapshot in my mind, I can see his eyes red, bulging, the veins around his eyes bulging as if they would pop. His skin bright red as his brown eyes were starting to roll to the back of his head. I remember letting go but most importantly I remember feeling pure hatred, without panic or remorse.

I pushed myself off him and Nathan ran to check Silas as he took shallow breaths. Then Ray and Reece ran towards me along with other teachers and Silas's friends running behind them. I remember hearing Silas's friends screaming and accusing me of trying to kill him. I was in shock. To this day, I don't know if I was actually trying to kill him. I remember how desperately the teacher calmed down the students as the peacekeepers were approaching. I remember one of the teachers telling the peacekeepers that Silas had an asthma attack due to the coal dust in the air. I remember sitting on the steps feeling in awe of what had just happened, not truly believing it. I remember the teachers telling Ray and Reece to get me home; Reece was worried and Ray was congratulating me for knocking down someone twice my size. I said nothing to them, I was speechless.

The next day my father accompanied me to school where he met with the principal, Silas and his parents. My eyes went straight to his face where I could see burst capillaries in his eyes and around his eyes. His cheek was black and blue, his lip fat from an open wound, and his neck… had visible prints from my fingers. I cringed and felt fear creep up my back.

My father stood in front of him and looked him over carefully. He shared words with Silas's parents but I didn't hear, I couldn't take my attention away from the marks on his neck. My dad finally turned to look at me. To my surprise he looked concerned not angry or disappointed in me. He sat down and pulled me down next to the chair beside him.

The principal finally walked in and began by telling Silas's parents that I was a stellar student, that this is my first offense, and while it's serious the school didn't want to punish me, even though my assault merited a suspension. The problem is that when a student is suspended they are reported to the peacekeepers and the Capitol actually fines the family for misbehavior, and worst begins to build a record of the individual. Fights are usually overlooked by town people. I had been in fights before but this was something else, I knew it and I know everyone else did. What I did was brutal.

Silas's mother protested, rightfully so. She points out that Silas could have been killed. I shudder at the thought. The principal then went to explain again that I was a stellar student and he very politely told her that Silas was not. Further, he pointed out to her that Silas had escalated the situation, that all the teachers had met to talk about the incident and they pointed out that Silas incessantly bullied me.

"He bullies everyone…" I interrupted them and they all looked at me. I looked at the principal. "But they don't all attack him the way I did."

"Peeta." My father scolded me with just one word. Silently telling me to shut up since I was clearly going to be excused. And even through he completely sympathized with Silas's mother he was on my side and was looking out for my best interests.

Silas's mother was outraged by the fact that the boy that had brutally attacked her son was about to get away with it. My father defended me and that was when this woman began to yell that I was monster just like my mother. That I clearly pick up my habits with that witch of a woman. My jaw dropped, nobody had ever acknowledged it, I even began to believe that my bruises were invisible to the world. I turned to look at her in shock but I was also embarrassed. This was when I finally saw Silas react. He looked at me and actually looked sorry.

"Mom! I provoked him!" He screamed as he stood up. His voice was hoarse.

"Silas – you don't have to be scared sweetheart." His mother grabbed on to his face. I saw how she took in his bruises and how pained she looked by it. I looked away feeling ashamed of my actions again.

"I'm not scared mom. I did, I provoked him. I don't know why. I've been trying to pick a fight with him for so long… I attacked him. I put my hands on him. I knocked him to the ground." He tells her calmly.

She stares at him in awe. "Silas… you already told me this but it doesn't give him the right to attack you the way he did. You could have died, he was choking you…" She turns to glare at the principal. "Do you hear me? He was choking him to death! He's dangerous!" She turns to look at Silas again. "Whatever you did to him didn't merit being killed."

"He didn't hit me because of that."

I turned to him feeling surprised.

"He hit me because…" He pulls away from his mother and for the first time ever I saw remorse and shame in his face. "You know Mila?" He addressed the principal and he nods yes. "Mom, Mila is a seam girl. She's very pretty… she's also starving, literally she's dying before our eyes." He waits a minute for his mother to listen to him. She nods showing him that she understood. "After I attacked Peeta and he tried to avoid the fight, I called to Mila as she passed by. I yelled out to her in front of everyone and told her that I would feed her for sucking my dick and then letting me fuck her. That I was a better option to Cray."

I think back to that moment and I'm still disgusted by his words but I'm shocked that he knew that was my reason for my brutal attack. I was stunned. Everyone was silent, everyone in that room feels the cruelty of his words. I was stunned when his mother slapped him across the face. Her husband rushes to her side and held her back.

Silas's head now hung in shame. "Exactly mom… he was just as disgusted…only maybe more?" The tone of voice is apologetic, truly remorseful, but unexpectedly good-humored.

Our parents and the principal excused us form the room and Silas walked out of the room awkwardly. He grabbed his hair and looked at me. He offered me a charming smile, something I thought he was incapable of, and stretched out his hand. "I'm sorry." He apologized.

I was dumbfounded. I stretched my hand out and shook it.

"For everything…" He said seriously. Just then, Nathan came up from behind and Silas walked away.

"Did that just happen?" Nathan inquired. I just nodded. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and I looked at him. "Peeta – yesterday… where did you go? It's like you weren't there. Your eyes were empty. I couldn't reach you"

I remember feeling a shudder run though my body because I remember the feeling of holding Silas's life in my hands. It was pure hatred it's the feeling that runs through me every time my mother beat me, my heart actually grows cold, and I seize to exist.

I realize then why this is all coming to mind, because I will need it to survive. I absolutely hate the idea of having to rely on anything that comes from my mother but it's too late, that hatred is starting to seep through me as I brace myself against the dangers of the Arena. I'm pacing around the room like a mad man and I feel so much anger that I begin to punch the wall over and over again until I put a hole through the wall. The stinging feeling in my hand brings about all my other senses, I revel in the feeling of vulnerability, and it saves me. I sink back into my bed cradling my fist in my hand and I fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up and I see Portia whispering to Haymitch then a sudden sting on my knuckles causes me to flinch and wake up.

Both Haymitch and Portia look startled and they look at me nervously.

"Hey…" I say groggily. I rub the sleepy residue off my eyes as I observe them. They look tense. I look down at the hand that Portia is holding and I see that it's bruised but the blood has been cleaned up. I remember last night and I feel cold again. Then I realize that Portia and Haymitch are here because I am about to enter the Arena.

I instantly feel the acid rising up my esophagus and I spring out of bed and make it to the bathroom on time. After I finish wrenching what little was left in my stomach I stare at my hand, close my eyes, and try to think back to that cold unfeeling hateful sensation that is in me somewhere. No matter how hard I try I can't force it.

I stand up, rinse my mouth, and splash cold water on my face. My stomach begins to literally shake again but I doubt I'll throw up anymore. I look at my hands and they are trembling. Every time I blink I see scenes from the Hunger Games I've been forced to see over the years. "How am I going to do this…" I whisper to myself. I feel panicked, scared, I want to cry, then I find my mind racing searching for I'm not sure why. I close my eyes and I see Katniss sitting cold, hungry under my tree without any hope. Not even the weather could give her a break. Finally I find some light in my jumbled mind.

"I can do this…"

"You have to get going Peeta."

I jump as I turn to see Haymitch leaning against the door frame of the bathroom observing me. I just nod at him.

"How's your hand feel?" He asks casually.

I look down at it and it feels just fine, it's just bruised. "Good, actually. Thanks for asking…"

He laughs. "I'm not really asking about your well-being boy. I want to make sure your hands work. You're going to need them."

I jump a little at his statement. "Right. Honestly it feels fine. I'm surprised it feels normal, actually."

"I bet. I saw the hole you put in that wall." He motions towards the room. "You're real strong. These walls are not the paper that binds what we call homes back in 12."

I just nod. "I'm sorry about the hole, I had a bad night."

He shakes his head. "Don't worry about it kid. They've seen worse around here." He mumbles this under his breath as he walks away. I finally step out and see that he leaves me with Portia. He stops at the door. "Hey kid – stay alive… for as long as you can." He tells me and for a wonder for the first time in my life I see sadness in his eyes as he looks me over. I feel choked up suddenly and I just nod at him.

"Thank you… for… whatever it is that you need to do. Take care Haymitch."

He just stares at me looking a little dumbfounded. He shakes his head and walks out.

I look at Portia and I see that she's holding out slippers for me. "There's really not need to change into anything. Your clothes for the Arena will be ant the launch center. You are welcome to shower if it will help…." She stops talking and sucks in her breath. She realizes what she's saying. Nothing can possibly help me.

I smile at her and I feel genuinely thankful that she is capable of empathy. "I think I'm good Portia. If we can, I'm ready to leave." She nods and we make our way out.

As I step out I look at the door across the way. Katniss. I oddly feel courage run through me but it's short lived because I begin to feel something else. With every step I take I begin to feel my eminent death brought on by murder and that cold feeling comes back. That bitter hateful feeling that begins to make my nerves and nausea evaporate. I look at my hands and they are no longer shaking. I'm amazed to feel so angry, furious and bitter.

I arrive to a shuttle where there are eleven Tributes waiting, I realize that I'm the twelfth and we are ready to leave. I feel Porta lean and whisper in to my ear that she will meet me in the launch room. I just nod.

I make my way inside the car and I'm surprised that the Tributes around me don't seem familiar to me anymore. I close my eyes and shake my head. I open them and I see Rue, from District 11 sit across from me. My heart breaks, because her I recognize. Her glowing dark mocha skin, her lovely full mouth, and an adorable round nose in the center of her round face. I close my eyes immediately and wish that I didn't recognize her. I open them again and she is staring right at me. Her eyes look scared and gentle. My mind races and I immediately come to a conclusion that I hope doesn't have to happen. If for some reason Katniss dies and I'm still breathing, I make sure this child wins. I feel tears piece my eyes and I have to pull my eyes off of her soft round brown eyes. I desperately look for that cold hateful feeling inside of me again. But now all I can see are her eyes, they look so wondrous hoping to see beauty non doubt, so much more then she what she has ever had. As if I needed another set of eyes to hunt me, the silvery orbs are more than enough.

I take a deep breath and that's when I see her. Glimmer sits on the opposite end as me. She waves at me as she winks. I nod and smile easily at her and I wink at her. This is it, she's my way in. I look ahead and I see Rue only now her expression has changed completely. She looks at me as if trying to figure me out. I realize instantly that she's wondering why the hell an outer district would get tangled up with a Career. I stare back at her realizing that she's no more innocent then me and she must realize that I have to do what I must.

I look away and close my eyes. I don't even open them when some voice asks me for my arm to insert some tracker. I lazily extend my arm and I feel a sharp stinging feeling injected into my arm. I furrow my brow in response and focus on that pain. First assault of this journey. One down, many more to go. When I feel my arm free again, I clench and unclench my hand to instinctly check if my arm still works.

* * *

We arrive soon after and we unload the shuttle. We are each escorted out by armed peacekeepers. I can't help but smile and I wonder of all the possibilities that made this a necessity. Have tributes fought back? I immediately know that without a doubt the first Hunger Games must have had resistance all around, I can't imagine one, going in voluntarily. I think back and realize it must be true because they sure as hell never show those Games, they never show the first ten years. I have no recollection. Then I feel sad because I think the oldest Games I've ever seen is the 13th Hunger Games. Is that how long it took to completely break us and have us willingly walk this path. I look at the guards as we walk and I realize that I know I could fight them but for what? I shake the idea away, the possibility doesn't apply to me because I'm going in to help Katniss to make sure she wins.

When I walk into the launch room Portia is there holding up clothes as she observes them. She looks at me and smiles. I walk towards her unwilling to smile back. I grab the clothes and strip. I toss my pajamas on the floor and I pull on my pants, shirt, and put on the jacket. I observe the items and wonder what it could mean for me out there. I don't think it matters. I look up and Portia hands me a pair of shoes. My mind feels like buzzing electricity and the cold hateful feeling returns. I grab the shoes and put them on.

"It'll be soon now." She points towards the launch area. "You step on that and it will elevate you up into the arena." She tells me meekly.

I nod and walk towards it and I feel her grab my arm to turn me. I face her and she throws her arms around me. I feel cold at her touch and I can't allow myself to feel vulnerable again. I need to hold on to this bitter feeling.

"Please try Peeta… Don't let them change you." She whispers in my ear and I feel tears rim my eyes. I'm in awe that she unknowingly understands me.

"I won't." and I'm shocked when I hear my voice crack, it hasn't done that in years.

I can hear the smile in her voice. "Good, because then, no matter what, you win."

I step back away from her and look at her thoughtfully and I smile. I feel defiant. She's right. I nod and feel a little lighter. I turn back towards the launch and stand on it. We stare at each other and suddenly it closes. I take a deep breath and I begin to hear a timer. I know that means there's only one minute left. I wipe the last remaining tears and I nod at Portia.

Finally I feel the ground shake and I begin to elevate. I look up and there's darkness quickly followed by a beam of light. I squint and quickly make out a blue gorgeous sky above. How cruel they are.

* * *

Haymitch

Haymitch stands around slowly nursing his flask as he waits in the observation room. He looks around the room and nods at his fellow Victors. Shortly thereafter he begins to see some Capitol citizens stroll in as part of the pre-party venue. They get to interact with past Victors and it's really an opportunity for the Mentoring Victors to ensure sponsors for the Tributes. He looks around the room and spots Effie gathering numerous sponsors, more then he has ever seen. At this moment he's thankful for Effie. She practically does his job for him, he just shows up to sign off on the sponsorship when necessary.

He stares up at the screens and sees each District area with images for respective Tributes. It's not just for the party, it helps the Mentors keep track of who is still out there and where they belong. Haymitch thankfully never has to pay too much attention. At least he forgot the last time he was still trying.

He takes a quick sip of the whiskey. He realizes that there is something brewing in his chest and he can't shake it. Without a doubt he has two special Tributes this time. Something he never saw coming. He thinks of Katniss and knows instantly that she can very likely be the winner. She's too much like him. He takes a drink again at the thought of Peeta. The thought of him hurts because a part of him wants him to win this but he feels pride at the thought of his sacrifice.

"Come on Haymitch – get it together." He mutters under his breath. If he has a pair of winners he has to try this time. He looks around and musters all the charm he can think of and he starts to head in Effie's direction.

He's instantly stopped by a round jolly man, Plutarch Havensbee, and Haymitch's stomach sinks a little.

"Haymitch." The man greets him.

"Havensbee." Haymitch returns the greeting as he looks around.

He begins to laugh. "Those are quite the Tributes you brought with you."

Haymitch smiles at him. "Well I can't take credit for them."

"Is that so…" Plutarch eyes him suspiciously. "You're telling me this isn't your doing. You're telling me the boy is really in love."

Haymitch feels tense and unexpectedly overprotective of Peeta. But he realizes that Peeta was willing to put it all out on the line. Even if he hadn't said anything in the interview. He thinks of how he would explain the boy's sacrifice back home or even here. He would have told them that he did it for love, he knows that he will have to explain just that. As crazy as it seems, it's the only thing that makes sense.

"He is. Who would have thunk it, in this world no less…"

Plutarch's smiles leaves him and he studies Haymitch. He comes closer and he raises his pen and clicks it. Haymitch knows what that means. He's going to scatter the sound signals so that the listening devices don't hear him. "Peeked Coin's interest."

Haymitch almost jumps and he quickly looks for his eyes to make sure he heard him right. Plutarch steps back and laughs again. "I have a mind to place my bets behind the boy, but alas I'm not a romantic. Although, sure makes for good tv." He laughs boisterously and walks away.

He thinks about Hevensbee last words. "Me too… also - people like him don't stand a chance against people like me or the girl." He mutters to himself. He takes a large swig from his flask and sticks it in his coat pocket. He approaches Effie and the crowd of pigs hanging around her. He comfortably slips his arm around Effie's waist and smiles at the crowd before him that is busy admiring the holograms of Katniss and Peeta. They observe their bodies, their faces, they talk about them as if they were at a meat market. He forces a wry smile on his face.  
"So, what do you think?!" He asks rhetorically and they all laugh and begin signing on.

* * *

Peeta

I finally emerge completely and I look around at the circle I'm a part of. "Holy shit this is really happening." I mutter to myself as I look around at my fellow tributes. I look for Katniss and finally spot her. I take in her features and I look at her face. It looks determined, angry, and I realize that she's staring at the cornucopia in the center.

"Fuck- Katniss don't" I mutter under my breath. I can already see it. I look in there and sure enough there's a bow and arrow.

"Shit." I think back to Haymitch's words, he ordered us to run away as soon as we can and by no means head towards the cornucopia. I swear I can read her mind and she's calculating every step to get in there for that bow.

I notice when she begins to survey the area and her eyes lands land on mine. I shake my head hoping that I can change her mind. Something changes in her face and I can tell that I broke her concentration. I look ahead and see the timer, ten seconds to go. My thoughts start racing with it. Ten, mom, eight, Ray, six, Reece, four, friends, two, Ivy, One, Forgive me dad. He hears Ceasar's voice echo throughout this open space.

"Let the Hunger Games begin!"

I run, run as fast as I can into the blood bath.


	8. CH 7 The Arena

For a moment it's as if I don't hear what is going on around me. I just see images of madness ahead of me. I realize that I don't want to rush into the Cornucopia, like my wrestling matches I have to slow down and look at my opponent to see what they do. I immediately realize that these are nervous and terrified people they are not thinking and for a wonder my mind is sharp and clear. Ahead of me I can see desperate tributes that clearly don't want to go down without a fight so they ran into the blood bath in hopes of finding weapons and any advantage they can find.

Just then I'm side swiped and I feel the weight of a tribute trying to tackle me. I thankfully don't recognize him and I manage to push him off me and then I remember that he's actually fighting me to kill me, why else would he charge me so brazenly. I stare into his eyes and he's afraid, I give him time to run away but he seems determined. My mind wonders who he is, which district, but then I shake the thoughts away. I don't want to know.

"Just go." I whisper under my breath. I can't have the cameras hear that. But it's useless he actually punches me and of course it hurts but I've had so much worse. I look at him and I'm surprisingly furious. I punch him right back and he falls to the floor. I step over him and make my way towards the Cornucopia as I notice that about half of the tributes are battling it already, only by now they are all paired off, focusing on one fight. Then I feel the tribute again. He's around my foot and he actually pulls it under me causing me to fall and he tries to pull some of the moves he learned in the hand to hand combat station. I easily overpower him but he manages to land hard punches throughout my body. I'm increasingly getting angry. I manage to break free of him and throw him a few feet away from me.

Out of nowhere I see a body launch at him driving a knife right into his chest. I quickly find my feet and rise ready for the next attack but it doesn't come. I try not to look at the limp body that is struggling to breathe. I quickly recognize the blonde hair on his assailant, Glimmer from 2. She looks up at me and offers me a sweet smile.

I take in the whole scene at my feet and I can't consolidate the images, the boy physically hurting, he looks tortured, and Glimmer's happy face, still grasping the knife with both hands as she looks up at me. She stands up pressing her weight into the boy as he lets out a tortured groan. I can now see blood spilling from his mouth.

"I hope this proves my intentions are honest. I want you in our alliance." She walks over to me casually as if nothing out of the ordinary were happening around us. She extends her hand out for me to shake it. The boy on the floor lets out one last groan as a large flow of blood violently expels from his mouth and his body goes limp. I shake her hand, unable to take my eyes off the boy. She pulls back and turns her back to me. "Come on loverboy…" She calls over her shoulder. I shudder at her remark. I look around to make sure no else is coming at me and I follow.

I lean down before walking away from the boy and regretfully pull the knife out of his chest. I'm going to need it. By the time I look up, Glimmer is already ahead of me running towards the Cornucopia, I realize that she had already made it in since she had a weapon. Then I realize that she's unarmed. Just then another tribute tackles her to the floor. This one has a stick in his hand and he manages to strike her head.

"Glimmer…" I quickly realize that this girl just saved me and she lost her weapon doing it. The boy is about to strike her head again when I don't even think, I look at the knife, it's large. I look up take aim and I throw it as I begin to run forward in full speed. I see it hit my mark. It buries itself right into his head making him fall over - lifeless. I stop running for a second because cold chills run through my body at the sight of this boy. I just killed someone. I distinctly heard a canyon.

Glimmer sits up slowly holding her head and looks at me with a satisfied smile. I pick up my pace again as I swallow the nerves that are threatening to spill over. I offer her my hand and help pull her to her feet. I realize that I don't want to lose the knife. I stop and grab the knife again, I almost lose it as I hear what can only be his cranium breaking as I pull the knife out. Worst, I see blood spill followed by a grayish slimy tissue spilling from the hole in his head. I close my eyes because that can only be his brain. Without a doubt this is the gory scene the Capitol begs for. I refuse to allow myself to think of back home and imagine what they all think of me.

I now feel cold and furious, I'm holding back tears but they are tears of anger. How could I do this. I look around me again and now the scene is worse than before. More tributes have weapons and are determined to kill each other off. I grip my knife and feel furious at all of them, but then I'm just as bad. I catch glimpse of the woods and realize that I did see Katniss run away. She's out there. The thought of her instantly gives me purpose. Come what may, I am not doing this for me. She has to go home and that end justifies the means.

Just then, another tribute begins to make his way towards me and this time I'm furious at everything but especially the Capitol. We begin to fight, I receive blows but I know that I strike back that much harder. These boys are not as strong as me. They are no competition and it breaks my heart. I realize that he has an axe, he goes for it, and I instantly try to stop him. I easily overpower him and tear the axe out of his grasp. I'm shocked when I feel a cut on my thigh. I didn't realize that he had a knife too. Blinding rage runs through me and I instinctually swing the axe into his thigh.

He screams and he pushes off me and manages to run away from me but I can't let him go. One more down means one less in competition for Katniss to defeat. I grab my knife and throw it, aiming right at the base of his neck, once again hitting my mark. He falls to the ground and I stand up quickly to once again retrieve my weapon.

I begin to make my way to the Cornucopia again, and I cannot help the fleeting thought, how much did I lose with every step towards the damned horn? I shake the thought away because I cannot waste my time with that right now. I think back to last night and I hear Katniss's words in my mind. ' _You need to focus on surviving_ ' Am I delusional in thinking that I can save myself in the middle of this madness.

I quickly look around and only Glimmer and I are by the horn, the tributes that risked the fight are slowly pulling themselves into the forest or still battling it, killing each other. I see blood splatter, gore – I would have thought that watching it on tv for all these years would desensitize me to it but it's not the same not mention actually killing someone. "I can't go there. Peeta focus." I mutter to myself.

"You're good with the knifes." Glimmer points out to me as she catches her breath.

I look at her wearily. I smile at her as I swallow the mix of emotions running through me. "Surprise." I tell her. I walk towards her gripping my knife. I still can't trust her, I realize that I never will especially when I may have to kill her. She eyes me carelessly, at least I think she is. I reach out and gently touch her forehead where there is blood freely flowing down to the side of her head.

"You all right?" I ask her sweetly.

Her smile disappears and she eyes my hand as I caress the side of her cheek.

"Yeah – it's nothing I guess. It was the one with the stick. Thanks for that. You look pretty battered already."

"Yeah." I look around again to make sure no one is coming at us. "We better load up."

She smiles again. "Yes you should. You have to fight Clove for the knifes"

I smile as I enter the horn and start looking for supplies. I spot bottles of water and I think of Haymitch and his directive to find water as soon as possible. I remember that there are cameras everywhere. "Check Haymitch." I say aloud as I hold up a bottle of water. Then I turn my attention to Glimmer. "What does she think of me joining your alliance?"

"She was all for it – she thinks you can lead us right to your Katniss." She says mockingly. "She doesn't buy your bullshit love story."

I have to fight to keep the smile on my face. "Right. You never know" I tell her playfully. "What about your fellow District Tribute and then Cato? What do they think about me?"

Like me, she begins to pack a bag pack. "Marvel is for it – he thinks you're strong enough. It's just common sense that we all stick together. I guess he's very practical."

"And Cato?"

She smiles up at me. "He doesn't know yet… we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

I look at her and laugh. "Oh really…"

"You must understand – he's not all there – Clove knew she wouldn't be able to reason with him."

I try my hardest to focus on this banter with Glimmer to keep me centered.

"Where are they now?"

"Taking out as much competition as possible."

I step out of the horn to look around and I see bloodied bodies laying around. I count and there are eleven bodies. My breath catches and I realize that is almost half of the competition. I took two lives. I look at Glimmer and she looks me over. Then Clove comes from around the corner with Marvel tracing behind her.

"Oh look here – he's here." Clove walks towards me assessing me and she actually walks around me inspecting my body. I reflexively grip my knife. "Don't bother embarrassing yourself with that knife." She stands on her tip toe to speak into my ear as I look at her from the corner of my eye. "I'm a pro." She says smugly.

"So is he." Glimmer tells her and Clove looks at her instantly then looks back at me.

"Is that so." Clove steps back looking me over.

"You don't look like the regulars from 12. You're built like a Career." She tells me coolly.

I shudder at her words. "What should matter to all of you is that I am here."

I notice that Marvel could not care less about our conversation. He's raiding the supplies.

"You can't carry all of that with you. We said we would stay put here." Glimmer tells him impatiently. I look at her and she notices my expression.

She sighs. "We keep the Cornucopia under our control to control the weapons, food, supplies – you know starve them out. The simple apples mean life or death to some of those poor idiots out there." She grabs an apples and she bites into it in front of me provocatively. I stare back at her unimpressed. "They need these to survive" She says mockingly.

I move past her and begin to stock my bag with more water and more knifes. But I think of Katniss as I look out in the woods. She doesn't need a single thing from here and I can't help but smile. Glimmer walks away from me and I make sure there's no one around. I think fast and I know that the audience must be confused by my decision to join the Careers. "Katniss doesn't" I whisper. I know there are cameras here and I have to keep making her look spectacular. They'll want to know what she's going to do. She's a total mystery to everyone.

"So… lover boy." Clove calls out.

I look towards her again.

"There's one reason I agreed to this."

"Oh yeah. What's that?" I say as I grab an apple and bite into it.

"Katniss. What do you know about her? What the hell could some scrappy girl from 12 do to get an eleven."

I feel sick because she's actually envious of that, she clearly thinks it's an achievement. "I have no idea. She's not forthcoming." I make up my mind quickly. I will have to make them think my love bid is an act but keep the audience thinking otherwise, eluding everyone I guess. "Look she hardly talked to me. She attacked me after the interview. So she didn't exactly open up to me."

Clove starts to play with a knife in her hand s she looks me over menacingly. "Then why are you here?"

I grip the small knife that I took from the boy with the axe and I realize that I have to take a stance among these lunatics. I quickly throw the knife and she doesn't see it coming. It expertly knocks the knife out of her hand, just as I intended. In two steps I'm standing in front of her and I hold her in a lock that I know will keep her immobile. She's a petite girl and her only chance against someone like me is likely a knife and distance. Glimmer and Marvel stand by watching us and for a wonder they just stand smiling. I remember that Clove is also competition that they will want to take her out eventually. She gasps but I can tell she's furious.

"Let's get something straight Clove. If I'm part of this alliance I have a say. Don't go telling yourself that you did me any favors. You hear me. I'm keeping you alive because there is still a lot of competition out there, including Katniss. So no, I don't know what she did to get an 11. Just like she doesn't know I throw knifes like a pro… So why don't you answer my question. Why did you really agree to include me in this alliance, just like Glimmer and Marvel did?" I look up at them and they smile at me.

Clove's breathing eases a little. "Cato." She sighs. I throw her forward and she catches her feet and steadies herself. She turns around to look at me. "He's a fucking lunatic."

"Why don't we just kill him?" I reply quickly.

She rolls her eyes. "That's why I'm for you being here. There is power in numbers. Look I'm honestly not too concerned with Katniss – for all I know she performed sexual favors in that room to get an 11." She says and she and Glimmer chuckle at the thought. I feel my temper rise a little and I don't laugh. "I'm concerned about Thresh from 11. He's bigger and stronger then Cato, but Cato is a lunatic. So the only one that has a chance at taking him out will be Cato. He wants to do it anyway."

"Where the hell is he anyway?"

"He went hunting – as he said.." Clove explains. "I want him to take out the competition – then we get rid of him." She looks at all of us to make sure we're all on the same page. "Then… we're on our own."

I look away from her beady eyes and look at Glimmer and Marvel as we all nod at each other.

"He's coming." Glimmer says aloud as she looks out into the distance. I notice that they all arm themselves and I do the same.

I'm still standing inside the horn and decide to step out to make sure I appear as part of the pack, not cornered. As I come around the exit I notice that the gleeful smile on his face disappears. He quickens his strides and his running now, right at me and I feel my heart pace quicken. I'm furious. I realize that I cannot wait to kill him until Thresh is gone. I have to take him out now. I feel all my muscles tense ready for the attack. He actually lunges at me throwing his whole body at me which makes it easy for me to manipulate. I smile at his stupidity, he clearly doesn't think. I instantly prepare my body to catch him and use his weight against him. I catch his torso with my arms, and take advantage of his momentum and easily slam his back right into the edge of the horn's opening. He lets out a horrifying sound as he lands on the floor. I look at his face and I can tell that he can't catch his breath.

Then I hear Clove yelling at him telling him that I'm part of the alliance and that they will need me to take out Thresh. Cato's face is maddening. He's bright red, I can see spit dripping out of his mouth as he contorts his face in pain.

Fuck Clove's plan this is my chance to take him out and I grab my knife. He rises on his knees and groans as he grabs his back and he tries to stand up and he lets out another terrifying scream. I am more than willing to take him out of his misery. He looks at me and his small pale blue eyes are hateful. I feel like I'm looking at an animal. I make no attempt to hide that I'm about to throw a knife at him and he rushes to stand so that he can move out of the way.

I throw the knife aiming it at his face while he's still cowering over as he tries to stand. But Cato loses his balance and he stammers by just an inch to the side. I hear it, a canyon. I stare at Cato as he slowly looks behind him. He moves his body to the side as he leans against Clove and that's when I see it. Another tribute, a step away from Cato but hidden by the Cornucopia as he held an axe in his hand and my knife in the middle of his face.

"Fuck" I mutter under my breath.

"Cato – we need him. See – he just saved you. This proves he's an ally! Please be reasonable." Clove screams at him as she grips onto his body and he still winces as he breathes through his mouth. He looks back at me. His eyes are still mad, his face is bright red and I can see multiple veins popping out of his forehead and he begins to laugh hysterically. It's a laugh that is completely orchestrated, this can't be how he laughs. I actually take a step back as do Glimmer and Marvel. Clove looks at me and I can see it on her face, this clearly demonstrates that he's a lunatic.

He pushes off her and finally straightens up but I can tell that it hurts him to breathe. I must have injured his back. "Fine – lover boy can stay." He says calmly. Just then he loses his balance and he hits the wall by the entrance again. He screams out in pain again. He looks at me again. "You fucking asshole – I swear I am going to cut you into pieces, but not now."

I have a mind to throw my other knife at him right now but we hear a noise on the other side of the wall. Cato quickly pushes off and peeks around it and we hear a cry. He leans forwards as he struggles and we're all to in awe to move around and see what is happening. He finally straightens up as he screams in pain again only know he has a boy in a headlock. "You're lucky I can't do much else right now kid. I'm just going to snap your neck. It'll be quick." The boy's eyes widen and he looks at me, clearly pleading for help but I can do nothing.

"No please let me in – I can help."

They all begin to laugh and I just stare at him.

"sorry kid – doubt you can slam me into a wall." Cato tells him mockingly.

"I can turn on the mines again." He stammers.

Clove and I hear him and we look at each other again. Cato is about to twist his neck but Clove stops him.

"No!" She throws herself at them. "Cato listen to me." Cato stares right into her face and laughs again. He's completely incoherent. "Cato – he can stand guard here, turn on the mines, and nobody else can get the weapons. Think about it. Nobody else can get food. We're the only ones that know that."

Cato stops laughing and stares intently at her. "Okay." He throws the boy and he lands right into me. I grab his shoulders gently and he looks up at me, horrified.

"You did good kid." I tell him, stupidly offering him some encouragement. I close my eyes and walk away from him because I realize that no good can come from this, he can't be more then fourteen years old.

We all jump when Cato screams out in pain again. Just then, a parachute arrives.

"I'll get it." I say and I finally feel how tense my body is, I'm already soar and every movement makes my muscles scram out in pain. Glimmer walks with me.

"Good aim." She tells me laughing.

"What do you mean?"

"The knife." She answers.

I look at her. "What are you talking about? I fucking missed."

She realizes that I did in fact intend to kill Cato. She begins to laugh hysterically. "Oh shit."

And then I feel sick. I killed another person, by mistake no less, because I meant to kill someone else. Who the fuck am I?

I pick up the parachute and bring it back. I open it and there is a syringe and a container with liquid. Clearly it's medicine. Clove comes over and pulls the piece of paper. She reads it.

"It's for your Cato – you have a slipped disk in your spine. This will help."

I remember that these trackers in our arms can somehow read our bodies and know every small detail of any injury. Of course they would send him medicine now, it's too soon to lose the lunatic.

He begins to laugh in that strange manner and I can't help but regret that I didn't break his back.

"It has instructions. I'll inject it." She tells him. I look at her and I wish she would destroy the medicine.

I look out into the woods instead and wonder what is going on out there. There are no more canyons. At least I know for a fact Katniss isn't any of the bodies out here. I overhear Clove tell him that he'll need to rest and lay flat on his back.

Marvel walks past me and mutters under his breath. "You should have fucking killed him."

"At least I tried." I tell him bitterly. I begin to feel nauseous again. I grab an apple and go to sit outside with a bottle of water. I can't look at Cato anymore, he's unnerving. To make matters worse he's going into grizzly detail over how he disfigured a pretty girl earlier.

I sit down and I realize what I was just a part of and what I did. I feel a hot feeling in the pit of my stomach and tremors begin to run through my body. "Just breathe Peeta." I tell myself. What the fuck did I just do? I wonder to myself as the panic starts to rise. I suddenly want to run away, I'm not sure that I can live with myself after this. Why am I putting myself through this. Just then I hear steps next to me and I look at the feet approaching. My eyes move upward and I see a bow and arrow. I look up and Glimmer is examining it.

The image of Katniss making her way towards my house endless of times as I observed her from my bedroom window strikes me again. I look at Glimmer as she raises the quiver and takes aim at nothing in particular and lets go of the string. The arrow doesn't fly far and falls miserably. "Damn – I can be good with this." She smiles at me and I turn to look in the direction of the lost arrow and I genuinely smile as I think back to all the squirrels that I've prepared over the years, how they all had been shot through their tiny eyes. She walks away to retrieve the arrow.

"You'll never be good enough." I say aloud to myself.

* * *

"Fuck you Haymitch!" The scream bolts him out of shock and he pulls his eyes from the screen. He realizes that in the last hour he hasn't taken a single drink. In fact the flask is in his hand halfway to its destination until he froze out of shock of seeing Peeta run into the bloodbath. He is standing with his mouth wide open, he shuts it and looks across the room where Johanna Mason is screaming obscenities as she repeatedly beats a chair into the floor and her fellow Mentor tries to calm her down but thinks better of it and just walks away instead.

He sees that her Tribute holograms are now shut off, because Peeta killed them. He hears a high-pitched squeal that makes him look around. Effie stands beaming almost jumping in place. "Wasn't that thrilling."

He remembers that this woman sickens him. "Is it Effie?" He practically growls at her and he walks away from her to sit down. In front of him are two cameras that allow him access to his tributes at all times.

He looks at his screens to assess Peeta and Katniss. Peeta is playing his part beautifully. He swallows his anger because the boy did hold back from him. He did tell him to stay alive after all, and he's doing just that. He thinks to how he caught Cato's body midair and slammed him against that wall. He should have killed him, did he try to kill him? or did he actually try to prove himself to Cato by saving him? His heart is beating fast and his tongue craves the hard liquor. He takes a long swig. He determines that Cato is out of commission until he recuperates, 2 doesn't seem interested in taking out Peeta since he may be the only one that can put Cato down, and Clove clearly sees the value in keeping him around.

He looks at Katniss and she has stayed calm and rational just as he thought she would. She has situated herself. She has tracked as far as she can and is clearly now looking for water. He looks at his map and she's moving in the right direction. "Come on smart ass – you'll get there." He mutters.

Hours pass and she's still trekking and has managed to catch a meal carefully. She finally settles down to review her things. Haymitch jumps when he hears someone slump on the seat next to him. He turns to see that it's Plutarch again.

He's grinning. "You're still going to tell me you had nothing to do with what that boy did." He points down at Peeta's screen. Haymitch looks at him. "Look – I was in the room and witnessed that girl's spunk and damn good aim with the bow and arrow. I've noticed how Peeta keeps eyeing it in 2's hands." He pauses and stares at him waiting for Haymitch to say something but Haymitch just stares back. "Come on! Give me a spoiler what are they planning." He whispers. "I have to tell you right now – I've never seen this type of suspense." He laughs excitedly. "I love good tv!"

Haymitch look around and sees Johanna over by by District 4's area. She talks to Finnick Odair as he rubs her back to calm her down. He grabs his pen and discreetly clicks it a few times in hopes that Plutarch catches his gesture. He looks at Plutarch and sure enough he pulls his pen to make a note on a piece of paper and clicks on his pen.

"Why are you hanging around me? You never so much as give me a second glance?" Haymitch turns to see him as he takes a sip from his flask.

Plutarch smiles and leans in. "Two reasons, your two tributes. Katniss shot an arrow at us without thinking twice…"

"She regretted instantly – " Haymitch explains still fearing for Katniss and frankly fearing for himself. He knows Plutarch is a rebel and is part of the Revolution Movement. But Haymitch doesn't trust anything or anyone from the Capitol. He also realizes that he must have a lot of credibility since he managed to work his way to have direct contact with Alma Coin.

"You don't need to excuse her behavior. She has spunk, a fire that I'm frankly hoping she won't control it in the Arena."

"I'm not sure what you are hoping for from my Tributes but…" He tries to organize his thoughts and he squeezes the bridge of his nose with his fingers and then releases and looks into the jolly man's eyes. "Look she's playing to win. She's pissed as hell and she is very smart. She lost her temper in a room with no cameras, she'll know to be cautious in there because everyone is watching. And I know that she at least has one person that she'd die for and sure as hell wants to return to, her sister." He stops to see if Plutarch has anything else to say when he doesn't he continues. "As for the boy. He is genuinely in love with the girl, or so he says." He looks at his screen and he's still sitting outside the cornucopia on the ground. "He has his own agenda, he's going to help her win." He whispers.

Haymitch wonders if he should tell him but he realizes that whatever he's thinking he should leave his Tributes out of it. Best case scenario the moody girl wins the whole damn thing but the boy dies. But that's about it. Plutarch's eyes widen after he discloses Peeta's plan.

"The plot just thickened."

Haymitch furrows his brows in frustration. "What? How?..."

Plutarch laughs. "Regardless – Whether the girl acted thoughtlessly when she shot at us – the point is she did and you add the boy's sacrifice. It sounds a lot like defiance to the rules and they are certainly striking at the foundation the Capitol stands on – total domination in return the Tributes give total cooperation. It's a lose – lose for them. You have quite the pair of rebels in your hands." He says as he chuckles and stands up to walk away from him. "Question what are you going to do to help them both succeed – maybe you can surprise us."

Haymitch stays seated as he observes him walk away. He stops his thoughts with another drink from his flask. "I think the Tributes sacrifice enough, I'm not adding your agenda on to their shoulders." He mutters to himself.


End file.
